In The Blink of an Eye
 
Author: Eileen Thomson


E-mail: indigotoast@yahoo.com


Rating: PG
 
Summary: Nick in the dark
 
Author's Notes: Thanks to Suzanne for the title which in turn
supplied the idea. To my great beta readers, Suzanne and Linda, as
always, I couldn't do this without you.


--+--


Nick's jacket is hanging over the back of the chair, his shirt
sleeves rolled up. The office at LSP is hot and sticky and sweat
rolls down the hollow of his back. The desk in front of him is piled
high with files, the higher pile on his left hand side. Finishing
writing at the bottom of the page, he signs his name and closes the
file he is working on and places it on top of the pile on his right.

Leaning back, he closes his eyes and rests his head on the back of
the chair. Running both hands through his hair, he massages his
scalp, leaving his normally tidy hair in unruly curls. He then runs
his hands down to his neck and rubs gently, rolling his head and
groaning. "I wish," he says aloud rubbing his eyes with the heel of
his hands, "that a fairy god-mother would come and take me away from
this tedium."

"Careful what you wish for."

Nick jumps, startled at the sound of the voice so close to his
ear. "Laurie, you scared the hell out of me!" Laughing guiltily at
being caught talking to himself he grins and asks, "What brings you
to see me today? Did we have an appointment?"

"Roberto and Lucinda Martinez. They were placed with their uncle,
Julio Martinez two months ago." She pauses, "you remember them?"

"Cutest two kids I've ever seen." Nick says smiling at the thought
of the little boy who had so solemnly shook his hand when they had
first met. Roberto's five year old sister had climbed on a chair and
had put her nose right against Nick's and looked so deeply into his
eyes it had made him uncomfortable. *I still can't think of what she
was seeing.* Leaving the thought Nick turns his attention back to
Laurie.

"I went for a follow-up visit and found they have moved. I had a
phone call this morning telling me where they are." Laurie has a
folder open and is reading while she talks. "The caller claimed
that drugs are being sold from that location." Laurie looks up from
the page. "I have to go check it out, and you are still their
guardian. Come with me, I'm going now." Laurie sees the temper flash
momentarily over Nicks' face and says, a bit sadly, "Not the wish
you were looking for?"

"Why would the uncle move them? He knew the court was monitoring
their situation. The judge was never totally convinced that he was
capable of looking after them, because of his age, to say nothing
about his lifestyle! Moving was just stupid." Nick takes an
exasperated breath. "Oh, let's go! I can't believe the idiocy of
some people."

"You're angry, Nick. I don't understand why." Laurie looks at him
perplexed and confused at his reaction.

"They wanted to be with him so much. Did you see the way they looked
at him? They adored him, and he doesn't deserve that, not if he is
dealing drugs." Nick grabs his jacket from the chair with such force
it threatens to overturn. Turning quickly, the frown mark on his
brow, deep and dark, his voice husky with pent up emotion, he slumps
his shoulders and says softly, "Damn, Laurie don't you ever feel
that you're getting nowhere? Just passing the problem round and
round? Sticking a small Band- Aid on a large terminal wound?"

"Nick, I've told you before, you must learn not to let it get to
you. We do good work, but we don't work miracles. Come on, pretend
I'm your fairy god-mother." She pats him playfully. "I'll treat you
to a cold drink, if you use your car with its wonderful air
conditioning. This heat is killing me."

"My car it is, then let's go and rescue the Martinez babes from
their wicked uncle." He sucks in the hot air and declares, "They
will cry all the way to whatever shelter you put them in, and will
never forgive either of us for what we will do today,"

Laurie glances knowingly at Nick. She has been in the same place
before. Some children affect her more than others. The sad fact was
that Nick had responded, as did everyone else, to the two little
mites because their parents had died tragically. They were two
beautiful souls, lost and tossed on the scrap heap of life. They
had one uncle, their only living relative, who was an irresponsible
young lout. Now it was they who must make these children cry. This
was the hardest part of their job. There was no way to explain to
kids who loved their relatives, that they were better off elsewhere.
It was a no-win situation.

~*~

Arriving at the address, Nick walks round his car and opens the door
for Laurie. "Are you sure this is the right place? It looks so
normal, and this is a good enough area." He stops and looks up the
tree lined street and at other children playing there. Safe and
secure, everything as it should be.

"It is odd, not the place you would usually link with drug
distribution. Let's go and find out, shall we?" Laurie is as bemused
as he is but the visit must be made.

"Laurie, we're in the wrong place." Nick is convinced they have the
wrong address. "Look at the swing and all the toys in the yard. This
is not a house for dealing drugs. People would notice anything out
of place here and the police would be informed. Trust me, I know
about this. Areas where anything goes un-seen are best for the drug
trade."

"Let's check it out. It does no harm to ask if Roberto and Lucinda
are here. We have a job to do Nick. Don't let the idea of hurting
these children get in the way of doing what is right for them."
Laurie smiles inside at Nick. He tries so hard to distance himself
from the reality of the children, but he gets caught up every time.
He struggles to reign in his emotions and fails at each turn. Right
from the start with Hunter then Lawrence Neal, and Leslie, he has
given a little bit of his soul to each and every one. He has given
more than he ever intended. The plight of these under-privileged
kids always touches him in some way.

Half way up the drive Nick stops and examines the house closely. The
lawn is cut and well kept, the paintwork on the stoop is in good
order and the stairs leading up to the front door are swept and
clean. The front door is a solid teak with brass fittings. There is
nothing threatening about this place. *Maybe Julio just found a
better place to live, and forgot to inform Social Services,* Nick
thinks hopefully.

The first sign that something is amiss is the strong acrid smell
that wreaths itself round them as they go up the stairs to the front
door. Something is burning inside the house, but there is a smell
there which is familiar to Nick. Something he should know. It
tantalizes him, wrapped up, as it is, in the noxious aroma of
burning rubber. Nick pinches his nose to stop the fumes. They nip
and scorch his nostrils. "What is God's name have they burned? That
is vile."

Laurie steps to the side of him and, leaning round him, she knocks
on the door. Silence.

Nick puts his ear to the solid wood. "I can't hear anything at all,"
he says. He is astounded when the door opens a small bit and Roberto
peeks out from the crack.

"Hello, Mr. Fallin, are you lost?" The little boy's high pitched
lisping voice makes Nick smile.

"No, we…" Nick moves to allow him to see Laurie, "…we've come to
visit with you. Is that all-right? Is your Uncle Julio in the house?"

"I'll find him," says Roberto, and leaving the door ajar he turns to
find his uncle.

Nick pushes the door with his toe to open it further. The whole
world then slows down to millisecond movements. Time stretches and
bends. Nick will, for the rest of his life, view the next few
seconds as it appears to happen over hours. He sees the table in the
living room to the left of the front door, the glass paraphernalia
set up to concoct drugs. There is brown liquid and rubber tubing on
fire on the table beneath the broken glass. The two men working at
the table seem to realize together that it can't be put out and turn
in different directions to run from it. Nick finally knows what the
smell is. Glass is melting and over-heating, getting ready to
burst. This glass is at its hottest before it explodes into small,
skin-tearing shards.

He watches Lucinda within the living room see him and come towards
him, reaching out. Stepping into the room he lifts Roberto roughly
by the shoulders and bodily pulls him backwards out of the room. He
twirls him round, catching Laurie in her middle and knocking her
over with the impetus of Roberto's small body colliding into her.
Laurie instinctively puts her hands out to catch and protect the
boy. Nick sees Laurie and Roberto fall back, and hears the
sickening thump as her head hits the wooden veranda floor. Roberto
rolls over her head and bangs into the railing.

The explosion rips past Nick's ears and deafens him.

The blast propels him forward and his forehead impacts with the
upright bar on the top of the stoop. He lies, stunned for a moment,
and then he hears Lucinda calling him. His hearing is fuzzy and he
can feel the blood pounding in his head, there is no other sound.
Then he hears her call again and crawls back towards the front door.
*Get Lucinda* the thought races in his brain but something has
happened and he is not able to see where the young girl is any more.
Feeling, groping forward, he eventually finds her and lifts her into
his arms. "It's all right, I have you now," he murmurs dreamily, "I
have you now."

His head is pounding and sounds seem muffled. Bright flashing lights
dance in front of his unseeing eyes. The pain is tremendous and his
body hurts all over. In some places he feels the small glass cuts
biting at his skin. The lights he sees are slowly fading into a
terrifying darkness. *Someone is putting all the lights out. Don't
leave me in the dark.* His thoughts race round in mad circles,
uncontrolled and petrifying. He can feel tears running down his
face. *I'm crying,* His thoughts are incoherent. *Am I crying
because I hurt? Am I crying because I can't see? Why can't I see?*
Holding on to Lucinda, Nick slowly topples back. The sounds of men
shouting rise and fall in the distance. Everything is mixed with
the noise of running feet, and the faint sound of sirens approaching
from far away. The sounds fade slowly, casting Nick into the
blackness of oblivion.

