I Want to Live

Author: skbyrne30

Email: skbyrne30@yahoo.com 

Summary: Guardian/JAG crossover; sequel to Broken Things

--+--

She asked me to come here today. I pulled some strings and called in a
few of my dad’s political favors, and here I am, pulling into the main
entrance gate of the Navy’s Judge Advocate General Corps. I stopped at
the gatehouse, and let the guard search the car.

            While I was standing outside of my car, I noticed a sign in
the window of the gatehouse, “Threatcon Bravo, All Vehicles Subject to
Search.” That simple red, white and black sign brought my thoughts back
to where they were earlier today.

            When Sarah told me she was getting a medal, I was, well,
damn proud of her. I know that we haven’t known each other all that
long, but it is an achievement. Then she told me what it was for.

A few months ago, not long after we first met, she took an assignment
aboard the USS Seahawk, an aircraft carrier. The Seahawk was stationed
off the coast of Indonesia, and the Capitan asked Sarah to go to the
American Embassy, to do some legal work for the Ambassador. Sarah
managed to make friends with a girl whose mother worked at the embassy;
the girl even drew a picture of her. Sarah gave the girl an Eagle Globe
and Anchor pin from her uniform.

While they were there, the embassy was stormed by an angry mob. I know
that sounds contrived, but she swore that’s what happened. When the
embassy walls were finally breached, and the commanding Marines were
wounded, Sarah took command as she was trained to do. With the help of
her new friend, she managed to get everyone out of the embassy safely.
The only casualty was her friend the girl. Weeks later Sarah went back
to Indonesia to find her. Thankfully she was alive.

Of course when the Colonel told me this, she went into much greater
detail. Describing every little thing, the sounds bullets made as they
went past her head, the heat of explosions, getting hit with hot dirt,
everything. Made me feel like I was there.

After I told her I’d see what I could do to be able to come down for the
ceremony, I hung up the phone, and that’s when it hit me. I could lose
her, forever and for good. She could be in some foreign country, and
that would be it. I wouldn’t get to say goodbye, hell I might not even
know what happened to her, depending on what she was doing.

Her career scares me. That must sound funny too, the man who at one time
thought he was invincible. Here I am contemplating someone’s mortality,
and my own. This really isn’t an issue I’ve had to deal with before;
most of my girlfriends’ biggest worries were what shoes they were going
to wear the next day.

 

“Ok Sir, everything seems to be in order here. I’ve let Colonel
Mackenzie know you’re on your way up; JAG offices are on the third
floor. You can park wherever you can find a space, just not the one
closest to the door that belongs to Admiral Chegwidden. He’s running a
little late today.”

“Umm thanks.”

“You’re Welcome Sir.”

Now there’s one thing I’m not used to, being called “Sir” by police,
usually its just “Fallin”.

            I found a spot, about fifty feet away from the door. I
picked up a visitor’s pass from the front desk and clipped it to my
lapel. The guardsman said third floor, so up the elevator I go.

 I step out of the doors, and toward the plate glass ones of the JAG
corps. Its late Friday afternoon, but the office is still full of people
working. Amazing really, I know if I was at Fallin and Associates, the
office would be empty except for my dad and I.  

  A blonde woman in a blue navy uniform met me as soon as I walked in
the door.

“Welcome to JAG, Can I help you?”

“Umm Yeah, I’m looking for Colonel Mackenzie.”

“Oh, you must be Mr. Fallin. The Colonel told me you were coming today.
I’m Lieutenant Harriet Simms. I’ll take you to her office.”

“Nice to meet you Lieutenant.”

            Harriet led me down the side of the bullpen and Sarah met us
at her door. She was wearing the same uniform when I met her, almost
eight months ago. I don’t know why I noticed it, she is military, and
I’m even wearing the same thing I had on when we met, black suit, white
shirt, and red tie. She asked for the tie, said she liked it.  Sarah
ushered me inside and closed the door.

 

“Glad you could make it.”

“Me too. You said I had to do something during this ceremony?”

“Yeah you do, something very important. The Admiral will tell you what
to do when the time comes.”

“So when does it start?”

“As soon as the Admiral gets here.”

“OK”

 

            Sarah’s office was about the size of the “Broom Closet” at
Children’s Legal Services, but it seems like she has just as much stuff
in her office that my father has in his. There was a window behind her
desk, and a old Marine Corps recruiting poster to the right of it. The
office seemed to fit her oddly enough.

Someone knocked at her door. A young man in a sailor suit poked his head
around the door.

 

“Colonel, The Admiral’s ready”

“Thanks Tiner.”

 

            I followed Sarah out the glass doors of JAG and down the
hall. She opened the door to a very impressive conference room. At the
far end of the room stood a man that could only be Admiral Chegwidden,
the two star admiral and the JAG.  Near the other end of the room was a
cluster of Military personnel, all of whom must be Sarah’s friends. I
elected to stand with them. Sarah stood behind the Admiral, and then he
launched into his explanation of the medal.

