Hero Rating: R Author: Espresso Life E-mail: espresso_life@yahoo.com Date posted: 11.10.2003 Beta Readers: Limonzine and Sarah. Summary: Nick is the hero of the day but Burton can't find him. Author's note: This is my very first nickfic which I wrote before the season started. I would like to thank my wonderful beta's for they're great advices and corrections. You've been a tremendous help. I hope every one will enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. --+-- Fallin & Fallin Burton Fallin hung up the phone angrily. Nick was supposed to be back two hours ago. Their quiet sit down concerning the Rollins case turned into a fight, when Burton informed Nick at the end of the meeting that he had offered to take Shannon Gressler back in. This, after her father had backed off from all his promises and disappeared again. Nick couldn't understand how he could do something like that after the girl had almost put him in jail. "She's a good kid and she deserves a second chance Nicholas" Burton had said. "No, she isn't, dad, Shannon Gressler isn't a good kid, she's a little brat. She lies, she steels, and she has you wrapped around her little finger, it's humiliating" "That's enough!!!" Burton yelled at his son. Burton did not normally raise his voice. He would speak firmly to Nick and got angry at him sometimes, but he would rarely raise his voice. He thought of himself of being calm and collected by not letting anything or anyone make him lose his temper. For the people around him, sometimes he appeared to be an insensitive, cold-hearted son of a bitch. But this time, what Nick said bothered him. It bothered him because inside he knew it to be true. The little girl did something to him. When he was around her he turned from a grumpy old man to a kind grandpa. Besides, unlike Nicholas, he saw her good side. He was convinced that with love and guidance, he could turn her around. "Nicholas the girl lost her mother and grandmother in less then a year, I will not turn my back on her" He tried to appeal to his son's compassion. Nick thought to himself. But he didn't say anything, he just looked away and smiled a half smile to himself. Then he looked at his father and firmly said: "Do whatever you want," and stormed out of the office. That had been almost five hours ago. Maybe he left a massage with Gretchen. Burton stepped out of his office and found everyone huddled around Gretchen's desk, listening to the radio to an excited reporter." It is uncertain at this time what caused the bus to swerve off the road. The headmaster of the school claims the bus is new and has gone through all the winter safety testing required by law. " "What happened?" Burton asked Jake. "A bus turned over and caught fire, just outside of town" he answered. Burton turned back into his office where he had his own television set. All the local stations were reporting the story. "…when we got to the scene, the bus had just caught fire " said the paramedic who was being interviewed "How many kids were trapped inside the bus when you arrived?" the reporter asked. "Not a lot. Apparently a very brave bystander had taken matters in to his own hands and managed to get most of the kids out of the bus and provide some CPR." "Is this man a doctor or..." "I don't think so; I didn't really have a chance to talk to him. He just told me his name was Nicholas Fallin, but he didn't say he was a doctor" To the sound of his son's name Burton focused all of his attention on the T.V screen, hoping to spot the face of his son. "Isn't it dangerous to move people who had been in a car accident with out proper equipment?" "Generally it is not recommended, but in this case with the bus already in flames, this man did the right thing" "Especially in light of what happened seconds after your arrival, the reporter interjected. "Yes, a few seconds after our arrival, before we could even get all the equipment out of the ambulance, the bus combusted." "Where was Mr. Fallin at the time?" "I don't know. " " was he inside the bus?" "I don't know and I don't want to speculate" the paramedic was obviously unhappy by the intrusive question. "I'm sorry, I have to get back to work" he excused himself and went out of the frame. "Thank you, sir" the reporter turned back to the camera. He was standing in front of the burned bus and a car Burton recognized as Nick's. "As we just heard, a terrible day here at Pittsburgh, where a school bus turned over, caught on fire and eventually blew up. Fortunately, at the time of the explosion most of the kids have already been evacuated from the bus, thanks to a brave man that risked his own life and rescued a lot of the children from the burning bus. As the reporter continued speaking the camera roamed around the scene. It focused on