Bittersweet AUTHOR: Shirley EMAIL: sgoates2607@charter.net RATING: NC-17 (sexual content) CONTEXT: This story can be enjoyed as a stand alone; however, some characters and referenced events have appeared in one or more installments of my 6 part mini-series. It also incorporates some events which occurred in “The Beginning” episode. The Lulu/Brian relationship is treated differently in this story than it was treated in the 6 Part mini-series. I have used a “flashback” format for this story. DISCLAIMER: Some characters have been shamelessly borrowed from “The Guardian” and others are totally the figment of my runaway imagination. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. Actual names of some Pittsburgh establishments may have been used. For those of you who are familiar with the actual places which may have been mentioned herein, I apologize profusely if I have mischaracterized them. To those of you in the medical profession, I apologize if I am way off the mark in describing injuries, procedures, or other related medical references in this story. This is entirely a work of fiction. This particular story reveals a different side of Nick Fallin; a side which will most likely never appear in The Guardian-TV Drama, even remotely. ~~~~~~~ It had been six months since the wedding. This was the first time Burton had been able to get his son out to dinner. Oh, they had occasional lunches together but they were always hurried. Burton had finally persisted until Nick had agreed to a nice long, quiet dinner at LeMont’s. Burton had called ahead to make sure Emil prepared something very special. “Good evening, Mr. Fallin,” Mike said, holding the car door open for Burton. “Eating alone tonight, sir?” Mr. Fallin rarely dined alone. On many occasions, Mike had seen Mr. Fallin with very good-looking women. For his age, he was quite the ladies’ man. “No. As a matter of fact, Mike, Nicholas is meeting me here tonight,” he smiled, pocketing the valet claim check. He patted Mike on the shoulder and walked through the entrance of LeMont’s, his favorite restaurant. He checked his overcoat and spoke to an acquaintance, who was just leaving. “How are you, Ed? And June, you’re looking as pretty as ever,” Burton said, shaking hands with Ed. Ed Evans was the CEO of Evans Publications. Ed’s company had been a client of Fallin & Associates for 25 years. He had been one of the loyal clients who had weathered the storm of last year; the fiasco with Caldwell. “We’re doing well,” he said with a big grin. “Burton, I’ll probably be calling you in a couple of weeks to handle the paperwork on a little purchase I’ve got in the works.” “Well, we can surely do that for you. Just give me a call. Nice to see you both,” he said as the Evanses made their exit. “Mr. Fallin, we have your table ready for you,” the matre d’ said, signaling for a waiter. Speaking to the waiter, he said, “Andre, take Mr. Fallin to Table 12.” Turning back to Burton he said, “Your favorite table, Mr. Fallin.” “Thank you, Charles. I can always count on you. Will you show Nick to the table when he gets here?” “Certainly,” he said. Burton followed Andre to a quiet table near a large window overlooking the rivers and city skyline. Once Burton was seated he ordered a double Maker’s Mark on the rocks and was looking over the menu when Nick arrived. “Hi, Dad,” Nick said, with a big smile, sitting across from his father. Burton consulted his watch and looked at his son. “Well, son, you sure have gotten better with your punctuality.” Burton grinned widely. “I guess you could say that. I’ve gotten better about a lot of things,” he said, casting a crooked grin his father’s way. “What you drinking, son?” he asked as he raised his hand to get Andre’s attention. “Oh, I’ll just have a soda water with lime.” Nick picked up the menu and started looking it over. Andre took Nick’s drink order. Burton said, “Nicholas, I hope you don’t mind. I took the liberty of asking Emil to prepare your favorite; prime rib with all the trimmings.” “That’s exactly what I was thinking about. Thanks. That’s what I’ll have.” When Andre returned with Nick’s drink, he took their dinner order. Burton said, “Andre, we’re not in any big hurry so you can hold up that order for a bit.” Burton looked at Nick for confirmation. Nick nodded. “I’m glad you agreed to have dinner tonight, Nicholas. It’s so good to see things working out for you.” He thought he could pinpoint the time when things started to turn around for Nick. Burton had been in his office, when Jamie came floating in without an appointment. ~~~//~~~ Sheila rang, “Mr. Fallin, there is a Ms. Jamie Collins here to see you. She doesn’t have an appointment.” Sheila listened. “Sure, Mr. Fallin.” She returned the phone to its cradle. “Ms. Collins, you may go in.” Burton met her half way across the room and, taking her hands, he said, “Look at you. Just as beautiful as I remembered.” They kissed on the cheek. Jamie was dressed in a classic linen suit with a pearl choker. Her bag and pumps matched perfectly. “Come. Come. Sit down,” he led her to a chair. “What purpose brings you to my office, other than to brighten my day?” He chuckled, leaning back against the edge of his desk. “I need your help.” She looked at him seriously. “Okay.” Burton said; brow furrowed. “It’s Nick.” “Oh?” He raised his eyebrows. “You know Nick and I worked on the insider trading case. Ever since then, I can’t get him to slow down enough to relax and I’m worried that he’s working too hard. So, I asked my father if I could take the yacht for the weekend. I want you to persuade Nick to come with me; a long weekend away from everything, sailing the Ohio.” “Well, you know, Jamie, Nick’s pretty much in charge around here now. I try not to dictate to him.” Burton was remembering how his son had rebounded from the disaster with the stripper and the mess with Caldwell. Nick had cleverly managed to get the firm back into Fallin hands. After Burton had decided to step down from the Federal Judge appointment, Nick had asked him to come back to the firm as a senior partner. He had agreed only if Nick would