Broken Pieces – Part 3.5 Author: Sarah E. Grauvogl Email: grauvose@muohio.edu Rating: PG Note: This is (finally) a continuation of the fic, “Daddy Nick and Mommy Lulu” started by Rosiiii and I toward the end of TG Season 2 in May of 2003. Taking into consideration what happened in the show’s season finale “All the Rage”, some events are still included (the parking lot beating, James’ demise, Lulu’s job offer in Berkeley) but the original story thread from “Daddy Nick…” stays the same in regards to the very much unplanned pregnancy and the nature of the Nick/Lulu relationship, with Lulu saying “I love you” first and Nick’s uncertainty over anything being able to last. The characters and TG are not mine, but the story as it unfolds from this point on are. The parking lot dialogue is almost entirely taken from “All the Rage.” What I intend to do is spin the story in a different direction, taking TG into an ‘alternate universe’ from what we saw in the arc of episodes preceding “All the Rage” and Season Three. ** Legal Services of Pittsburgh, 11:58 P.M. Closing his notepad, Officer Reynolds looked around the bullpen, “I think that’s it for tonight…” “Okay…” Barbara’s eye’s once again moved toward the elevators, to where she had first found him. His body had since been removed, but the outline and blood were still there. Trying to distract her, Office Reynolds lightly touched her arm, “you’ve got someone to take you home?” Not wanting to burden anyone further, Barbara shook her head, “no, but I can get there…” “Isn’t Evan back yet?” Lulu asked, knowing that he had been away for a few days. “No, he called and left a message at home – said he and his buddies were gonna stay another day…” Barbara pulled a tissue from her pocket and wiped her eyes, “I’ll be fine…spend plenty of time there alone anyway…” After exchanging a quick glance with Officer Reynolds, Lulu knew that wasn’t an option. Barbara was in no condition to be left alone, not after what she had been through. “Just come home with me then…” Lulu offered, more than willing to have the company. “Are you sure?” Barbara didn’t want to intrude, not knowing if Lulu was expecting anyone else that evening. There was no question as to what Barbara meant to infer. Though she had been hoping for a different ending to her evening, Lulu knew that was not what she was going to get. she thought to herself, “Yeah…” she finally answered, “it will be fine…” “I’m going to get the rest of the crew out of here… I think we’ve gotten everything we can for the time being.” Officer Reynolds extended his hand to them both, “Barbara, Louisa – I’ll be in touch…” “Thanks, Officer Reynolds…” Lulu forced herself to smile and watched as he gathered the remaining officers up. The bullpen was still a bloody mess, but their work for the day was done. They left through the door to the stairs, the elevator still closed off as part of the crime scene. Standing over a chalky outline, Barbara finally spoke, “I still… I still can’t believe he’s gone…” “Barbara,” Lulu took a deep breath and walked toward her, knowing what she had to do. she chastised herself, Still sobbing, Barbara just shook her head as she stared down at what remained of the bloody pool, “I… I can’t believe this happened… I just want to know WHY? What did sweet James do to deserve this?” Lightly resting her hands on Barbara’s shoulders, Lulu tried to lead her away, “come on now, just take a seat…” “Maybe, maybe I just need some air?” Barbara pushed a stray red, curled lock back behind her ear, “I haven’t been out of here yet…” “I’m gonna go…” Lulu glanced towards Alvin’s office, “I’m just gonna go talk to him and then we can leave…” Wiping her damp eyes once again, Barbara obediently sat down on the bench near the elevator, “I’ll wait here…” There, she couldn’t avert her gaze from the stained floor. The yellow tape, the chalky outlines. She kept seeing his face, the face of the man that pushed her aside. Scarred and damaged, it was horrific. Her body was shaking as her mind replayed those final moments in the bullpen only hours before, dancing around, and around without a care in the world… Staring out the window, Alvin reached again for the bottle. It was the one he kept in his drawer, for emergencies. He had been reaching for it a lot lately, more than he knew he should. When times got hard, this was where he turned. He took another therapeutic swig. While it wouldn’t make him forget what he saw, when he walked into the clinic, it could at least numb the pain. James. Larry. They were both dead. Gone. The blood didn’t bother him, not as much as the lifeless bodies he saw being wheeled away. There was blood on the floor. Blood on the boxes. Barbara was covered in it. That’s what almost made him sick. That’s what hurt the most. Knowing he wasn’t there to help. He should’ve been there. Not at the bar. Not drowning his sorrows. Getting James to confess was his goal, he thought to go down to the station with him. He knew now that he never should’ve left. That maybe, had he been there, that things wouldn’t have ended this way. How he ended up at the bar, he had no idea. After his talk with James, he just got to thinking. Thinking about life, how unfair it was. If he thought going in that things were bad, this was