the school books and schoolbags that were scattered on the ground. Among them Burton thought he saw something familiar. He came closer to the TV set, and that's when he saw Nick's business card laying on the floor. ~ ~ ~ Pittsburgh County Hospital "I'm sorry sir we haven't admitted any one by the name of Nicholas Fallin" Burton Fallin was desperately trying to find his son, after calling his cell phone repeatedly, only to get his voice mail message. The nurse could not find him and Burton was getting nervous. The hospital was in complete chaos, the television kept showing pictures of the burned bus and Nick's car beside it. For the first time in his life, Burton Fallin didn't know what to do. "Burton! Burton Fallin" he heard a familiar voice. He turned his head and saw Meg McNeal, a good friend of Anne's whom he had not seen in years. "Meg, how are you? What are you doing here?" he politely asked even though he didn't really care right now. "I work here, in the psychiatric ward." she answered. "I came down to talk to a few of the kids - they're pretty shook up about all of this." "Oh, right - you're a doctor," he said absentmindedly, "I'm trying to find Nicholas." Yeah, I heard about what he did today. You must be very proud!" Burton was too caught up in anxiety over Nick's condition and whereabouts, to be focused anymore on his bravery. Ignoring her comment, he continued, "I can't find him anywhere. The nurse said they haven't admitted anyone by his name." Seeing his distress, she suggested: "Let me see if I can help you out" and went beside the counter to speak to a young women sitting there, then returned. "Some of the victims were evacuated to Mercy Hospital, so we will try calling them" "Thank you so much. I'll…I'll just wait here if that's all right" "Look, this is going to take some time. Why don't you come with me? We have a doctor's lounge where you can sit down and have some coffee." Burton hesitated. He was anxious to find Nick, but Meg had taken charge of things. "We'll be in the lounge" she informed the swamped, young volunteer behind the counter and led Burton to the room. .The lounge was quiet since everyone was busy. Burton took a seat on the couch that stood in the middle of the room, welcoming the silence. Meg made some coffee. "Have you tried calling him?" She handed him a cup. "Yes, he's not answering his cell phone." "Maybe there's noise where he is, and he can't hear the ring" she suggested. "And maybe he doesn't want to talk to me." Burton offered her his alternate theory. "We had a big fight last time I saw him" he explained. "Well, I'm sure you'll find him and make up." "I'm not so sure this time." Burton got up from the couch and started pacing. "What happened?" she asked, because she felt he needed to talk. "Unless you don't want to talk about It." she added quickly, in case she was wrong. "I forgot what today was. I forgot what today was, and brought up a sensitive subject that I knew wouldn't go well." "What's today?" Meg asked, but as she asked she remembered: "Oh, Anne…" she whispered to herself. Today, 21 years ago, her best friend had passed away. "Yeah," Burton added, "that's what he was doing there. He went to visit her. The cemetery is just up the road. This is a very sensitive time for Nicholas, Everything that has to do with his mother is touchy ground, every year around this time he becomes closed and angry with me, even more than usually" "He misses her. Don't you?" "Of course I do. But it's more than that - I think he still blames me." "Blames you for what?" "Her death" "Oh come on, you can't possibly think that" "You come on! You were there. You heard her - what she would say in front of Nick during the divorce: you're killing me, you'll be the death of me, and that was to my face. God only knows what she said when I wasn't in the room. She poisoned him against me, made him think I was the enemy. Then when she died, he thought I was to blame." "Don't you lay this on Anne!" Meg suddenly raised her voice "Don't you dare! She was a good mother .You, are the one that took a twelve year-old boy that just went through two years of hell and decided to send him to a faraway place, where he didn't know anyone. You deserted him in the most difficult time of his life. And twenty years later you wonder why your relationship is screwed up?" "I had a firm to build. I didn't have the time to be a full time parent." Burton tried to defend himself from her sudden outburst of accusations. "You made a choice a long time ago to put your career first, and your family second .Now, you have a thriving law firm, and a lousy relationship with your son. These Things are very simple Burton: you get what you pay for." Burton kept silent. He wanted to tell Meg that she did not know what she