act as the managing partner. So they had agreed to essentially switch roles. Burton had not been sorry. He was enjoying less pressure and Nick was doing a commendable job. Burton had also been a little concerned that Nick seemed to be working all the time. It would only be a matter of time before the rigors of that kind of schedule took its toll. Jamie was looking at him, pleadingly. “One weekend can’t hurt.” she said reaching out to squeeze his hand. “We both love Nick and he needs our help.” He was surprised to hear Jamie say those words. So far as Burton knew, Nick wasn’t seeing anyone regularly. It was almost like he threw himself into work to avoid having a personal life. “Okay. I’ll do what I can. But I’m not making any promises.” He pointed his finger at Jamie. “You know how stubborn he can be sometimes.” She flashed him a big smile, then jumped out of the chair and kissed him affectionately on the cheek. He blushed and nervously cleared his throat. “Well, it’s Wednesday, so it doesn’t give me much time.” “I’d better run, then, so you can get started.” She turned to leave. At the door she turned and said, “Thanks.” ~~~//~~~ Burton remembered it had been a hard sell to convince Nick he needed the time off. He had finally told him angrily that he wasn’t asking him he was “telling” him. Nick apparently didn’t want to cause a rift so he had reluctantly agreed. “I don’t mind having dinner with you, Dad. It’s just that I’m so busy trying to get the firm back on an even keel. And I try to spend as much free time as I can with Jamie.” Burton noticed how Nick’s eyes lit up when he mentioned Jamie’s name. “How is Jamie?” “She’s doing well. I really didn’t want her to go out of town this week, but she’s a consummate professional and insisted I treat her like one, at least during business hours,” he grinned and winked. “She testifying before Congress on that insider trading deal?” “Yeah. Hard to believe that thing is still going on after a year. It should only be another few days. She’s due back Wednesday, late afternoon. You know, this is the place where I proposed to Jamie; at this very table.” Nick recalled the moment he realized that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Jamie. His dad had ordered him to take time off and go with Jamie on her father’s yacht. ~~~//~~~ “You wanted to see me, Dad?” Nick entered his father’s office. He had insisted his father retain his old office even though he was no longer the managing partner. It just wouldn’t have seemed right, anyone else having that office. Nick had moved his own office to a larger corner office on the main floor. Burton was looking out the window when Nick entered. He turned to acknowledge Nick and told him to sit down which he did, obediently. No matter how Nick struggled to get out from under his father’s controlling influence, there were always moments like this when he felt compelled to do exactly as his father ordered. “What is it, Dad?” “It’s been almost four months now since you took over the firm. Things seem to be going along smoothly. Jake has become a good right hand man for you.” Burton turned from the window to face his son. “I think it’s time you take a break,” he said, matter-of-factly. Nick sat up straight and looked his father directly in the eye. He could tell his father was serious. “I think I can be the judge of that.” Nick spoke softly, trying to temper the remark. Burton realized it was now a test of wills. He finally said, “Nicholas, I’m not asking; I’m telling you it’s time to take a break.” He pursed his lips. He was not prepared to take no for an answer. Nick looked piercingly at his father. After a moment, he realized his father would win this battle. “All right. Okay. What are you thinking about?” Nick couldn’t believe he had just knuckled under. He shook his head and half-grinned. “Funny you should ask,” Burton grinned. “I just happened to run into Jamie the other day and she told me she’s taking Carlton’s yacht out this weekend. She asked me if I thought you had the time to go out with her.” Burton cast a sidelong glance at Nick. “Oh, now I see,” he smirked. “It’s a conspiracy.” Nick looked at his dad. He noticed a flicker of a smile appear on Burton’s face. “How bad could it be, spending a weekend with Jamie?” Burton smiled and winked. Nick couldn’t argue with that rationale. “Okay. I’ll call her,” he said finally, with a crooked grin. That weekend they had sailed the Ohio down to Wheeling and back; just the two of them along with the skipper and his mate, a cook and cabin boy. It was early July. On the water, the days were warm but the nights were unseasonably cool. During the day they would bask in the sun on deck as they floated past town after town. They made love in the afternoons then showered and enjoyed candlelit dinners on deck, as the sun was setting. And, after lights out, they would make love again. Nick had never made love on a boat before. The gentle wave action just enhanced their lovemaking. He imagined Heaven would be like this. He found himself wishing it would never end. Remembering now, he could see Jamie sitting in a deck chair, her eyes closed and the breeze gently blowing her long blonde hair. His heart skipped a beat. He could spend a lifetime with a girl like this. That’s when he had decided to wait for the right moment and pop the question. A few weeks later he had brought Jamie to this very restaurant and at this very table he had asked her to be his wife. ~~~//~~~ “I couldn’t be happier for you, Nick. And to think I’m finally going to be a grandpa.” Burton smiled a big grin. They hadn’t wasted much time, he thought to himself. He was glad about that. At his age, he didn’t know how much longer he had to enjoy grandchildren. Andre approached. “Can I get you another drink?” “Sure, you can get me another. Nick?” “No, Dad, I’m fine.” “So, it’s gonna be a boy. Looks like the firm will be in good hands for a long time,” Burton said, proudly. “Have you and Jamie decided on a name?” “Yes, as a matter of fact. Clay Burton Fallin.” He glanced at his father to see his reaction. Burton raised his eyebrows and