worse. The call from the cops was sobering. he asked himself, Alvin repeated to himself, Inconsolable, he took another drink. The cool liquid burnt as it went down his throat. He closed his eyes, hoping to block the images that kept replaying in his mind. A knock at the door distracted him. “Alvin?” Lulu waited. The door was ajar, but she knew better than to walk in. She had a good idea of what he was doing. The bad habit had since resurfaced, the addiction started again. At any other time she’d be more than willing to tell him all the reasons why he shouldn’t, to shove the same pamphlets he pushed towards clients in his own direction – but now, no. He didn’t need to be judged. He needed help. Startled by her voice, Alvin dropped the plastic bottle to the floor. He thought they all had left. A small puddle formed around the bottle’s mouth. Alvin scolded himself, not wanting to be caught red-handed. His eyes darted toward the door, “yes?” Opening the door just enough, Lulu stepped inside, “Alvin, it’s late. I’m going to take Barbara back to my place…” “All right.” Alvin felt a sympathy in her gaze that he hadn’t known before. If he himself was in her position, he didn’t know if he’d be there – he wasn’t sure why she just didn’t wash her hands of the place, and end her commitment with the call. “Do you need anything else?” Lulu was almost hesitant to ask, knowing he was in no condition to be out on the streets, “a ride maybe?” On top of the file cabinet, the one next to the door, she saw them. His keys. Alvin lamented, He appreciated the gesture, but he didn’t want to indebt himself further. The impression he got earlier, after speaking to the board, was that he was already on borrowed time as far as Lulu was concerned. While he might have been a little over zealous in trying to move James up and encouraging her to go, as he explained to the Board, he was not the one who directed the job in Berkeley toward her. A drunk he might be, but he wasn’t stupid. He knew she covered his back on more than one occasion. he asked himself again and again during the Board’s questioning. It just didn’t make sense. The pieces of the puzzle wouldn’t fit, his mind was on overdrive. But that was then. That was before the shooting. This was now. Borrowed or not, he’d take whatever time she was giving. He was desperate. Embarrassed, Alvin negated her offer, “I think I might stay here tonight…get the place cleaned up a bit…a lot of people are going to be coming in over the next few days…” “I can come in, in the morning… with Barbara…” Lulu started, unsure of what Alvin’s feelings toward her were at the moment, “if… if you want me to…” she decided. “I’d appreciate it,” Alvin glanced back toward the window, unwilling to contemplate the effects this shooting was going to have on the clinic. Now was not the time to let his pride get in the way. After a quick glimpse toward the elevator, Lulu glanced at Alvin, “I’m going to get Barbara home…” “Okay…I’m gonna call everyone in tomorrow… we’ll… we’ll get through this…somehow…” Alvin said despondently, as if he were still trying to convince himself. Too tired to offer a smile of assurance, Lulu just nodded in agreement, “I’ll see you in a few hours…” Before she could even make it to the bullpen, Alvin thought of something. “Hey, Lulu?” “Yeah?” Lulu turned around. “Anyone ever get a hold of Nick?” Alvin wondered why he didn’t show up, why he wasn’t there with the rest of them. Surely Lulu would know. he reasoned, Alvin wanted to give Nick the benefit of the doubt, hoping that trivial personal problems weren’t what was keeping him away. he thought to say if Nick showed up, Even with her body as tense as it was, she could feel her heart drop at the mention of his name. “I… uh… I haven’t heard from him…” Lulu reluctantly admitted. she asked herself, It didn’t take a genius to figure out that the question upset her. Things hadn’t been well between them since the Board got involved, and she had gone out to Berkeley. He knew there were problems, and maybe he had caused a few of them. “Okay… just wonderin’…” Alvin retracted, selfishly hoping that the nature of her relationship with Nick wouldn’t affect her decision, especially now, in light of the shooting. “It’s fine,” she lied, as if Alvin might believe her. Without further question, he just shook his head and turned back toward the window. He waited until he heard the door close to reach for his bottle. The lights in the bullpen were turned out. They’d be gone soon enough. “You have everything?” Barbara waited in the open doorway, her coat draped over her arm. “I think so…” Lulu dropped Alvin’s keys into her small purse, relieved to know, at the very least, that he wouldn’t be getting further than his feet could take him. With the condition he was in, she didn’t think he’d be moving far from the desk, much less trying to leave the office. As Lulu turned off the last set of lights, darkening the crime scene, Barbara turned to her again, “I just can’t believe this happened…” Sitting there alone in his office, staring out the window into the empty night, an insatiable thirst brought the mouth of the bottle back to his lips. Alvin took a visual measurement. There was just enough left. Just enough to knock him out and make the pain