was talking about, that she did not know the whole story, that she was way off, but he could not. Nick had hated prep school. He never hid that from his father. Every time he came home for a vacation he seemed more distant. While Nick was at school, he was building his firm and as the years passed, without him even noticing, his son and he grew further apart. Until one day he realized he had a 27 year-old, smart, handsome and successful son that he knew nothing about: not his likes, his dislikes, the name of his best friend, or any of his friends for that matter. And now he knows that he also had no idea of the drug habit that to this very day he did not appreciate the full extent of. Meg always made an effort not to express an opinion about situations that did not concern her, and as a doctor sometimes she encountered much more serious situations, but this time she just could not keep quiet. Anne had been her best friend. She was there through her divorce and she watched her die, and now Burton - today of all days - was degrading her memory. She cared about Nicholas that was her best friend's son and used to be her son's best friend. Knowing it was not any of her business and knowing Burton Fallin would never listen to her anyway, she had kept quiet when her son had told her about Nick Fallin being sent to boarding school. As the room grew silent, and she watched Burton's face, she realized she had picked the wrong time for the truth. What she had said had simply flown out of her mouth with no consideration to what the man was going through. His son was missing and he needed support, not lectures. She realized an apology was in order here. "Burton, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have gone off on you like that. Especially not now. That was completely out of place. I don't know what else to say" "Well, it's been a long time since anybody spoke to me like that." was all Burton could say in return. "Once again, I apologize" she stuttered. "No, don't. You're right. I deserted him in the most difficult time of his life. Back then it seemed like the right thing to do, but now…You know, I took in a twelve year-old girl that lost her mother," he suddenly changed the subject. "The situation is not quite the same but…" "What do you mean took in?" she interrupted him. "It's a long story. I knew her grandmother. It's a bit of a complicated situation." "What does Nick have to say about that?" she curiously asked. "Oh, he doesn't like her. Doesn't think I should take care of her. In fact, that was what our fight was about. I tried to explain to him I couldn't turn my back on the girl after all she's been through, but he just… I always seem to say the wrong thing at the wrong time with him. I don't understand why he hates her so much." "Did you ever think that he was jealous?" "Of a little girl?" Burton had never considered that possibility for even for a second "He should sympathize with her. He knows what it's like to lose a mother. Besides, being jealous is childish." "Jealousy is not childish, and it comes in all shapes and sizes, especially when it comes to parents and children. If you ask me it's a text book case: when he was twelve and lost his mother you sent him away, didn't have the time for him. Now you take in some girl with no family connection. He's probably asking himself, why her and not him. You'd be surprised what kids come up with in their heads sometimes, even when they're in their thirties." "Like what?" he wondered. "Oh - that you love her more than him, that you love her and don't love him - things like that" "That's crazy, I love him more then my own life." Burton stated quietly. "And he loves you too, I'm sure." "Sometimes I wonder." Meg could hear the pain in his voice. "You know, last time I talked to him he was working in one of the biggest law firms in New-York month before being made partner, making money, living a life many will envy ,and he dropped all that to come work for you. He didn't do it for the money, and he didn't do it for the prestige, and knowing you, he definitely didn't do it because he thought he would have an easier time of it, so he must have done it because he wanted to be close to you because he loved you. And that's probably why you offered him the job in the first place." Burton was shocked at how insightful the woman was. "That's some pretty strong "women's intuition" you got there!" he commented sarcastically. "It's my job to pick up on these things." she said, and stared in the bottom of her coffee mug. The guilt of her secret bothered her. She knew it was time to come clean. She knew she had to after all the accusations she had thrown in his face. She opened her mouth and slowly spoke. "Burton, I have a confession to make. Something that's been