~*~

Burton Fallin sits nursing his paper cup, not drinking from it, just
needing something to hold to stop his hands from shaking. The police
have already informed him that a child is dead, and one has a broken
arm. Laurie Solt from Social Services is mildly concussed. There has
been no news of Nicholas since he was taken for a CAT scan. His
forehead had swelled alarmingly and the pressure was causing great
concern. Burton knew Nicholas had come round in the ambulance and
said he couldn't see. Terror built up in his stomach again and he
starts quaking once more at the thought of Nicholas being blind.

He stands quickly at the sound of the doctor approaching. "Is there
news?" his voice quivers, showing the fear he is trying so hard to
hide.

"Sit, please. I have to tell you that the swelling is very serious.
He was given first aid at the scene, but only time will tell if it
has helped in any way. The swelling is causing massive pressure on
Nick's eyes that is generating the blindness. We are attempting to
reduce the swelling as quickly as possible. Now, whether his sight
will return when the swelling goes down is not something I would
like to guess at. Nothing is broken." He looks sympathetically at
Burton, seeing the horror of the news sink in. "Look, in most cases
I would say sixty percent, the sight is fine, but sometimes the
damage is permanent because of the time it takes to heal and for the
pressure to abate. It's all about time now." The doctor stands up
and shakes Burton's hand. "I'm sorry the news is not better."

*My boy is blind.* Burton sinks into the chair, an old man, laden
down with sorrow. *My boy is blind.*



--+--
 
 
In The Blink of an Eye. #2

Four weeks have now passed and Burton has been summoned to the
hospital once more. *I should take a bed here,* he thinks, *I seem
to spend my life running round this place. I wonder what he's done
this time?*

Nick is the worst patient the nurses have ever had. He won't eat,
but he squirrels food away and they find pieces of it in his bed.
The doctors want him to see a psychiatrist, but he won't hear of it,
and to make things worse he will not allow visitors to see him. The
doctors feel he is hampering his own recovery. The swelling, which
had for a few weeks made him look like a Neanderthal, has almost
gone and the damage is now hardly visible. He has patches on both
his eyes to guard them from dirt, and wears thick dark glasses with
covered sides to keep out any harsh lights. Lights he should be
seeing. The doctors feel that he has a mental block of some sort and
he is willing himself not to see. Nick talks to no-one but his
father. Alvin, Barbara and Laurie had all visited in the first week
but he had refused to see them. Jake had come one day with Burton,
but Nick was determined to be alone. The doctors beg him daily to
talk to someone, to seek professional help.

Burton hears Nick before he gets to the room. His son is speaking
very loudly, something he does all the time now, as if to compensate
for his blindness. Burton finds this the most disconcerting thing
about Nicholas' injury. He is very strident and has no patience
whatsoever.

"I'm going home, I won't stay here another night. Get my father
right now." Nick sounds threatening and the young nurse is backing
away from him as Burton enters into the hospital room.

"Nicholas, please sit down. You will hurt yourself."

Turning too swiftly at the sound of his father's voice, Nick looses
his balance and falls over. He bangs his elbow on the side of the
bed. "I want out of here!" he growls, still sitting on the floor. "I
want out of here today." He sits and with a petulant look on his
face he rubs his sore elbow. "Get me out of here, please Dad."

"Let me talk to your doctors. I have a plan worked out to see if
they will release you."

"No nurses, I don't want strangers in my house," Nick interrupts.

"I'm going to take some time off from the firm and will move in with
you. It will be just until you're able to see again." He puts hand
under Nick's armpits to help him up and feels Nick tense up.

"I can get up from the floor. I'm not an invalid. I'm blind, not
stupid." Nick is shouting again, his fury aimed at his father
because he can find no one else to blame.

"Nicholas, enough! This is as much as I'm going to take from you.
Now behave. Sit down and I'll be back when I've seen your doctor."
Burton talks to Nick as he is a wayward infant.

"I'm not a child," Nick mumbles huffily.

"That does not seem to be the case at this precise moment," Burton
states firmly.


~*~

"I will allow him to leave if you understand this. I truly believe
he is cured. There is nothing wrong with his eyes. Try to get him to
see a psychiatrist. He needs professional help." The doctor pauses,
and eyes Burton with great concern. He speaks hesitantly. "Mr.
Fallin, your boy is mentally traumatized. There is nothing
physically wrong with him." He drums his fingers on the end of the
desk, trying to find an easy way to say what must be said. "That
does not mean he will be cured. He is in mental torment. Whatever
psychological demons are holding him back must be removed. These
demons can keep him blind forever. These things have happened
before. I cannot stress this too strongly. You must find someone for
him to confide in. If you remain the only one he will talk to, then
you must find out what is going on in that man's head."

"I will," Burton says, looking the doctor straight in the eye. *You
didn't get to know my son very well, doc. The chances of anyone
getting close enough to finding anything out before he is ready to
give it away is minimal,* Burton thinks as he lies to the other
man's face.

~*~

Home is no easier for Nick than the hospital is. When he enters the
hall he stops and asks what it looks like. This makes Burton very
angry.

"You live here, Nicholas, stop and think. Walk to the stairs. Feel
the wall, find your way around. You know where everything is
supposed to be I won't move anything. You should be able to maneuver
round the house." Burton softens his tone and puts his hand on his
boys back. "Look, I've brought you your mother's bell. Do you
remember the story she told about it?"

Nick reaches towards the sound of his father's voice and takes the
bell from him. He holds it up to his face and says, "Mom kept it in
beside the books. I remember her polishing the brass." He tilts his
head as if remembering something from long past. "Do you clean it?
It doesn't smell the same."

"I'll get cleaner and polish it tomorrow. It's been in a cupboard
for a long time now."

"I miss Mom. I wish she were here now. She would make things
better." Nick speaks like a sad and spoilt child with little
understanding that only he can make anything change.

~*~

Another four weeks have past and Nick still knocks things down and
walks into the furniture. Burton has moved the living room furniture
back so his son has room to maneuver, but Nick insists it be put
back. His temper is ragged and Burton is at his wits end trying to
cope with his sons tantrums. The bell, which Burton thought would
make life easier, is becoming an albatross round his neck. Nick
rings it incessantly. Sometimes he rings just to see if his father
is in the house. He fears being left alone. Burton is worn out and
beyond understanding Nick. He knows he will soon have to broach the
subject of Nick seeing a psychiatrist.

He now has the problem of getting Nick to eat. This is the one area
he worries about most. Nick is losing weight he just can't afford.
His once wiry frame is becoming thinner by the day. He has found
that Nick steals food, takes boxes of cookies up to his bedroom
along with cartons of milk, but will not sit down to a meal. All
Burton gets from him is, "not hungry."

More and more often he finds Nick sitting at the end of the couch,
his knees pulled up to his chin. Shut down and shut off from all
reality. The worry has aged Burton beyond belief. His inability to
cope with Nick has seriously infringed on his self esteem.

~*~

The bell had rung. Burton is sure he had heard it, and he groggily
rises from bed to see what Nick needs. His bedroom door is open and
before he can go out into the upstairs hall he sees Nick fumbling
cautiously along the wall towards the stairwell. Waiting and
watching he quietly follows him downstairs. He follows him through
into the breakfast room and sees him go towards the fridge. Nick
bangs into the breakfast bar and stops to rub his hip, cursing
softly. Feeling about, Nick takes out cold cuts and tomatoes. He
gropes along to find the bread bin and takes out bread. Using
nothing which may leave a mess, Nick stands at the bar and eats.
Burton is completely perplexed and knows he will have to phone the
doctor to ask advice about this new phenomenon. Nick knocks into the
small portable CD player Burton has in the kitchen, his one respite
from his demanding son. Nick gropes round it and presses the play
button, Johnny Cash's' gravel voice groans out "Without Love." Nick
suddenly turns his head and looks with his covered eyes towards his
father. Burton holds his breath and withdraws from the room. He sits
at the top of the stairs to wait for Nick to go back to bed.

~*~

Having seen him eat the night before, Burton thinks Nick will eat
today, but he is back to the terse, `not hungry' Rubbing his eyes
free of the tears threatening to fall, Burton leaves the kitchen to
ask if Nick will `please' have some breakfast. As he passes through
the hall, the phone rings and he stops to answer.