said, “Oh, that’s nice, son.” He smiled to think his grandson would carry his name. “Clay. After Jamie’s paternal grandfather?” he asked. “Yeah. You met him at the wedding,” Nick reminded his dad. Burton remembered meeting Clay Collins. He was a frail old man but his mind was still very sharp. The wedding had been held at the Collins estate about 60 miles outside of Pittsburgh on September 14th; a fitting birthday present, Burton thought. The estate totaled some 2000 acres and the house was imposing with its 30 plus rooms. Jamie’s family had managed to pull off a huge wedding for 500 guests with only two months’ notice. Nick’s memory went back to mid-September. He remembered, the closer the date got the more afraid he became. Afraid he wouldn’t, couldn’t be the husband Jamie deserved. ~~~//~~~ Nick knocked on his father’s door and entered. “Dad, you got a minute?” Burton looked up from the law book he was studying and nodded to his son. “Sure. Have a seat.” Nick first walked to the window. He pushed back his suit jacket and put his hands on his hips. He then rubbed the back of his head with his right hand. Burton could tell he had something on his mind. “What is it, Nicholas?” Nick turned from the window and walked around to the chair. He settled in and finally asked, “Dad, did you have second thoughts before you married Mom?” Burton paused for a minute. “You know, son, I married your Mom when I was your age. It’s only natural to have second thoughts. You’ve been on your own for so long. Now, suddenly, you have someone threatening to invade your routine. In your case, Nick, that’s a good thing. You need someone to share your life with.” “I’m afraid I won’t be a good husband.” Nick said, with a worried look on his face. Burton was afraid Nick was making a veiled reference to his failed marriage to Anne. “You know, Nicholas, only God can predict the success of your marriage. All you can do is love her. I mean really love her. I feel sure, if you do that, she will love you in return and you will have a long and happy life together.” Two months’ planning was finally paying off. The grounds of the estate were scattered with huge white tents where the guests would dine on gourmet fare following the ceremony. The Collinses had one chef on staff but had arranged for three additional cooks to handle the crowd. Each tent contained four long banquet tables all done in a white motif. The huge floral arrangements, placed the length of each long table, were solid white save for two red roses in each, signifying the love shared by the bride and groom. Huge floor candelabras were stationed in the four corners of each tent. Since the celebration would extend into the evening, light poles had been erected around the tented area and strung with white lanterns. Several huge oak trees lined an avenue which was about 100 feet wide. This location had been chosen for the ceremony. The huge 200 year old oaks spread their bows over the wide avenue, creating a canopy under which the Bride would walk. Down the center of this pathway a 6 foot wide band of white satin was run the full 200 foot length between the two rows of trees; fastened to the ground with six inch nail spikes. White folding chairs were set up on each side for the 200 plus guests who would attend the actual wedding ceremony. Other guests would arrive for the reception, immediately following. At the end of the avenue, a large archway was set up and trimmed out in white flowers. Candelabras were stationed throughout the area. The wedding would be a twilight affair. In one large tent a dance floor was temporarily installed. A live band would play after dinner. Out of town guests had started arriving the day before. Jamie’s closest relatives stayed at the mansion. Burton arranged for hotel lodging in Pittsburgh for the Fallins. Nick had asked his father to be his Best Man. Proudly Burton had accepted. Jake and Alvin had agreed to stand up as Groomsmen for Nick. Nick wore a black cutaway coat with dark grey and black striped trousers, a dark grey waistcoat, white winged collar shirt and striped Ascot tie. Burton, Carlton Collins, and the Groomsmen dressed in a grey cutaway with grey striped trousers, black waistcoat, a white winged collar shirt and striped Ascot tie. They had been lucky to find a shop that could provide the necessary formal wear on such short notice. Jamie had decided to limit her bridesmaids to three. Her Maid of Honor was Jennie, a long time family friend. The others were Annette and Jackie, two of her cousins. Jamie was an only child. She had decided on black and white for her bridesmaid dresses. The dresses were made of satin; the bodice, a strapless black satin and the skirt, an A-line white satin with tiny black satin roses scattered randomly. The bride carried an all white bouquet, save for two large red roses. The bridesmaids carried red and white bouquets. Jamie’s wedding dress was made by Vera Wang. Gladys had called her long time friend and asked if she could please help out with the dress on such short notice. And, of course, Vera had delivered. Mrs. Collins had enlisted the services of an exclusive dress shop in New York for the bridesmaid gowns. It was obvious that Gladys Collins was very good at organizing. She seemed to have everything under control. Jamie had had to accompanying her to New York on the dress buying trip and had spent a couple of weekends with her mother working on the details. But, it had all seemed easy from Nick’s vantage point. On the day of the event, the day dawned with a glorious sunrise. The temperature had hovered between 70-75 degrees most of the day with not a cloud in the sky. It was as though God was blessing this union, providing such a beautiful day. Nick had decided to stay away from the estate until about two hours before the ceremony. He was still trying to get his nerves in check. Burton had been a stalwart during this whole thing, keeping him focused and making sure he had everything he needed. It had forced Nick to spend time with his father; time he had really enjoyed. His dad had promised Jamie to deliver her man on