lying on my chest for a long time." She sat beside him and looked him straight in the eyes. "I wasn't completely honest with you before when I lost my temper" "What do you mean?" He asked. "I got angry because you blamed Anne for everything, because she was my friend, but I was being unfair. You were right. She did unintentionally poison him against you during the divorce. But Burton, she regretted it with all her heart, especially when she found out she wasn't going to make it. She tried to undo the damage, to push you two closer together. She would ask Nick to spend the night at your house because she was tired, desperately trying to get you to spent time together." Burton nodded. He remembered how Anne sometimes told him Nick needed some time off, and asked him to take Nick for the day. Usually that ended with him in his den and Nick in front of the TV. So many things he could have done differently, he thought to himself. He looked over at Meg. She was still staring at her coffee mug. "That wasn't you're fault " he said, not understanding why this would weight on her for a long time... "There's more." Meg took a deep breath and continued. "She was scared of what was gone happen after she was gone. I kept reassuring her because she was dying and there wasn't anything that could be done about that. David and Nick were good friends and I promised her I would keep an eye out, but I didn't. Nick went away to school, he and David lost touch, and I went about my business. One day, four years later he came into the hospital with alcohol poisoning. It was spring vacation, he was only sixteen. I tried talking to him but he wouldn't listen to me. He kept trying to convince me that that the whole thing was nothing to worry about. He also kept reminding me that I was bound by doctor patient confidentiality, and that I could not tell you anything. When I was called out of the room for something, he took off. I didn't tell you about that, because I was bound by the confidentiality. I could see he was going on this self-destruction journey. He was my best friend's son and I did not do anything. I should have. I should have done something. I should have risked my license." Burton kept silent through her confession. He was shocked at the information about Nick's drinking. Shocked, but not surprised. , he thought to himself. It happened right under my nose. But then, so did the cocaine. This was too much information and too much past, for him to digest in such short time. Before he could figure out what to say, the candy striper walked in and he leaped out of his seat. "Mr. Fallin" she approached politely. "Yes, have you found anything?" "There's no one matching you're son's description in Mercy either. I'm sorry." "Burton sat down. It was nearly midnight and no sight of Nick. He never felt so helpless in his life. "Have you tried calling Nick at home?" Meg suggested. "He may have gone there to get away from the reporters." Burton dialed Nick's number, the line was busy.. Burton quickly thanked the nurse and Meg for their help and listening and headed out to Nicks house, all the while calling Nick and getting a busy line. He opened Nick's door with the key he had. "Nicholas!!" he shouted for his son. The house was dark and quite. He went upstairs. "Nick!" he yelled again. The bedroom was empty. He came back downstairs and decided to check the living room. And there he was, sitting on the sofa, head slumped back. Burton approached his son quietly, his white shirt was covered in blood and so was his face. "Nicholas, Son," he whispered, lightly touching his son to make sure he wasn't hurt. Nick wasn't hurt he was just sleeping. Burton grabbed his son's shoulders and tried to get him to lie down on the couch , carefully without waking him up ,which wasn't very difficult since Nick was fast asleep. As he was pushing him toward the couch his son's head slumped back against his chest, Burton looked down at the face of his son the hero, sleeping peacefully, his son that he almost lost today. He knew Nick would never let him do that when he was awake so he seized his moment, gently kissing his son's hairs and holding him tight. He tried to think of the last time he hugged his son but sadly he couldn't remember. He laid his own head on the couch , he was tired but he knew he had to get out of this position before Nick woke up. Three hours later an exhausted Nick Fallin tossed and turned in his sleep. As he opened his eyes and lifted his head to look around, he noticed he was being held by someone. He recognized the familiar smell of his father and the strong arms wrapped around him . He settled his head back against his father's chest, smiled a little smile to himself and closed his eyes, within seconds he was fast asleep again.