"Was that the office?" Nick asks, surprising Burton. It's the first
time he has made any inquiries about work since the accident.

"Bellman's in New York wants someone to go do some work for them.
I'll send Jake."

"You should go, they need you. That's why they phoned, they must
have asked for you. They're your clients. Go Dad, you need a break,
I'll be all right. I won't do anything stupid." Nick's wheedling
tone cranks up Burton's distrust button.

"I will go. I'll just phone Maddie and ask her to come and be with
you until I get back."

"Don't do that!" Nick is frantic and he begs his Dad to leave him
alone. "I'll manage. I will. Please don't get the judge. Dad,
please."

Burton goes to the phone and Nick can hear him ask someone to come
over. He strains to listen in to the discussion.

"I can't say I'm doing very well," Burton says. Then, "I just find
everything so difficult."

Nicks waits for his father to speak again, and then he hears, "I
want to help him but he won't let me."

The silence rings loudly in Nicks ears.

"Is she there?"

Nick again waits for the conversation to continue.

"Well, if you two are sure that's the better plan, I'll go along
with that," Burton responds. "I'll be ready to leave in about two
hours. Thank you so very much. I really appreciate this, but please,
be warned, he is not an easy person to deal with."

Burton laughs at the reply and says, "Bye now, I'll see you later."

~*~



Burton is upstairs packing when he hears a song from his music
collection playing. *Now what?* Thinking he is about to get into
another row he heads downstairs. Nick is standing in the middle of
the breakfast room. The CD's are scattered over the table top and
Nick is perfectly still, his head cocked to one side listening
intently.

"Nicholas…"

Nick waves his hand at his father to be quiet, and continues
listening to the song. When it is done he asks, "Do you think he
really wore black as a sign of permanent mourning? I've never heard
that song before. It's Johnny Cash, isn't it?" Nick, his head bowed
and his arms wrapped round himself whispers. "I wish I could cry."

Burton is stunned at Nick's words. "Are you sad? Son, are you in
pain? Can I do anything to help? Nicholas, talk to me, please." He
steps forward and takes his son in his arms. Nick burrows his head
into his father's neck and Burton can feel the slight tremors run
through Nick's body. He feels Nick's soft breath in the hollow of
his throat. Twisting his head round he kisses his son's temple. "I
won't leave you, I'll stay here with you," he says quietly.

"Go to New York, Dad, give yourself a break." The resignation in
Nick's voice cuts Burton to the bone. Nick turns, feeling his way
through the back hall into the living room and back to the couch.
There he curls himself into the now familiar ball, tilting his head
sideways onto the couch. Johnny Cash's gravel voice growls
mournfully on in the background. He cuddles into a cushion and
wonders what color it is. He knows all the colors in his home but he
can't see them in his minds eye.

The tremors Nick has to control each and every day creep up and
jeopardize the front he has so carefully built. Terror screams at
him. This fear is his constant companion. *Don't give in. Shut down.
Don't listen to the voice. Shut down. Shut down. Blind…Blind… I want
to die; I don't want to live in the dark. I'm afraid, I'm so
afraid.* Hysteria clinches him in its savage grip and he shakes in
panic. *I don't want Maddie to see me like this. I don't want anyone
to see me like this. I hate Me.* His mind, once so precise, now
swirls with incoherent, mindless ramblings. He can't fix on any one
thing for more than a moment, and then the fear is back nipping and
biting at his psyche. Exhausted, he tries to wipe his mind clean.

~*~

Nick wakes with a start. The dream was important and he wants to go
back to the white place. *Concentrate. What is he saying?*

"I'm going now son," he hears his father saying. "I'll be back in
two days. Are you sure you're going to be all right?" Burton leans
down and hugs Nick.

Groggily Nick tries to rustle his thoughts together. His dream is
still clinging to him and his focus is unclear. "Fine, Dad, I'm
fine."

He hears the front door close and the quiet fills the air. The
silence cuts him. He reaches out and feels the air move in front of
him. His is alone and his teeth chatter with terror. "Is someone
there?" he asks into the emptiness. The silence deafens him. He
hears nothing over is the sound of his heart pounding in his
head. "Am I alone?" he asks out loud. Chills and shivers curl and
snake their way into his soul. *I've change my mind. I don't want to
be alone. I'm so afraid. Why doesn't anyone understand?* Nick rises
unsteadily from the couch and stops as he thinks he feels the
presence of someone in the room. He imagines he can feel their
breath on his face and it un-nerves him. His breathing is becoming
ragged and he fights the anxiety and dread building in his mind. His
voice trembling, he asks again, "Please, is somebody there?"
 
--+--
 
 
In The Blink of an Eye #3


"Your shirt is buttoned wrong. Undo it and start from the collar and
work down. It's easier that way. Is it all right if I make some tea?
I use Lapsang Souchong so I brought my own. Where is the kitchen?
Nick, are you paying attention?"

"Laurie… Laurie." Nick's voice is cracked with pain. He reaches his
hands out towards the sound, finds and grips her out-stretched
hand. "*Laurie's here, she'll understand, she'll make it better.*
The trembling Nick has hidden from his father now takes him over
with a vengeance and he starts to quake from head to foot. The
tremors have a life of their own and Nick can do nothing but shake
and shiver.

Laurie sits him gently down on the couch and puts her arms round
him, cradling him like a child. She rocks and holds him until the
shuddering stops. When he has calmed down enough Laurie gently moves
from him and asks, "Tea?"

"No, thank you," Nick's voice is quivering. "The kitchen is through
the hall at the left of the stairs."

"Sort your shirt then." Laurie's tone brooks no argument and Nick
stands shakily and starts to unbutton his shirt.

"My Dad never said my shirt was buttoned wrong."

"Your Dad has been living in constant fear of upsetting you. I don't
have that problem. If you want to be upset, you just go ahead."

A smile pinches at his lips and laughter bubbles in his throat and
he can't help but shake his head and let it go.

"Finding something amusing?" Laurie shouts from the hallway on her
way to the kitchen. "Share it, why don't you."

"Everyone has been walking on eggs round me and you come in here and
calmly tell me to get upset. You may be just what I need."

*I know JUST what you need young Mr. Fallin, and I'll need blackmail
to get you there, but you won't be able to help yourself. You'll do
just as I ask, because you're you and I'm Me.* Laurie muses as she
makes the pungent tea she so adores. *This may well become a battle
of wills, and while I readily admit that at the best of times I
would not be able to outwit you, you're blind and vulnerable, and I
will take advantage. Forgive me Nick, but this is for your own
good.*

"Cola, then?" she asks when she returns to the living room. She
hands Nick the can with a straw sticking out of the top.

They sit, one at each end of the couch, like warriors about to do
battle.



"Roberto Martinez." Laurie fires the first shot. "We have kept him
in hospital for the last eight weeks. He will have to leave there
tomorrow."

"I don't want to hear this." Nick makes to move away, but Laurie
leans forward and puts her hand on his chest and ever so gently
pushes him back.

"You have to hear it, Nick. He wants you. I have a great foster
family for him, and if things work out, they will adopt. He won't go
until you say it's the right thing to do. He wants his guardian.
That's you."

"I'm blind. Did you notice that? Maybe it slipped past your mind and
you need it drawn to your attention." Nick is shaking with temper
and his voice is low and furious.

Laurie ignores Nick's outburst. "The family has a four year old boy.
It would be good for Roberto to have someone to look after, don't
you think? It's what he's used to. The family is going to meet with
Roberto again at the hospital tomorrow. I think you should be there.
Nick, all you have to do is tell him to go with them. No one will
see you, I promise. He needs you; this is the best chance he will
ever get. Nick, this could make the difference between having a home
and going into a shelter." She touches his shoulder gently. "I
wouldn't ask if there was any other way." *God forgive you, Laurie
Solt. You will never get to heaven, with lies like that! Come on
Nick, I'm sinning my soul here. Take the bait!* Laurie crosses her
fingers while the thought chants in her mind. *Take the bait, Nick,
take the bait.*

Nick's mind drifts and the memory of the first time he had met the
two children meanders through, like a movie running in his brain. He
sees Roberto, just seven years old reaching out to shake his hand.
Nick had been shaken at how much he felt for the little boy's
bravery. When Lucinda, a beautiful child with black curls falling
over her soft brown eyes had climbed onto the chair at his side and
put her button nose against his and looked deep into his eyes, he
had been quite perturbed. "I wonder why she did that."

"Did what? Who?" Laurie asks. *Damn, I've lost him,* she thinks.