 

          “ Ladies and Gentlemen, the Meritorious Service Medal is
awarded to members of the Armed Forces of the United States who
distinguished themselves by outstanding non-combat meritorious
achievement or service to the United States. Normally, the acts or
services rendered must be comparable to that required for the Legion of
Merit but in a duty of lesser though considerable responsibility.

            Colonel Mackenzie demonstrated her worthiness to receive
this medal, through her recent actions at the American Embassy in
Indonesia. Since the Colonel was willing to take responsibility for the
lives of those in the embassy, she endangered her own. However, she was
also able to get everyone to safety.”

 

The Admiral put that so nice.

 

“Lieutenant Colonel Sarah Mackenzie, please step forward.  Colonel
Mackenzie I present you with the Meritorious Service Medal.
Congratulations Colonel.” The Admiral pinned her medal on, and saluted,
Sarah returned it.

 

Then the admiral continued.

“Now there is a custom that is supposed to happen at one of these
ceremonies, the recipient is supposed to receive a kiss from a relative,
but since the Colonel’s relatives are unavailable I’ve decided to bend
the rules a little.” A tall dark haired man stepped forward slightly.
The Admiral went on, “Mr. Fallin, would you like to do the honors?”

I think I must’ve turned eight shades of red. Sarah was standing next to
the Admiral now smiling sweetly. So this was “the important function” I
had to perform. I stepped forward, and kissed her on the cheek. She put
her arms around me, I wasn’t sure if that was appropriate, then I
whispered “congratulations” in her ear. With that everyone else in the
room applauded.

When the applause died down, Harriet Simms spoke up.

“OK Remember, everyone. Celebration at my house.” The cheering flared up
again, everyone filed out of the conference room and into the main
office area of JAG to grab their belongings and then head over to
Lieutenant Simms’ home. I followed Sarah in my car, and we stopped in
front of a beautiful home. Apparently, Lieutenant Simms has a family.

Sarah and I walked in the front door and were immediately swept into the
party. One by one she introduced me to her co-workers and friends.
Harriet Simms and Bud Roberts were the ones throwing the party, their
little son AJ was spending the evening with grandma. Admiral AJ
Chegwidden was a Navy Seal and now a lawyer; he went to the Military
Academy just like dad. I made a mental note to ask him about that.
Sturgis Turner was the newest addition to the JAG office; he used to be
a submariner.

The last person, I had to be introduced to was the tall dark haired man
that tried to steal my moment earlier.

 

“Nick this is Harm, my partner.”

 

Harm, so this was the man that made her cry that night. I wonder if he
knows how much he meant to her, or maybe even still means. I can
actually feel myself hate him for what he did. No person should make
someone else feel like that, Poker face time.

   

“Nice to meet you.” He shook my hand.

 

            Through out the rest of the night I flitted from group to
group listening to what people had to say. Most of the talk was legal
stuff, but one conversation caught my interest. Harm was talking about
some of the adventures he and Mac had since they met.

 

“Yeah ok so the embassy with the Ebola virus was an interesting
experience. I’m glad that ambassador got punished; although I’m sure Mac
would’ve liked to punch him harder than he punched her.

            Not too much like that has happened since, unless of course
you count Afghanistan. She almost got her throat cut in that prison
camp. Then he saved me from that land mine. I don’t know what I’d do
without her.”

            She almost died three additional times to what she got this
medal for?! I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Sarah’s a lawyer,
this shouldn’t be happening. I shouldn’t be considering this. I
shouldn’t have to worry about burying her. This was all too much. I
quietly snuck out the front door. I needed to get away from the war stories.

            I was outside looking up at the stars, when I heard the door
open and quietly close again, then the tapping of heels on the wooden
porch. I knew it was Sarah; I didn’t even really have to look.

 

“Is everything Ok?”

“No” She sat silent for a few minutes. I broke the quiet before she
could. “How many times have you almost died?”

“Too many for my taste. I guess you heard Harm talking?”

“Yeah. I—I don’t know if I can deal with this.”  

 “Believe me, you wouldn’t be the first one to end it because of my
career choice.”

“I don’t want to do that.” That came out much softer than I had intended.

“I can’t give it up. I tried remember?”

“You hated civilian law.”

“That’s right.”

“If this…relationship…gets more involved, I don’t want to wake up one
morning, roll over and not find you there. Even in situations like
tonight I feel like I’m standing on the beach watching you in the water,
praying that you won’t drown.” My voice cracked, what the hell is going
on tonight? I kept going, “I mean I understand that I am hardly in a
position to make demands of your life, but I figure it would be better
if you knew how I felt before we get in too deep.”

She nodded in understanding. “What do you say to this? At the moment I
want to be in the water, live like I want to live. Just remember I do
know how to swim, I am a Marine. However, if we do get in deeper I’ll
decide if I want to change strokes.”

I smiled because she kept the analogy. We said noting to each other for
the rest of the night, just leaned back on our arms and stared at the sky.

 

THE END