time and in good shape and for that reason his dad insisted on driving. Everything was ready. Nick was dressed, looking as handsome as ever. Jake and Alvin both had wished him well. It was twenty minutes now. Burton walked up to him and put his right hand on Nick’s shoulder. Nick looked into his father’s eyes. “Son, I want you to know that I am so darned proud of you. You have made a wise choice and I know you will be very happy. I love you, son.” He pulled Nick to him and hugged him. Nick put his arms around his dad. They remained like this for a couple of minutes. Alvin and Jake were standing across the room and witnessed this show of affection. Alvin thought to himself, ‘Nick has sure come a long way’. When his father released him, Nick turned away from the others and rubbed his eyes. “Well, son, it’s time to go. We don’t want to be late,” he laughed, a reference to Nick’s penchant for being tardy. While Nick waited for the ceremony to start, he scanned the audience. He recognized several family members he had met at Aunt Liz’s funeral, a little over a year ago now. He suddenly spotted Lulu, sitting with Brian. Nick couldn’t explain it. He still felt something for Lulu. But it didn’t hurt like it used to. He sometimes wondered how it would have been with her. She caught his eye and smiled. He smiled back. A single violinist was playing pieces which Jamie had selected. Nick still didn’t “get” classical music but it was appropriate for the day. Burton and Nick had taken their places at the altar. Nick took several deep breaths. Just as the sun was setting, the processional started. First came the Groomsmen; then the Bridesmaids. The violinist then changed to “Here Comes the Bride” and that is when Nick caught a glimpse of his Bride-to-be for the first time. Her father escorted her down the aisle. She was a vision in white. At the altar, her father raised her veil and kissed her on the cheek. Offering his daughter in marriage, he took his seat. The rest of the ceremony remained a blur in Nick’s memory. He had been so captivated by his bride he had had trouble staying focused. Later Jamie had told him that he had done fine. There were so many guests; it was hard to spend much time with any one of them. Nick did manage to find Lulu and Brian but they only talked for a moment. He was sure if he hadn’t been operating on sheer adrenalin he would have collapsed but Jamie didn’t seem tired at all. They danced into the night. Finally guests began to leave. They would spend their wedding night in the mansion. The house was big enough that they would have the place pretty much to themselves. It had all come off without a hitch; a tribute to Gladys Collins. Burton had done his part, too; keeping the Groom focused and on track. ~~~//~~~ “Jamie’s grandfather is about ninety. You know he founded Collins Construction and together with Carlton, Jamie’s dad, they built it into an international conglomerate.” “An interesting man,” Burton said. “Are you ready to eat son?” “As a matter of fact…..” Nick said. Burton signaled to Andre that he could place their dinner order now. In less than 20 minutes they were served. Nick noticed his prime rib was cooked to perfection. They spoke very little during the meal. Their conversation eventually turned to business and Burton decided it was time to go home. ~~~//~~~ Nick was going through the file cabinets at Legal Services when Lulu came up behind him. Startled, he spun around. “Oh, I didn’t mean to scare you, Nick,” she said. “You didn’t really scare me. I just didn’t know there was anyone behind me, that’s all. You need something?” Nick found it hard to talk with Lulu. She didn’t seem very happy in her marriage to Brian. And, Nick had to admit, he still bore some resentment for the way she had brushed him aside for the less than stellar whore-mongering Brian. Why did that still make his blood boil? “I was wondering if you could sit in on an interview with me, say around 3:30?” She flashed those big brown eyes at him. He had to turn away. “I’m sorry, Lulu. I’m picking my wife up at the airport around 4:00.” Lulu’s face became serious. The mention of his wife had jarred her back to the moment. She was still having trouble with Nick being married. She decided that she had only imagined he had had feelings for her. Otherwise, why would he have married so soon? “Oh, of course. I can probably get through it.” Lulu said, but she was disappointed. “How is Jamie, anyway?” “She’s doing fine. Thanks for asking.” They stood looking at each other. Nick finally averted his eyes. “The baby’s due when?” Lulu really didn’t want to be here talking about this. It made her heartsick to think that the man she really loved was married to another. And she, Lulu, was struggling to make her marriage work. There was no passion in her life. It was a work-a-day type marriage. She found she was sleep-walking through her life, most of the time. Brian apparently wasn’t any happier. He spent a lot of time out with his friends, drinking, after working long hours at the hospital. When he’d get home, he wasn’t in any condition or mood to make love. And now, Nick and Jamie would have a son soon. Lulu longed for a baby. “Sometime in early June. What about you and Brian?” Nick was just making idle conversation. The thought of Brian being intimate with Lulu, well, that still bothered him. “We’re both too devoted to our work,” she said off-handedly and turned to walk away. Nick felt sorry for Lulu. She still didn’t know what she wanted or wouldn’t admit it. He finally turned back to the file cabinet and managed to locate the file he was looking for. He dashed to the courthouse just in time to handle a custody hearing. He had time for lunch, a closing back at Fallin & Associates at 2:30 and then on to the airport. He had found it very lonely going home to an empty house. He was looking forward to Jamie’s return. He had insisted she sell her condo and move in with him until they had time to scout out a larger house. He wanted to feel like the breadwinner. They each had about the same income but, of course, Jamie had a huge Trust Fund she