"Sorry. I was thinking out loud." Nick flushes with embarrassment.
Now he will have to explain this. "Lucinda. She looked into my eyes.
Put her nose on mine and just stared. Have you ever come across
that before?"

"Yes, it's something younger kids do." Laurie's voice is quiet and
the tone warm. "A young five-year-old named Wilson Smith did it to
me. He did it when I found him his foster parents. He did it again
when the adoption went through. I never knew what he was looking for
or seeing." Laurie sighs, contentment pouring out from her like
balmy sun washing over them both. "When he turned eighteen he played
piano professionally for the first time. His parents invited me to
attend. When he was finished and we went backstage he bent down and
did it again. This time he said, `I still see an angel in there.' It
was one of the times I was proud to do this job." As he hears her
sigh Nick can imagine her squirming more comfortably into the depth
of the couch. "Nick, maybe Lucinda was just looking for a friend."

"So. Roberto? Can we go to the hospital? I'll phone Joan and Peter
Marc and arrange a time then you won't have to hang about." Laurie
continues her onslaught.

"How long will it take? I don't want to be out too long." Nick gives
in ungraciously.

*Got you!* she crows into herself. "Oh, Nick thank you. This is for
Roberto, and he will be grateful to you in the future for this, I
promise. I'll go phone them now."

~*~
Laurie heard the bell some time around midnight. Rising from her
guest room bed she puts on her dressing gown and hurries to Nick's
room. Not wanting to just barge in, she knocks softly on the
door. "Nick, do you need me?"

From inside the room she hears him groan and she opens the door a
crack and sees him tossing around. *You carry terrible demons, Nick.
You should learn to talk to people, it helps to dispel them,* the
bell lies on the floor where it has landed and she picks it up and
places it quietly on the bedside table. Nick calls out in his dreams
for Lucinda. Laurie looks round the room and, seeing a tall backed
wicker chair in the corner, she brings it over to the bed. Sitting
beside him while he sleeps she takes his hand and whispers almost
inaudibly, "Don't worry, everything will be all right. I'm here now
and everything will get better. You just wait and see." She makes
her voice soft and sing-song.

Nick's fingers open and relax, a smile flits over his beautiful
sleeping face and he mumbles, "Mom."

~*~

Laurie is waiting at the foot of the stairs. Nick is taking along
time to get ready. He'd chosen his clothes and Laurie has told him
everything matched. *I think he has had second thoughts. God,
please. Don't let him change his mind now* "Nick, are you ready? We
have to go now or we'll be late."

Holding the stair rail with both hands, Nick crabs down the steps.
Laurie goes up to meet him.

"Do it this way," she says, putting his hand under her elbow and his
other on the rail. "You haven't forgotten how to walk down stairs.
Don't be afraid. Just do what you normally do without thinking. The
steps haven't moved. One foot in front of the other," she cajoles
with a mothers tender care.

Nick stops dead at the foot of the stairs and refuses to move.
Laurie turns and asks, "What's wrong now?"

Nick blushes and lowers his head like a guilty little boy.
Scratching the back of his head he asks humbly, "Are my shoes clean?"

Laurie's throat constricts. He is hurting on so many levels; it
pains her to force him into this. She finds the words difficult to
say, so she pats his arm and says dryly, "You're very handsome. Are
you ready to go?"

~*~

Twenty minutes into the journey, Laurie notices that Nick is looking
very pale.

"Did you take the pill I gave you Nick?" Laurie asks as he struggles
to loosen off his seat belt a little bit.

"What was it for?" Nick had been overwhelmed by the idea of going
out, and when Laurie had pushed the pill into his hand he had taken
it without thought.

"Travel sickness. It appears that when someone becomes blind they
find movement difficult. I never knew that. Don't you find that odd?"

"I drive all the time. Why should I be sick now?" Nick frowns; the
thought of being sick is not an appealing one.

"I read about it on the Internet. I had a quick look to see what I
should be doing to help my new blind friend."

"Not funny Laurie! I'm not too secure being out in the open. I feel
squeamish; maybe we should forget this trip." The longer they drive,
the more nervous Nick gets. His stomach growls with hunger, and he
quickly forces his mind to ignore the pangs which gnaw at him.

Laurie glances at Nick again and realizes that he is fighting
against motion sickness with every fiber of his body. "Hang on,
we're almost there. When you can get out of the car you'll feel
better. The Marcs have had to wait around for a while to give you
time to see Roberto. The least we can do is turn up. You can see him
in one of the side rooms. That way you can talk privately."

"Laurie, I don't want to talk to him alone. Can't you come with me?"
he asks quietly.

"Nick Fallin. You're his guardian, just do what you're good at.
Persuade the boy to go with the Marcs."

Fighting the sickness forces Nick think of other things to try to
keep his mind away from the nausea. He goes over in his mind the
steps needed to place Roberto with the Marcs family, and only now
that he has given it thought does he sees the lie. "Laurie, we will
have to go to court. A judge will have to see Roberto and I will
have to be there. Laurie. What have you done?" Nick losses the
battle he has been fighting against the fear and allows it to rise
up and engulf him. He feels the car slow down then stop. "I'm not
getting out. How could you do this?"

"It was easy Nick. I looked into Roberto's eyes and he said he
wanted you. I'm taking you to him. Now get out of the car, we're
here."

"Don't do this to me, Laurie. Everyone will stare at me. I'm blind,
goddamn it. Have you no decency?" The desperation in Nicks' voice
almost unhinges her, but Laurie calmly opens his door.

"You are a guardian. You have a responsibility to this child. Stop
thinking about yourself Nick. This is his whole life you are playing
with. Next week you may be able to see, but his chance will be gone.
Shame on you, Nicholas Fallin, for not wanting to do the best for
him."

Nick ungraciously slams the car door open and rashly pushes himself
from the front seat.


--+--


In The Blink of an Eye #4

Standing, waiting for Laurie, Nick can feel his temper spiraling out
of control. *It's the fear, I know it is, but mostly it's the pride.
You just don't want anyone to look at you and think, `He deserved
that.'*

Laurie watches the emotions dance across Nick's face and she knows
he is in his own way fighting his demons. She has no doubt he will
win. She reaches over and puts his hand on her elbow. "Remember to
walk at my side. I won't leave you. You won't fall, trust me."

Slowly they make their way into the hospital and up in the elevator
to the ward. The nearer Nick comes to facing Roberto the more
nervous he becomes. *He has to hate me. I lost his sister, I wasn't
quick enough. God, why didn't you make me quicker?* His grip on
Laurie's elbow becomes unbearably tight and Laurie winces at the
pressure, but says nothing.

Taking Nick into a room, she gets him seated. "I'll go and fetch
Roberto. Is everything going to be all right? Are you going to
manage this?" Nick is pale and drawn and looks as if he may be sick.

"I'm here, let's get it done." He hears Laurie start to leave the
room and he asks, "I can do this… can't I?"

Laurie comes back and stands beside him. She runs her fingers
through his hair and gently rubs his back. "I have more faith in a
blind Nick Fallin than I have in most of the lawyers I work with.
Nick, listen to me now and try to believe what I say. You will
suffer and weep for many children. Each one will take a little bit
of your heart. Some, like Leslie Walker, will take a great big
chunk, but you have a heart big enough to cope with this, you will
always find an extra piece to give. I have faith in you." She is
tempted to drop a motherly kiss on his head, but instead, turns, and
leaves him alone.

*I can do this, Roberto needs me, Laurie has faith in me, I can do
this.* Nick hears Roberto walk into the room and he reaches out his
hand towards the sound. He expects Roberto to shake his hand as he
has done in the past. But not this time, Nick feels the boy take his
hand and place it on his small face. Tears run from the boys eyes
down on to Nick's fingers dripping from one to the next. Nick feels
down Roberto's arm, finds his small body, and hugs him to his chest.

"Oh, Mr. Fallin, will you be blind forever?" Roberto asks in a small
voice.

Choking back the tears, which Nick thought he would never cry, he
says in a husky voice, wracked with fervor, "I will see again. I
just don't know when, but right now I'm here for you."

Roberto and Nick have been talking for thirty minutes and Laurie is
worried at the time he is taking. Judge Damson is going to wait at
the juvenile court until Nick and Roberto can get there, but time is
moving along. Laurie worries too that Nick will put a cat amongst
the pigeons. This is something she is well used to with him. Closing
her eyes she can hear him say it, `This child has the right to have
his wishes heard in court.' *Damn you Nick come on, No mischief
today if you don't mind.* her thoughts are interrupted be the sound
of Roberto running along the corridor.

"Mr. Fallin would like to meet Mr. and Mrs. Marc now, he says if
that's all right. I have to stay here." Roberto hops from one foot
to the other in a happy dance.