stop. ** Pittsburgh Police Station, 12:17 AM With the freshly stamped paperwork in her hand, Liz followed the female officer down the darkened hallway toward the holding cell area. If it wasn’t a matter of necessity, if she didn’t feel like she owed him the favor – she never would’ve come out. On her ride to the station, she wondered what her sister would’ve done, if she were still alive. Liz decided upon her arrival, They stopped in front of a heavy door, and the officer entered some type of pass code. Through the small window, she could see them. Burton was standing close to the bars, maybe even leaning against them. Nick was on the other side, his head tipped forward. As the officer opened the door to the cell, Liz reached for Burton’s shaky hand, “I’m sorry it took so long, you know how the paperwork is…” “Thanks for coming down, Liz, I really appreciate it…” Burton clutched her hand tightly and walked out of the cell. He leaned in close and gave her an affectionate peck on the cheek. “You’ve been there for me plenty of times,” she replied as her eyes moved over him. Liz couldn’t help but gasp as she noticed the specks of blood on his shirt. she asked herself, A bit embarrassed, Burton replaced his jacket and buttoned it, trying to cover the stains. Ready to go, he looked back in the cell, “Nicholas…” Feeling his father’s gaze upon him, Nick made no move to get up. His mind left him troubled. As badly as he wanted to leave, he didn’t feel ready. In the hours he had been in there, his life had changed. A friend and a new co-worker were killed. A phone call confirmed the imminent end to his relationship. An impulsive act had put his very freedom on the line once again. Now all he wanted was a fix, a craving he believed he had long since overcome. Nick asked himself quietly as he sat there, believing it was only a matter of time before they brought him back. He considered his fate to be sealed. The way Darger made it sound, it just didn’t look good for him. “What did the detective say?” Liz glanced toward her nephew, wondering what he was doing. Though she hadn’t been called at the time, she heard about Burton’s last trip to bail him out. Some things just couldn’t be kept a secret, not with family. She imagined that Nick was probably a lot like this, distant and unresponsive. With no definite answer to give, Burton just shrugged, “a lot depends on what happens tonight…” A few steps away from the nearest officer, Liz asked him, “that man, is he going to die?” “God, I hope not…” he mumbled under his breath. Burton didn’t want to even consider the possibility. He knew what that man’s death would mean for their case. There’d be no chance of getting off. “You and me both, Burton…” Liz tried to look away, her eyes still gravitating toward the few visible spots on his shirt. she wanted to know. She glanced briefly at his hands, seeing his swollen knuckles. Rather impatient, Burton looked back over his shoulder and motioned his son to come out of the opened holding cell. “Nicholas!” His thoughts interrupted, Nick grabbed his few personal effects from the bench where he had been seated. He folded his jacket over his arm and took a deep breath, walking slowly toward them. Try as she might to be there for him, Aunt Liz was not his mother. She never was, and never would be, this was a conclusion Nick had reached long ago. Like that of his father, he believed her interest in him was purely superficial. Their relationship was based on need, that’s the only time they really spoke – when one needed something from the other. It was all about the image the family projected, the reputations they’d go to any lengths to protect. Now, there at the station, it was time for another show. “Hello, Aunt Liz…” Nick said quietly as he leaned in to kiss her on the cheek. It wasn’t so much out of affection as it was obligation, his mother had taught him to always be polite. he thought to himself, “Nick…” Liz smiled, and gently brushed his clean-shaven cheek with the palm of her hand, “I’m sorry you had to go through this, I’m sure this is all just a big misunderstanding…” Nick repeated to himself. He looked at his father in disbelief, wondering what the hell he had told her. Choosing not to acknowledge his son, Burton looked back toward Liz, “I’ll get you the money for this A.S.A.P…” “I’m not worried about that…” Liz replied as she followed the old man down the hall. She noted the distance that Nick was keeping from her and his father, not that their tension was anything new. There were some things about them that she never understood. Anne always said their behavior towards each other was strange, but she attributed that more to her sister’s own volatility and mania than any true problems between father and son. Before they got to the last doorway at the end of the hall, Burton was already reaching for his cigarettes, “I really do appreciate this, Liz…” he questioned, He felt in his pocket for his lighter, the one he always carried. He opened the pack and made his choice, placing the selected cigarette in his mouth. His coping mechanism. As soon as he stepped outside, he lit up. The first puff of smoke was followed by a heavy sigh of relief. He and Liz found themselves out there alone, waiting for Nick. It wasn’t till she