could tap whenever she needed to. The wealth effect had been intimidating to Nick so Jamie had finally let him have his way about the living arrangements. She had stored most of her furniture and was making use of the guest closet as well as half the master bedroom closet for her clothes. Just before the 2:30 closing Nick answered his cell phone. “Hello.” “Nick, darling. I wanted to let you know I wouldn’t be home at 4:00.” It was Jamie. “What’s wrong?” The icy fingers of fear gripped his insides. “Oh, don’t worry, love. It’s just this darned ole weather here. It’s awful. So many flights are being cancelled and re-scheduled. Right now I’m on stand-by for the 9:30 flight but that could change, too. They won’t guarantee anything. The storm seems to be lingering just off the coast.” “I’m not comfortable with your flying in weather like that. Why don’t you just stay over another day and come home when the weather has cleared?” Nick hated to spend another night alone but he didn’t want to worry about his wife and child taking any chances. “But, I miss you. You miss me?” Jake knocked on Nick’s office door and poked his head in. “Oh, sorry. Didn’t know you were on the phone. Mr. Jackson is here for the closing.” With the cell phone still to his ear, Nick said, “Fine, Jake. I’ll be there in a minute.” Jake turned and left, closing the door behind him. “Sorry, darling. I’ve caught you at a bad time,” Jamie said into the phone. “Go to your meeting. I promise I won’t take any chances. If the weather clears, though, I’m coming home. I’ll call you from the airport when I get in but I’ll just take a cab. There’s no sense in your sitting at the airport all night. Nick, darling, I love you. I can hardly wait to get home to make it all up to you; all these days we’ve missed together.” “I love you, too, Jamie. More than you know.” The phone went dead. He wouldn’t rest easy until she was home. He gathered the file and headed to the conference room. After the meeting, which took about 50 minutes, Nick decided to call Lulu to see if she still needed him to sit in on the interview. He would be late but maybe they could postpone it for a few minutes. In his office, he picked up the phone and dialed. “Lulu. Nick, here. Do you still need me to sit in on that interview?” “Do you have time?” “Looks like it. Jamie’s flight has been delayed.” “Where are you now?” “At Fallin & Associates. I just finished a closing. I would be a few minutes late.” “Okay, if you don’t mind. I can delay it until you get here.” Nick arrived about 3:40. He sat in on the interview but didn’t have much to offer. Lulu had handled it well. The client left and Nick followed Lulu into her office. He closed the door behind him. “Thanks, Nick. I really appreciate it.” She sat down behind the desk. “Lulu, I think you can handle that kind of interview now on your own.” Nick had walked to the window and was looking out at the angry gray sky. It would be getting dark sooner tonight because of the overcast skies. It was mid-February. The clouds looked like snow to him. The temperature had been dropping all day long. “Right.” Lulu knew it was time for her to stand on her own two feet. If Nick ever found out she was using this as an excuse to spend time with him, he would really be angry. “Brian working late tonight?” Nick asked. He didn’t relish eating alone or going home to an empty house. “Yeah, he’s working a double shift at the emergency room. They give him about two hours to sleep between shifts. He won’t be home until 7:00 am. It’s grueling.” She was wondering why he had asked about Brian’s schedule. “I don’t much want to eat alone. The earliest flight Jamie can get is 9:30 tonight. Would you want to get a bite to eat?” He had turned towards her to await her response. “Sure. Are you thinking about The Incline?” Lulu hated eating alone. Most of the time, when Brian worked these weird late shifts, she didn’t eat at all. “Yes. We can just walk over there. What do you think? About 5:00?” “That sounds good. Let me finish up my notes on that interview and I should be ready about then.” Nick started back to the conference room. He could spend the time making a few phone calls. As he passed by Alvin’s office, Alvin called to him. “Hey, Nick. You got a second?” “Sure.” He entered Alvin’s office and sat down. “I don’t have anything new for you, Nick. Just wanted to ask how you were liking married life?” He grinned. Alvin still found it hard to believe that Nick was married and soon to be a dad. “I like it fine.” “Jamie seems like such a swell girl.” “She is that.” Nick answered. “Well, I’m happy for you, Nick.” “Thanks,” Nick said, sincerely. Everyone had been so surprised when he married. That just proved they didn’t really know him. Lulu stuck her head in Alvin’s office. “You ready?” It was only 4:30. Nick looked at Alvin and noticed a quizzical look on his face. “We’re going to The Incline for a bite to eat. You want to join us?” Nick asked. He then added, “Jamie’s got a late flight in tonight.” Lulu added, “And Brian’s working a double shift in the emergency room.” “Thanks, but I already have plans. An old buddy of mine is in town,” Alvin lied. Whatever was going on with these two, he didn’t want to know. He checked his watch and noting the time at 4:30 said, “You two can go on. The weather looks like it’s turning off bad. I don’t expect we’ll get any calls between now and 5:00.” ~~~//~~~ Nick and Lulu walked the half block to The Incline. The temperature was now below 30 and it was beginning to snow. Nick turned his overcoat collar up to shield against the cold wind. Lulu buttoned up her carcoat. They didn’t speak along the way. Business at The Incline was slow tonight. Obviously the weather was having an affect. The streets would be icing over before long and Lulu didn’t need to be out late. Nick made a mental note to watch the time and make sure she left before the streets got cold enough for the snow to stick. Right now the flakes were falling but they were melting on impact with the streets, still warm from the 50 degree daytime temperature. After they ordered, Lulu started the