"Everything went okay then. You're happy?" Laurie asks a bit
distracted by the fact that Nick has asked to see the Marcs.

"That's between me and my lawyer," Roberto answers solemnly.

Laurie stares at him in astonishment. *That boy just opened his
mouth and Nick Fallin fell out!*

"Laurie, Laurie. Where are you? We have to go now." Nick's voice
echoes down the corridor of the hospital. "Laurie!"

"Give me time, Nick. I didn't even have a chance to answer you the
first time." The Marcs have gone and she wonders vaguely if he has
upset them. Laurie ponders whether to try and find out how things
have gone. *Should I ask or will he cut me to pieces? No. He'll cut
me to pieces. Best leave it until they are both ready.*

~*~

Nick gets into the back of the car beside Roberto and she can hear
them talking quietly. She strains to hear what they say but the
engine is too noisy and they seem determined to keep her in the
dark. *I'm sitting in the car with the child I will recommend into
the care of the Marcs. His lawyer is sitting in the car with me and
I have no idea whether he agrees or not. This is the most ludicrous
situation.*

~*~

Laurie gives Nick her hand to help him out of the car. She can feel
the tension in him. She whispers as he stands up. "Remember I have
faith in you, make me proud."

*Be honest Nicholas Fallin, you have made many enemies in Family
Court and there will be more than a few who will take pleasure in
seeing you stumbling down the halls of the court house. Well damn
it, I won't stumble, I'll show them I can be more than brave. I'll
show everybody!* Nick straightens his back as Roberto takes his hand
and places it on his narrow shoulder. He crosses his other hand over
his chest and holds it in place, both of them gleaning comfort from
the touch. Laurie gives him her elbow and, head held high, Nick
Fallin returns to court.

Voices fall silent as they pass down the main corridor, but Nick
makes no sign he notices.

*That's my boy!* Laurie crows silently. *Your father would be very
proud of you. I think he'll hear about this. Lots of people will
talk of the way you came down the hall as if you owned the place.*

~*~

"Good to see you, Mr. Fallin."

"Thank you, Judge Damsen."

"Are you ready now to make a recommendation on behalf of Social
Services, Ms. Solt?" the judge asks.

"Social Services would like to recommend Roberto Martinez be placed
in the care of Mr. and Mrs. Marcs," Laurie states firmly. In her gut
she knows that Nick is about to gum up the works. It's in the way he
sits, or in the slight aura of superiority about him, but she can
feel it coming.

"Mr. Fallin? Please feel free to stay seated." Judge Damsen says.

"Judge Damsen, Roberto has been through a very traumatic period in
his young life and has little confidence left. I have spoken the
Marcs and they will agree to this arrangement if you will sanction
it. Roberto would like to remain as he is for now. He wishes that I
remain his guardian ad litem for a period of at least three months.
If it would be possible to come back to court then, I feel it would
be better for Roberto to decide what is best to be done for him
later. In the mean time, he is quite happy to be placed with the
Marcs."

*I'll kill him!* Laurie sneaks a look round at the prospective
foster family but they seem unperturbed by the events, so Nick must
have discussed it with them. She breathes a sigh of relief. *Not too
shabby, Mr. Fallin.*

"We'll visit this again in three months. Have your client prepared
Mr. Fallin."

Nick turns to Roberto. "I still belong to you. I want you to go with
the Marcs now. One of Laurie's friends will go with you. "Nick
places his forehead on the boy's and wills himself to see inside his
head. "Mr. Marc has my phone number if you need me. Remember I'm
your guardian. I won't let you down, ever."

Roberto puts his skinny arms round Nick and hugs. "The next time I
see you will you `see' me?"

"Brown hair and brown eyes, freckles on your nose and a scar over
your eyebrow. Your hair sticks up at the side and you smell of
bananas." Nick tells him. "I can see you."

Roberto laughs, he had eaten a banana in the car before he came to
court and knows Nick is pulling his leg.


Leaving the court Nick holding on to Laurie's arm he stumbles when
she stops abruptly. Walking him over to the wall, she tells
him, "Wait here, I'll just be out of your reach, but I can still see
and hear you."

Now it's Nick who tries to hear what is said, but apart from
the `Hell I'm sorry' he misses everything. Being left on his own has
brought the terror back snaking round his guts. The pounding and
shushing noise in his ears drowns out all round him. He starts to
freeze up with panic, but feels Laurie's hand on his arm squeezing
and giving comfort. He takes a deep breath and attempts to calm
himself.

"All right, we can go now," she says.

Nick nervously tries to take her arm again but she has files on that
side.

"Wait until I move these over."

"I'll take them," Nick says, putting out his hands to take them.
Lifting them from her proffered hands, he tucks them under his
arm. "Now I look like a lawyer," he quips to hide his fears. "Who
was that?" he asks his curiosity piqued.

"A cop, a friend," she tells him, her tone giving no encouragement
for discussion.

*And that's that. She should have just said `none of your business'
because that is just what she means!* Nick still wonders what a cop
could have told her to upset her so much.


~*~

"It's been a long day, Nick. What would you like to eat? I brought
some food with me. Come on, anything you want. Anything for the hero
of the cause," she jokes. "Come on, Nick, I'm a good cook."

"Not hungry."

This time Laurie notices Nick blushing and is now very intrigued by
this problem. *Embarrassed? I have no clue why that should be.*
Laurie stands in the hall looking into the living room wondering
what could be the reason for Nick not eating. *We have to sort this
out young Mr. Fallin. I won't be losing a good lawyer and friend
like you without a fight.* She shakes her head in puzzlement. *What
is this all about?*


~*~

Later that evening Laurie watches Nick takes up a carton of juice
and a packet of cookies to his room. *Tell me what's going on, Nick?
I can't work this out. You're behaving like a crazy man.* She stands
watching as he goes up the left hand side of the stairs. When he
gets to the top, he angles his body by putting the last rail in the
small of his back and walking in a diagonal line, hand outstretched,
to the opposite wall. Once he hits the wall with his hand he feels
carefully along to the door.

"Good night Laurie," he calls down, and then he enters his bedroom
and closes the door behind him.

~*~

In the night, the bell rings, strident and loud. Laurie jumps out of
bed and runs to Nick's room. She throws open the door and as soon as
the light from the hall hits his face, Laurie knows she has to get
him out of bed. He is ashen and his breathing is ragged. He gasps
for air and wriggles about in bed struggling to free himself.

"Laurie, Laurie I'm going to be sick." Nick is clawing at the
blankets, but he is tying himself tighter with every pull.

She untangles him quickly and leads him at a run to the bathroom.
Too late. Nick vomits and misses the toilet. Laurie waits while he
is violently sick. She pats his back and shushes him as any mother
would her child.

When he is finally done, Laurie stands him up, and folding the front
of his t-shirt up, she takes it off, lifting it from the back,
pulling it over his head.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." He mumbles over and over. Nick is
mortified that someone will now have to clean his bathroom.

"Nick, I'm a mother. This is not the first time I have had to clean
up vomit and it probably will not be the last. Forget it. Now I want
you to clean your teeth and wash out your mouth." When Nick has done
this Laurie leads him to his bed and pulls a cover round him. "Don't
go back to bed. I want to talk to you. This won't take a minute."

Nick sits on the bed in silence, unable to find the words to say to
thank Laurie for her help. Remembering too the many times he has
been sharp tongued with her. He sits for an eternity waiting for her
to come back to him. His thoughts are a mire of misery and guilt.
*Why do I always shut out people, especially the ones who would do
me least harm? I put them from me and yet I take the ones who would
hurt in.*

Laurie touches him on the back and he cringes away from her. "I want
you to get dressed. Can you manage to find the shower and everything
you need?"

"Yes," Nick mutters, his head tucked down and even though he has put
back on his dark glasses over the night time pads, he seems to avert
his eyes.

"Call for me when you're ready. Are you listening, Nick?"

"Yes, I'll call for you."

~*~
Showered and, feeling slightly better Nick is ready to face Laurie
and whatever lecture she has in store for him. *I can get
downstairs. I won't shout and embarrass myself any more tonight.*
Nick feels along the wall outside his room with his left hand. Too
late he realizes he has misjudged. There is no wall for him to hold
and he is disoriented. He moves to take another step…


 
--+--
 
 
In The Blink of an Eye #5




"Stop!" Laurie's voice is strident with fear and stops Nick in his
tracks. Laurie grabs his arm and says, "Put your foot out.
Carefully."

Nick slowly puts out his foot and feels… nothing. He has somehow
come to the top of the steps and would have tumbled down had Laurie
not been there to stop him.