glanced at her watch that Liz realized how late it was. Burton and Nick had been there nearly four hours. Sure they’d have nothing ready at home, she thought of something else. “Do you two need something to eat? I’m sure you must be starving so we could stop…” she offered, not much interested in going back to her own lonely, empty house just yet. Much to her surprise, Burton nodded in agreement. He glanced at Nick as he finally emerged, “whaddya say, Son? Join your Aunt for supper?” Though he didn’t want to go, Nick knew he had little choice in the matter. She was his ride, the reason they got out. He couldn’t remember when he last ate, but he wasn’t really hungry. The nausea still lingered. While he didn’t see it first hand, the images of what happened at LSP formed in his mind. He heard the officers describing it as they came in, how the shots were fired and the shape that the bodies were in when the EMTs arrived. Guilt plagued him, wondering if he had done something different, if James’ might still be alive. No one was in custody yet, but there were suspects. Nick knew all too well how James’ reputation, or what was left of it, would be dragged through the mud as news of the shooting came out. His mistakes would surface, he’d be held forever accountable to the crimes he had once committed – even though he paid his dues. Like James, Nick knew the consequences of an inescapable past. How a few bad decisions in a moment of weakness could dictate the rest of your life, and ruin any potential happiness you could find. Hours before, Nick found himself in that moment again. He had been given a second chance – and blown it. he concluded sadly, The cool spring air felt good on his overheated body as he waited for Liz and his father to bring the car around. All he wanted was to go home, to find his bed, and for this godforsaken night to be over… ** K. McPherson Residence, 12:28 AM Unable to sleep, she finally gave in and turned on the lamp beside her bed. It was a game she played with her mind every night since that fateful day she found out, when her worst fears had been confirmed. To look at the phone, to reach for it, to act as if she might call – it was the same routine each time. There was no need to look up his number. She knew it. She had called it numerous times before, when she was still ‘it’, when he still wanted her. She knew how to reach him, if she wanted to. On more than one occasion, she thought of just showing up at the office, to humiliate him as he had humiliated her. Walking up to him and demanding that he deny what he had done. While she felt he certainly deserved the treatment, she didn’t want to use her child that way. she sadly reflected, She still hadn’t resigned to the idea of being used as she was, as a mere stepping stone to get to what he really wanted. Above all, she refused to let her child be treated the same way. She wouldn’t have it. The phone, close as it was, teased her. She knew it would never ring, that he’d never call. It was up to her, but something held her back. Maybe part of it was fear, that she would answer, or that someone else… perhaps someone new would…whomever it was that he was sharing his bed with these days. Maybe it was fear he would answer, and just wouldn’t care or hang up before she could tell him why she bothered to call. Paul’s words really got her thinking; she didn’t want him to be right about the ‘sperm donor’ as he referred to him. But, considering how she was dropped, it was hard to give the benefit of the doubt. It was hard to expect much from a man she had gotten so little from. He gave her his body, but it was clear his heart belonged to someone else… Now she was having his child, perhaps it wasn’t the best decision but it was the only one she felt that she could make. Abortion was out. Adoption wasn’t even a option. The decision was hers; she didn’t even take him – the donor – into consideration. He was out of the picture, his own wishes perfectly clear when he stood her up that night. Perhaps raising two kids on her own would be too much, only time would tell. She ran her hand over her expanding belly, thinking ahead. She already made an appointment, for the next week, to find out what she was having. With Matty, he was her first, she wanted to be surprised. This time, she just wanted to be prepared, to know what was coming. In the back of her mind she wondered if the baby’s sex would even matter, to him, if it would make that much of a difference. She knew he had a twisted relationship with his own father, forever scarred by the image his mother burnt in his mind. Those were the conclusions she reached on her own, from what little she saw and the few details she heard about his past. God knows he never talked to her about it. she considered, recalling with a certain bitterness what she felt were tender moments between them, Glancing down at her belly, from the way she was carrying, from the way she felt, Kim was fairly certain it would be a boy. Some nights she wanted to call because she was angry, others because she thought she needed him. She was no longer certain of the role she wanted him to play in this child’s life, or her own, if any. Tonight, she wasn’t sure why she was holding the phone, starting to dial… * To be continued…