conversation. “Nick. How’s marriage working out for you?” Nick couldn’t count the times people asked him that question. “Better than I imagined. How about you?” This conversation could go both ways. Lulu hesitated for a moment and then said, “Probably the worst part is our work schedules. We don’t get to see that much of each other.” Nick was sitting back in the booth and trying to evaluate her answer. “Are you happy, Lulu?” He figured she would try to avoid answering that question. “Not really.” She said honestly, glancing up at Nick, who was scowling slightly. “Marriage isn’t anything like I dreamed it would be, when I was a little girl.” She laughed weakly. “I’m sorry, Lulu.” Nick was sincere. He had tried in subtle ways to convince Lulu that Brian was wrong for her, but she had not picked up the hints. “Have you talked to Brian about it?” She scoffed, “Brian doesn’t want to talk about it. He doesn’t think there’s anything wrong. He’s happy with the way things are. So, I guess, as they say, I’ve made my bed and…. Well, you know how it goes.” The waitress brought their food. Nick was thankful for the diversion. He had actually found out more than he wanted to know about Brian and Lulu’s marriage. It was just something she was going to have to work out. During dinner they talked about some of the cases they were working together and a little about the weather. After dinner, over coffee, Lulu asked Nick, “Are you excited about the baby?” It was a struggle for her to even say those words. “I won’t lie. At first I had mixed feelings. I haven’t been around children that much. But, when it finally sunk in that he would be part of me, well, I just don’t have the words to describe how I feel.” Nick’s voice was cracking. He was obviously choking up talking about his unborn son. Lulu reached her hand across the table and touched his. “Nick, I’m so happy for you. Your son will be lucky to have you as his father.” Lulu’s eyes were tearing up. “Nick, I better get going. The roads will be getting slick before long.” “I’ll walk you back to your car.” They walked in silence. The snow flakes were coming down larger and faster, now. Lulu unlocked her car door and Nick opened it and helped her inside. “Drive carefully, Lulu.” He watched her drive off with mixed emotions. He glanced at his watch. It was just 6:30. He tried his father’s number to see if he was home. There was no answer. He didn’t leave a message. He could go to the office but he didn’t feel much like working. There was nothing left to do but go home. ~~~//~~~ Jamie had done a lot to his place. It looked like something out of one of those design magazines, yet it was comfortable. He checked for messages. Nothing. He bounded up the stairs, two at a time. Removing his suit and dress shirt, he pulled on a pair of jeans and a sweater and slipped his feet into a worn pair of loafers. Back downstairs, he grabbed a bottled water from the fridge and headed for the sofa. Taking the remote, he channel surfed to find the weather channel. The local weather forecasters were predicting 2-3 inches accumulation overnight but most of that would come just before daybreak. When they started talking about the eastern seaboard, Nick’s worries surfaced again. The storm sitting just off the coast of Maryland hadn’t budged. There was no snow and the temperature was still above freezing but the winds were fierce and the rains coming in heavy torrents. Jamie would be flying out of Reagan International. Nick felt sure they would not take off under dangerous weather conditions. The phone rang and Nick yanked it up. “Yeah.” It was his dad. “Hi, Nick. Jamie get home safely?” He’d obviously noticed the weather conditions, too. “No, Dad. The weather’s so bad in D.C. they cancelled a bunch of flights and re-scheduled a bunch of others. She’s on stand-by for a 9:30 take off.” “Why doesn’t she stay over until the weather gets better?” “I tried to convince her to do that. She wouldn’t think of it. You know how head strong she is. She feels they wouldn’t take off in dangerous weather.” “Well, I hope she’s right.” Burton had a way of emanating fear which he didn’t even realize he was doing. It only made Nick worry that much more. “Are you going to wait up for her?” “Of course. She’s going to take a cab from the airport but she promised to call when she finally landed. That’s when I’ll quit worrying. But, thanks for calling, Dad.” Burton signed off. Nick settled into the sofa. He kicked his shoes off and lay back with his head on the arm rest. He surfed through the movie channels to find a movie he might like. He finally settled on something. He didn’t remember when he dozed off. The phone ringing awakened him. Instinctively, he glanced at his watch. It was a little past 2:00 am. ‘My, God, where was Jamie?’ was his first thought. He answered the phone. “Hello.” His voice had a sleepy rasp to it. “Hello, darling.” It was Jamie. ‘Thank God’, he thought. “Where are you?” he asked, excitedly, fully awake now. “I’m at the airport. As soon as I retrieve my luggage I will grab a cab and be right home. I’m looking forward to my homecoming,” she said, sexily. “I’ll see what I can arrange,” he smiled at the phone. Nothing seemed to faze this girl. “How was the flight?” “Well, it was a little bumpy, but all in all it was not much worse than other flights I’ve taken. Oh, here come the bags. I gotta let you go, love, but I’ll be home soon and tell you all about it.” Nick said into the phone as she quickly disconnected, “I love you.” She probably hadn’t heard him. Well, she would be home in about 45 minutes to an hour, depending on the road conditions. Nick went to the window to look out. The roads were covered with snow. There were tire tracks but Nick didn’t see any cars moving about as he watched. He decided to take a shower. He needed to wash off the grime of the day. It would wake him up and occupy some of the time he had to wait. He threw on a fresh pair of jeans and a clean sweater. He needed to put his shoes on, too, since Jamie would need help with her luggage when she got home. He couldn’t very well go out in the snow