"Now, Nicholas Fallin, will you please take my arm? We will go
downstairs and talk the rest of the night away. Do you have any
spare blankets?"

"Yes," Resigned to the rest of the night being one long lecture he
gives in ungraciously. "They're in the cupboard in the room you're
using. Why do you want them?"

"Just wait here, I'll get them. Then, Mr. Fallin, we are going to
talk." She chuckles to herself then says, "Well, I'll talk and you
can listen."

Nick stands shivering with fear and the shock of his near escape.
Deep inside he feels his life spiraling out of control. *It's the
middle of the night and I have to endure another lecture. Is this
nightmare ever going to end?* Nick stands at the top of the stairs
dejected and weary.

"Come on now," Laurie says, "Take my arm and let's get this done."

~*~

Sitting, one at each end of the couch, Nick waits for Laurie to
begin. "Tell me about your dream?" she asks finally.

"Are you going to apply some psycho babble to fix me?" Nick replies
sarcastically.

"I'm going to listen and talk to you. Do you find that
uncomfortable?"

"I'm sorry." Nick pulls his legs up and puts his head on his
knees. "I know you're trying to help, but this one demon I have to
fight alone."

Reaching across Laurie gently touches his arm, "No-one ever has to
face demons alone, unless they want to. I'm here. Tell me about your
dream."

Nick relents, and sitting with his head tilted sideways on the
couch, he slowly retells the events of the day Lucinda died. "I hear
her calling, her voice is right in my ear. I should be able to pick
her up. All I hear is `Nick, Nick' over and over." He puts his head
in his hands and dry sobs come from beneath them. His voice, a low
throb, trembles when he continues. "It's so plaintive it breaks my
heart. I can see her reaching for me and calling, but of course I
never get there, never." He sighs and falls silent, once more, lost
in the awful memories of that day.

"She never called you `Nick'." Laurie's voice cuts sharply into his
misery.

Anger flashes hot and furious through him. "Don't tell me what I
heard," Nick responds his voice a low hiss of fury. "I hear her
every night. I lie in bed and listen to her! Don't tell me what I
heard that day. It plays inside my head endlessly!"

"She never called you `Nick'. She called you `Mr. Fallin'. Think'
Nick, think. This is all in your mind. You have to try to remember
what you really saw and what you imagined." Laurie keeps her voice
low and soft, for fear of hurting Nick more than she has to. "Please
think. She never called you `Nick', never!"

Laurie's words stun him. He recalls Roberto speaking that very
afternoon and he remembers times when Lucinda had spoken to him. He
knows it's true but he hears Lucinda's voice even as he sits on the
couch in his own home He can hear her calling him.

"She called me `Nick'." Minutes pass as Nick is lost in
reverie. "Laurie, did she call me `Mr. Fallin' and I changed it?"

He heard Laurie stand, "I'm going to make some tea. Nick, I have the
police report and I want to read it to you. My friend gave it to me
in court today. We'll go over it together, and then we'll know what
happened. Are you all right with that? It's going to be quite
painful. I think I need this as much as you. I'm having a hard time
with nightmares as well."

Nick laughs ruefully. "Want to tell me about them?" He pulls the
cover round himself and curls up into a ball, forcing his mind to go
back to the house and Lucinda.

~*~

Wrapped in the blanket and sipping tea, Laurie has made Nick wait
for her to begin. He hears the papers rustling and is aware deep
down he doesn't want to re-live that day. Fear holds him in its grip
and he has to force himself to speak. "Why do you have these papers,
Laurie? Why would a cop give them to you?"

"He's my friend Nick. I asked him to get these for me. When we are
done with them I want them to be destroyed. Do you understand that?
Copies of the evidence and all of the forensics are here, but my
friend has written a report just for us. I think I'll read that one
and leave you the rest to read when you're better."

His throat constricted, Nick is just able to nod.

Taking silence as an affirmative, Laurie takes a deep breath
and. . .

Nick suddenly stops her before she can start. "You have copies of
*everything*? That can't be right. You shouldn't have that, Laurie,
where did he get this stuff?" Nick's curiosity is piqued by the
number of papers Laurie says is there.

"Let me read it, and then it will all be clearer, okay?" Laurie
clears her throat and, ignoring Nick, she starts.

The report begins "`Most of the background we have, we got from the
one survivor of the fire. He is in protective custody and we have a
line on the rest of this particular group.

" `For three months we have been trying to follow a chemist round
the city. He keeps getting away from us. He sets up in some house
and makes several batches of drugs and by the time we have wind of
him he has moved again. He has two body guards who check out the
houses before he even makes an appearance. Those were the two morons
in the house at the time of the explosion.

" `They use people like Julio as cover, just legitimate enough to
squirrel them into a good neighborhood and cover them. We had a tip
off that, Doc, the chemist, would be using that house and so we set
up surveillance across the street. When we saw the kids playing in
the yard, I made discreet inquiries and tipped you off. We thought
you could get the kids out before the chemist showed up. I hoped a
visit from Social Services wouldn't make them overly nervous. I was
worried about the kids anyway.

The two morons decided to try and make a batch of the drug
themselves. They had seen Doc work so they thought they could do it.
Julio objected and was tied up in the back bedroom and covered up.
It looked like he was sleeping. (Jury's still out on this but I
think when the tox reports come in they'll find he was drugged to
keep quiet.)

" `So things are now set for the final day. We saw you get out of
the car and go to the house." Laurie pauses.

Nick leaps to his feet banging his leg on the low coffee
table. "Wait, wait, the cops were watching the house and they let
two young kids get killed just to catch a bloody chemist!" Shaking
and stuttering with horror, trying to understand the thinking which
would put two children in such danger.

Gently, Laurie says, "Let's just get through the report."

"It doesn't read like a real report," growls Nick, his whole body
shaking and shivering once more.

"It's not a regulation report, I told you, and Mike is a friend who
wrote this out just for us. So we could understand what and why this
happened. Do you want me to go on?"

"Yes, go on." Nick curls up and pulls his knees to his chest and
prepares to hear about the worst day of his life.


" `Everything happened so quickly. The explosion ripped the inside
of the house apart and set fire to the living room. We ran out
toward the house. You were just coming round and screaming.'"

"Why were you screaming?" Nick asks in a whisper.

A silence follows and Nick waits. He becomes aware that the couch is
shaking and then realizes that Laurie is weeping silently. He slides
towards her and puts his arm round her thin shoulders. "What is it?"

"Nick, when I came round, you were sitting with Lucinda in your lap.
I thought your eyes had been cut with glass. Your eyes were so
bloody and you were crying. Bloody tears were running down your
face. It was the most frightening thing I have ever seen. Later in
hospital they told me you had a cut on your forehead and the blood
had run into your eyes and had mixed with the tears running down
your face."

The silence which follows un-nerves Nick, he is at a loss for the
comforting words he would like to say to make things better.

Laurie whispers, "I dream of you sitting there. It's terrifying."

"You should talk to some one about that," Nick says kindly, not even
thinking he is giving advice so often given to him. Advice he
ignores continually.

"I'm going to read on now," Laurie says, her voice quivering, but
regaining some composure. "Are you ready?"

"Yes, lets finish this."

" `We had to lift Fallin from the stoop, regardless of whether he
was injured or not. The house was in flames. Laurie, did you know
that that kid was stuck to him? He was holding her so tight that the
glass piece which pierced her heart was stuck in his hand from her
back and had cut through his suit in the front. I swear I've never
seen anything like it in my life.'"

Nick rubs the scar on the heel of his thumb, horrified at how
casually it had been revealed to him how it came to be. The
revulsion for the day weighs heavily on him. His whole
being screams for her to stop.*No more, I don't want to know any
more!*

"Nick, are you going to be able to listen to the rest of this?"
Laurie touches his foot through the blanket and is surprised to feel
how cold they are. "Do you want me to stop?"

His words try to choke him as he whispers, "Please go on, and let me
be free of this."

With a sigh she begins again. She feels as if she is torturing him.

"`An old man across the street had seen what had happened and
hurried out. When he saw Fallin's head he ran to his house and came
back and put two packets of frozen peas on your friends head and
covered his eyes with them. He said it would impede the swelling and
stop his eyes moving and irritating them more if there was glass in
them. He said the peas were small enough to mould into the shape of
his face, I didn't know any better, and so I left him.'"

"That's what they called `medical help at the scene.' Now there's a
guy I have to meet!" Nick is amused by the idea of peas saving his
sight. *I'm thinking I'll see again!* He is surprised that the
thought is even in his head. He sighs, wearier than he ever thought
possible. "Laurie, is the rest just a report of the fire and the
rescue of the other idiot who started the whole sorry mess?"