with bare feet. It had been an hour. He looked out the window, expectantly. Still nothing moving. All he could do was wait, helplessly. It was so quiet in the house; you could hear the mantel clock ticking. The ringing of the phone shattered the silence. For a moment, he was paralyzed by fear. The phone rang a second time. He picked it up and said, “Hello.” “Nick, this is Brian.” His voice was stressed. Nick didn’t answer. He just waited for Brian to continue. “A few minutes ago they brought Jamie into Emergency. It’s bad, Nick. You should get down here as soon as you can.” Nick was in a state of suspended animation. Suddenly it registered. He had to get to Mercy Hospital. Right now. He went to the hall closet and grabbed his coat. He took his keys off the hall table and headed out the door, forgetting to lock it behind him. Nick was careful to drive sanely. Jamie needed him. He had to get to the hospital in one piece. There was hardly anyone on the road. On good roads, the hospital was about 10 minutes away. Tonight it would probably take twice that. It was 10 minutes to 4:00 when Nick pulled up in the emergency room parking lot. The parking lot was slick so he had to pick his way carefully to keep from falling. Most of the snow had been plowed off the driveway. Brian met him as he entered the emergency room. Nick said, calmly, “Where is she?” Brian put his hand on Nick’s shoulder and tried to comfort him. Nick shrugged him off. “Where is she?” he said again, this time in an agitated tone. “They’re trying to stabilize her for surgery, Nick.” Brian pointed at a glass cubicle. Nick started walking the direction Brian had pointed. “Nick, maybe you should wait. It’s bad.” He was trying to spare Nick the sight of his wife fighting for her life. Nick stared through the glass. His beautiful wife just lay there, motionless, a mass of broken bones and blood, while the doctors worked feverishly to save her life. He heard one of the doctors say, “We can’t wait any longer. Let’s get her to surgery. If we’re going to save the baby, we have to take it.” They moved her quickly out of the cubicle and to the elevator. Nick watched, unable to move. This couldn’t be happening. He stared at Brian. “Nick, why don’t you come with me?” He took Nick by the arm and led him to an empty cubicle. “Why don’t you lie down here for a minute?” Nick noticed a chair in the corner and walked over and sat down. He put his head in his hands. “Can I get you some water?” He didn’t answer. Brian ducked out and brought back a glass of water. Nick had not moved. “Nick, try to drink this.” Nick looked up. He took the glass of water and drank it down. “Nick, why don’t you stay here for a while? I’ll let you know if I hear anything from surgery.” He handed Brian the empty glass and put his head back in his hands. Nick didn’t know how much time had passed. He thought he heard a familiar voice. It was. It was Lulu. He felt a touch on his hand. “Nick, it’s Lulu. Please talk to me.” He raised his head from his hands and saw Lulu, stooped down in front of him. He didn’t know what to say. “I’ve called your father. He’s on his way.” Nick’s eyes began to water. He pressed his fingertips to his eyes to stop the tears. Lulu thought she heard a sob escape. She found another chair in a nearby room and moved it close to Nick. She put her arms around his shoulders and hugged him to her. She kissed the top of his head. Lulu could hardly hold back her own tears. Nick was in unbelievable anguish and she couldn’t do anything to help him. Brian entered the room with Burton close behind. “Lulu, Nick’s father is here.” Lulu looked up. “Hi, Mr. Fallin.” She patted Nick with her hand before standing and said, “Nick, your dad is here.” She stood and vacated the chair next to Nick. “Lulu, let’s leave them alone.” Lulu followed Brian out of the room. Burton seated himself in the chair and put his arm around his son. “Nicholas?” Nick finally looked his father in the eyes. His own eyes were rimmed in red. “Dad, I just know she’s not going to make it. And the baby…” Nick choked up thinking about it and a sob escaped. He started again. “They said they had to take the baby. He’s too small to survive… less than 6 months.” He buried his head in the crook of his father’s shoulder and wept as his father wrapped his arms around him. There were no words to mend his son’s broken heart. Burton kept silent, comforting his son as much as he could. He had called Jamie’s parents before he came to the hospital. They would be here within the hour depending on the roads. After a time, Nick had quit shaking. His breathing had evened out. “Son, can I get you anything?” Nick sat up and rubbed the heels of his hands over his eyes. He sniffed. Burton took his handkerchief from his pocket and handed it to him. “Here, son.” Nick took it and wiped his eyes and nose. He handed it back and said, “Thanks, Dad.” He stood up and started walking around. He had to shake this off. He didn’t want Jamie to see him like this. Brian came back in the room. Nick glanced his way. “Nick, Jamie’s still in surgery but the baby’s in Pediatric ICU on the 6th floor, if you want to go see him.” Nick looked at his father. “I’ll go with you, son.” “Surgical ICU is on the 4th floor.” Brian continued. “That is where they will be taking Jamie. If you want, after you see the baby, there’s a waiting room on that floor. I can send Jamie’s family up when they get here.” Nick said weakly, “Thanks, Brian.” “Don’t mention it, Nick.” It was early morning and the hospital corridors were virtually empty. Nick and Burton rode the elevator to the 6th floor, silently. As they approached the Pediatric IC Unit, Nick held back. Burton stopped and faced him. “Son, I know this is hard for you, but if you don’t see him you will regret it the rest of your life.” Reluctantly Nick followed Burton. Burton tapped on the glass and a nurse came into the hall to inquire. “Can we see the Fallin baby?” he asked. “Are you family?” “My son, here, is the father,” Burton said. He could see that Nick was on the verge of breaking down again. He took his arm to steady him. The nurse