There is a rustling of paper and then Laurie tells him that it is.

"Please leave that for another time. Just tell me how Lucinda died."
Nick leans forward, his face a picture of pain and sorrow. "I just
want to understand why I let a little girl die in an explosion we
walked away from." He waits quietly for Laurie to find the part she
needs. He hears the papers being shuffled and his heart plays drums
in his ears. He fears the answers he seeks will drive him crazy. He
wants to shout to her to put the damn things away for good, but he
will not let this terror win. He must know the truth about Lucinda's
death.

"Here it is."

Then the silence deafens him.

"Laurie, read the part about Lucinda's death."

In a soft and quaking voice Laurie reads.

"`The fire, which started under the glass tubing, melted the rubber
hose which supplied the gas. They switched the gas off and thought
they could put out the fire. By that time the table was alight and
the glass was in danger of bursting. Directly above the fire there
was a glass tube. It measured thirteen inches in length. When it
over heated and fractured it split in two parts. Since it was at a
forty five degree angle it went up and down. The smallest part,
about two inches, went into the left eye of Finkle. It moved
straight on into his brain. He died instantly and had to be removed
from the house after the fire had been put out.'"

Again Laurie stops and Nick has to encourage her to
continue. "Please, Laurie tell me."

Rushing now, Laurie's words fall over each other in their desperate
attempt to get out and release her from the misery she is feeling.

"`Since the glass was at an angle, the largest piece was then pushed
in a downward direction. It entered the child's back and pierced her
lung, then her heart, and exited through her ribs. The piece left
protruding from her back had Fallin's blood on it and the piece at
the front had parts of his suit. She died in a blink. She was
running to meet him, died, and didn't even know it. A piece of glass
which had her blood on it was found embedded in the cell phone in
Fallin's right hand coat pocket. The pathologist stated that she had
her arms raised and was going towards him when the explosion took
place. The glass cut her under the arm on the right side, and then
entered his coat. He had his back to her when the blast happened.
From what you have told us and what we saw ourselves, he had just
enough time to save the boy when the explosion turned everything
into hell.'"

Tears run out from under the glasses as Nick comes to terms with the
knowledge of Lucinda's death. "I never had a chance, and she died
without even seeing it coming."

For a while they both sit, each wrapped in their own private misery,
each wondering what they could have done to prevent the events of
that day.

"Shall I take you upstairs now?" Laurie eventually asks.

"Are you staying down? I think I'll just sit for a while, I know I
won't settle." Nick pulls the blanket over his head and, closing his
eyes, he drifts into an uneasy slumber. He feels himself being drawn
back into the white place he had been in before. He finds himself in
a white corridor. It stretches without ending in front of him. *I'm
dreaming.* He tries to stir but the dream has him in its grip. He
turns to the first door and it has Kitchen in childish writing on
it. The next has Living Room, and the next Bedroom. Nick knows
instinctively where he is. This is THE house. `A room for
everything, and a room for Nick.' He starts to run down the corridor
trying to find his room. There! He can see it. Written on a card in
his own hand, `Nick's Room'. He pushes the door and enters a pure
white area with a window facing a garden. There is nothing in the
room but a pallet covered in a white throw. Feeling safe and warm,
he lies down and sinks into a deep sleep. He wakes to hear the sound
of laughter. Rising from the pallet, he goes to the window and
looking out he sees his mother. He calls to her but she does not
seem to hear him. She moves aside and Nick sees Leslie Walker with
Lucinda playing in the beautiful garden. Leslie looks at the window
and waves. Everything starts to fade and Nick cries out for them to
return. He jerks awake to find Laurie weeping softly at the other
end of the couch.

"Laurie, are you all right?"

Laurie reaches out and pats his foot. "Just an old woman crying over
a soppy movie." She tells him. "Let me get the TV and the lights put
off, then I'll take you upstairs. Stand there for a moment."

When she comes back Nick has already folded the blanket and has put
the cushions back in place as best he can. An idea nips at her but
she ignores it and wearily gives him her arm.

"What time is it?" he asks.

"Just after three, time we were in bed. Try to sleep late tomorrow,
Nick. You need the rest."

Half-way up the stairs Laurie suddenly is pulled sharply into Nick.
It makes him grab for the hand rail.

"You're standing on my house-coat Nick, move your foot."

Nick stands in complete silence, then, with a frown he asks, "You're
in your night clothes? You told me to get dressed. Why?"

"Because you're blind, and I'm not."

"This is my house. You should have dressed as well!"

Laurie laughs at Nick's resentful tone. "You are definitely getting
better." He takes her arm and they continue up the steps. "Nick, I
noticed some drops for your eyes and eye wash in your bathroom. Do
you manage that yourself or do you need help to get it done?"

"Dad has been doing it. I didn't like to ask, sorry."

"We'll get it done before you settle down for the night. Is that all
right?"

~*~

"You lit an incense stick. Thanks. I'm sorry about tonight, Laurie,"
Nick mumbles as Laurie pries off the pads which cover his eyes
during the night hours.

"Whatever happened over the last couple of days was for our benefit,
Nick. I came because I had things to work through myself." Laurie
turns to switch off the bathroom light. "I know you hurt easily, but
you're resilient. You will always bounce back. Ask me why?"

"Okay then, why."

"Because you think things through to the bitter end. You may not
like what your conclusions are but, you will act on them. This will
be your saving grace. This is why I know you will see again. You
can't ignore the truth, you just can't." She turns on the hand held
ultra violet light which will allow her to take off the coverings on
Nick's eyes.

Nick is about to answer her when she erupts into a gale of
laughter. "What is it? Laurie, what is it?"

"Oh, Nick, you're beautiful. The blanket has left little bits of
lint all over your head. It's on your eyelashes and even your ears."
She waves the light round catching the small pieces of lint with it
and making them luminescent in the purple glow. "It's all over your
body and you look like you've been out in a snowstorm. I wish I
could take a photograph of this, it's so pretty."

"Can we get this done?" Nick pretends to be grumpy, but it washes
over Laurie and he can feel her wave the light over his
face. "Laurie, I… I need to thank you…"

"Get back to work Mr. Fallin, get back to work. That's all the
thanks I want." Putting the pads back on Nick's eyes after cleaning
his eyes, she puts the ultra violet light off. "You're done, now
let's get some sleep."

"Laurie, you didn't put the bathroom light back on."

"You're bli…" She stops and turning flicks the switch. "There, it's
on now. Good night, Nick. Sleep well" She stops in the middle of the
room and looks round her. His bed has been remade and there is
nothing out of place. *After the night we have just had and he
cleans the room before he comes down!* The thought that had niggled
earlier surfaces again. *It can't be that simple. Well, tomorrow
morning I'm going to put that to the test.* She quietly closes his
bedroom door.

~*~

"Come here." Laurie takes his arm and guides him to the breakfast
room. She sits him at the table and he slouches down into the chair.

"I'm not hungry!" he says vehemently.

"Sit up at the table, Nick!"

The tone of Laurie's voice had made him immediately sit straight.
Nick covers his mouth with his hand to hide the smile.

"Now I'm going to show you how to find things on the table. Then I'm
going to make you an omelet for breakfast and while I have my coffee
in the living room, you're going to eat." She takes Nick's arms and
places them at right angles on the edge of the table. "Don't resist
me, Nick; just put your arms where I tell you. You have no depth
perception. That is why you can't find your own mouth. That is what
is wrong isn't it, you spill things?" Laurie moves his hand slowly
to show him where each item is. She places a napkin on his lap and
then asks him, "Plain or with ham?"

"What?" Nick is embarrassed and uncomfortable.

"Your omelet, how do you want it, plain or with ham?"

Seeing there is no way out, Nick mutters, "With ham."

Laurie places his breakfast on the table. "Everything is where I
said it would be. Use both hands to gauge the distance with your
coffee and you'll do fine. Enjoy."

Nick hears her leave the room and closes the door. He knows he can
get up and feel his way to the garbage disposal unit and not eat,
but he owes Laurie. Tentatively he rests his elbows where Laurie had
told him and reaches for his coffee. *Got it, and not a drop
spilled*. Flushed with success Nick slowly finds the cutlery and
starts to eat.

"Laurie, Laurie I'm done!" Nick is standing in the middle of the
kitchen by the time she gets to him. He is looking pleased and his
plate is empty. "That will go down in my life as the best meal I've
ever had. You really are something else." They turn at the sound of
the front door opening. Going out into the hall, they meet Burton
coming in with his luggage.

Burton stops in his tracks. He has no idea what has happened, but
his boy looks well and happy, and for the first time in three months
Nick is smiling. "Son," he says jovially as he wraps his arms round
him, "you look better."

"I'm going up to pack now, boys. I'll leave you two to talk. There's
coffee in the kitchen, Burton. Nick will pour you some."

"I'll never be able to thank her enough," Nick tells his father as
Laurie walks up the stairs. "But I have an idea. Come into the
living room with me, Dad, I need you to do something for me."
 
 
--+--
 
 
In The Blink of an Eye #6


Four weeks have passed since she stayed with Nick, and Laurie is
hearing good things. His sight had quickly started to come back and
the doctors had again expressed their wish that he see a
psychiatrist. He had politely declined, telling them he had had his
own healer working on him and felt the worst was over. She had felt
a rush of pride when she heard this. Soon after, she too had gone
back to work feeling that her days with Nick has acted as a
catharsis and she was now able to cope with the stress and strains
of her vocation.

~*~

Laurie has been caught out. The upper deck of the Fort Pitt Bridge
has been closed for reconstruction and she had forgotten. The long
line of others who has made the same mistake has made her late. She
storms into her office to find her co-workers in a huddle.

"What?" she asks rudely when she realizes they are waiting for her
to say something.

"He's back."

"Who's back?" Laurie asks, but she knows and is secretly very proud
he has made it.

"Mr. Nicholas Fallin. He was here. He went into your office." Her co-
workers wait in silence.

"Oh what now!" Laurie bangs opens the office door and is overcome by
the sight of the beautiful basket of roses sitting on her desk. She
takes the card from the centre. "Well, the ever effusive Mr.
Fallin." The card reads `Thanks Nick'. She picks up the square
package and feels it. CD's? Opening it, she finds the movie she was
watching at Nick's house: `Random Harvest' with Ronald Coleman and
Greer Garson. *How on earth did he find that out? He only woke at
the end when I was crying.* The other disc is another of Laurie's
favorites starring Ronald Coleman: `Lost Horizons'. Laurie feels
herself filling with tears and she quickly pulls herself together.
*What a kind man he is.*

"Come on now," Laurie chides her co-workers, "get back to work. We
have a busy day ahead and already I'm running behind." A sudden
thought hits Laurie and she wonders if she should contact Lulu at
LSP. *No, you worry too much. Why should you assume he will get the
Bryon case? Just because it is the one which is causing the most
concern?* her whole being yells at her to phone LSP. *He's going to
get it!* Pushing her concerns aside, Laurie continues with her day.

~*~

Laurie is standing talking to a friend in the corridor of Family
Court when she slowly becomes aware of someone in her peripheral
vision. The person's stillness has caught her attention. In a space
where everyone is on the move he is visible by his very stance. She
turns slightly and looks from the corner of her eye at Nick. The sun
is filtering through the window, shining directly on his head of
strawberry blond hair, catching and pulling at the curls which
threaten to come loose from the perfect grooming. He stands with his
feet apart and his briefcase between them. His arms are folded
across his chest, one hand up and fingering his bottom lip. Like a
big black cat, waiting to pounce he waits in perfect stillness, in
harmony with his background. The rest of the world is giving way and
moving round him.

She moves over and stops in front of him. Before she can speak, he
bends his face down until he is level with her eyes. Moving one
finger up from his lip he pulls down his dark glasses. Laurie finds
herself falling into the depths of his beautiful blue green eyes.
Nick stares deep and whispers, "I see you my friend." His eyes
crinkle at the corners as he starts to smile. "I made it because you
were there for me. I won't forget that, ever."

"Nick, I'm glad you're back." Privately very pleased with his words,
she is still embarrassed. His `friend' statement had rattled her so
much she decided to change the subject. "How did you know which
movie I was watching?"

"I got Dad to look up the TV review while you were upstairs. I asked
you the time, remember? So I knew when it ended. I did get the right
ones?"

"I'll watch these time and time again. You're very kind, thank you."

Nick leans in and brushes her cheek with his soft lips. "Thank you
Laurie." With a swift movement, he bends, picks up his briefcase and
starts to move away. "Oh, Laurie the Byron case." He glances over
his shoulder to make sure he has her attention. "Did you let him
dance for you? The answer was in there."


*Damn, he caught the case. Now what did he mean by dance?* There is
nothing in her mind that links a dance.* "Dance? Nick what on earth
are you tlking about. This is all settled don't do anything to upset
the apple cart." Laurie watches as he turns the corner and goes out
of sight.*Oh, his mind makes me crazy sometimes.* with a frustrated
sigh she goes back to work. Tomorrow she will meet him in court and
then all will be made clear. *I'll have to find out about the dance.
Maybe one of the others will remember something about it. I can't
let him waltz in and undo the work again. This is getting all
together too much.* she thinks crossly.

~*~

Judge Damsen raises her eyes from the papers she has been
studying. "Good morning MS Solt, what do we have today?"

"David Byron, age five. David's mother died two weeks ago. He asked
for his uncle and we have made extensive searches for him. I'm
afraid the child is confused. We can not find him where he says he
should be. Your honor we tried everything." *But not the dance. Damn
what is the bloody dance! Nick's going to do it again. Look at him,
sitting as if everything revolves around him. Friend! He's about to
dump the world on me, I can feel it.* Laurie's mind races along as
she speaks the practiced words. "Social Services recommend that
David be placed in Allegheny Children's Shelter until a suitable
foster home can be found."

"Mr. Fallin, good to see you."

"Good to see you too Judge Damsen."

"Why is it I feel you are about to rock the boat, Mr. Fallin?"

"I'm sorry Your Honor, David is only five and he is not capable of
lengthy explanation. When he said his uncle was in Norfolk and
Washington he wasn't wrong, just a bit confused. I have found out,
by luck more than anything else, that David's uncle is a sailor. The
ship he serves on is the USS George Washington and it is based in
Norfolk, Virginia. I have been in touch with the naval authorities
and they have in turn been in touch with…"

The court room door bursts open and a woman and three children come
streaming into the court. "Your Honor, please don't send David to a
home! We got here as quickly as we could. I'm David's aunt. We want
to take him home." The woman looks harassed and hot as she tries to
settle her children down and hold on to David who has run to be
wrapped in her arms.

"Quiet, please. Mr. Fallin, Ms. Solt, sort this out. Be back here at
four o'clock. Get it right this time folks. Mr. Fallin, chaos
follows you sometimes. You should try to work on that."

"Yes, Your Honor, I will." A huge smile covers Nicks face and he
keeps his head down to hide it.

~*~

"Nick, how could you? It's really too much!" Laurie is
indignant, "And what has it to do with a dance* I have asked and
nobody knows *anything* about a dance."

Smiling from ear to ear Nick explains it to her. "When I went to see
David he was dancing. I knew the dance because my mother taught the
dance and the song to me one snowy afternoon. Damn, Laurie I think I
could still do it for you." He starts to whistle `What Will We Do
With The Drunken Sailor'. It's a sailor's hornpipe. Get it? Then
couple it with Norfolk and Washington?"

Laurie is amazed and, shaking her head in wonderment she
says, "Nick, I used to think of your thought processes as a long and
narrow road, straight and true. Your thinking was pure and clinical.
Now I see I was wrong. Every so often there are side roads that are
corkscrewed. How could you possibly link a dance to a ship based in
Virginia?"

"Come on, Laurie, you know if you saw it you would have made the
jump, I just saw it first." Nick is slightly abashed at the
embarrassment he has caused his healer and friend.

"Then why didn't you tell me and save the scene in the court?"
Laurie knows the answer but asks anyway, to see if Nick will be
truthful.

"I like to be the winner. I'm sorry, you give me all these beautiful
attributes, but the truth is I like to win." Nick hangs his head as
he utters these words. He is ashamed now by his actions.

"That's good, Nick. I like that you need to win. You will always
want what is best for each and every child who passes through your
hands. I'm not upset you won, you were right and I missed the boat
so to speak." She laughs and, putting her hand in his she quietly
says, "Don't give this up when your hours are done, Nick. You're way
too good at it. Now hush and hear me out," she shushes him as he is
about to talk. "I know you are a hot shot corporate lawyer but this
is something you do by instinct. No-one ever had to teach you how to
be a Guardian, you just are. Everything that has happened in your
life has made you what you are to-day. Everything good and bad has
molded you into the person you are. Please think when the time
comes. There are a lot of children in this town who need a strong
advocate. I believe you can rise to that every time. You are a good
man, Nicholas Fallin, a good man." She reaches out her hand and
gives her friend a motherly pat on the shoulder.

The End