said, “I’ll get Dr. Mendez.” In a moment Dr. Mendez had introduced himself. “I’m the attending physician.” He looked at Nick. “Are you the child’s father?” Nick nodded his head, still unsure of his voice. “Come, let me talk to you a minute and then you can see him.” He led them to an office off the corridor. “Mr. Fallin, your son has suffered enormous trauma from the accident. Even for a full-term infant, the chance of survival would be less than 50%. Your son is less than 3 pounds. To be sure, Medical Science has made advances in premature infant care in recent years, but I don’t want to mislead you. Your son has less than a 20% chance of survival. The next 24 hours are critical.” Burton reached over to touch his son on the shoulder. “Nicholas, do you have any questions for the doctor?” Nick remained silent. “Doctor, I’m sorry. You have to understand this whole thing has been a shock to my son. His wife is still in surgery and his son is in danger. Can we see the child?” “Sure,” he stood and walked to the door. “Let me warn you that he is in a preemie incubator which has all manner of tubes and hoses running to it. He is breathing with the help of a respirator.” The doctor led them to the ICU. Nick was stunned. His son would fit in the palm of his hand. Nick turned away and left the room. He leaned against the wall to steady himself. He was softly crying into his hands. Burton turned to the doctor. “Dr. Mendez. We’ll be in the Surgical ICU waiting room on the 4th floor. If his condition changes, can you please let us know.” “Sure.” He said. Burton took Nick by the elbow and steered him to the elevator. On the 4th floor he found a restroom where Nick splashed cold water over his face. He looked in the mirror. He didn’t even recognize the man staring back at him. His eyes were red rimmed and swollen. He blew his nose and then took several deep breaths. “Okay,” he said to his dad. Burton opened the door and Nick walked out and down the hall to the waiting room. Burton went to the nurse’s station to let them know they were waiting for news of Jamie Fallin. He found a coffee vending machine and got two cups. “Why don’t you try some coffee,” he said, handing a cup to Nick. Nick gladly took it. He took a deep swig. It was only lukewarm but still tasted pretty good. “I don’t even know what happened.” He looked at the floor. “Well, son, Brian told me the taxi was hit head-on by a drunk driver. The cab driver died in the accident. Jamie was thrown into the front seat but the drunk driver walked away with minor injuries. It happened just five miles from your house.” Burton looked up to see Gladys and Carlton Collins entering the waiting room. Gladys ran over to Nick. She sat in the chair next to him. “Nick, how are you holding up, Dear?” She touched his swollen face tenderly. Nick replied softly, “I guess I’m doing as well as can be expected.” Burton called Carlton out into the hall. He preferred to fill him in on the details of the accident out of earshot of Gladys and Nick. Nick looked up at Gladys. She was steady as a rock. That’s the way he should be. He wanted to be strong for Jamie. “I’m sorry,” he said, his voice cracking. “Sorry for what, Nick? This isn’t your fault.” “I couldn’t protect her,” he said, angry with himself. “You can’t blame yourself.” Burton stuck his head in the door. “Nick, the doctor’s coming.” Nick got up and walked into the hall. He waited as the doctor approached. You could tell nothing from his facial expression. As he neared the group, he said, “The Jamie Fallin Family?” Nick stepped forward. “I’m Nick Fallin, her husband.” He introduced the other members of the family. “I’m Dr. Rodan. I’m sorry to say, Mr. Fallin, that your wife’s injuries are life threatening. We’ve done everything we can to stop the bleeding and stabilize her. She has severe head trauma, 5 broken ribs, a collapsed lung, crushed pelvis, two broken arms and severe internal injuries. Her chances are not good.” He reached out to steady Nick. “Can I see her?” Nick asked. “Follow me,” and he led Nick into the ICU. His first sight of Jamie was worse than he expected. Her face was swollen beyond recognition. She was breathing through a tube down her throat. Her two broken arms were splinted. The doctor excused himself. I’ll be back in a minute. Nick sat down quietly by Jamie’s bedside. He reached out and took her hand, gently. Tears began to spill down his cheeks. He whispered to his beloved wife, “Jamie, I love you. Do you know that I love you?” He waited, hoping for a response. Her hand lay lifeless in his. He swiped at his nose with his other hand. Suddenly an alarm went off and Nick glanced at the machines, desperate to know what was happening but he didn’t know what to look for. At that moment, the doctor arrived along with the nurses. Nick hurriedly stepped out of the way. Jamie’s heart had stopped. He had seen this before when Judge Stanton had died. He supported himself against the wall as he watched them try to revive her. After several minutes Jamie was pronounced dead at 5:25 am. Mercifully, 30 minutes after his mother died, baby Clay breathed his last breath. Dr. Rodan provided Burton with a sedative for Nick, to help him sleep. Burton convinced Nick he needed to come home with him and with Carlton’s help, he was able to get him into the car. Nick managed to undress for bed. Burton insisted he take the sedative. When Nick was finally settled in the bed, Burton turned the light off. He quietly shut the door. With the sedative, Nick would sleep a good 6 hours. It was about 6:30 am. Burton needed to run into the office and notify the staff. He wanted to get back before Nick woke up. He went to the kitchen to turn on the coffeemaker. Then he headed to the shower. As he passed his son’s room, he put his ear to the door and he could hear sobbing from within. He hadn’t seen Nick so bereft since his mother passed away. After Burton had showered, shaved and dressed, he looked in again on Nick and found him sleeping soundly. ~~~//~~~ At the office, Burton called a general office meeting. He sadly told the staff of the tragedy. He asked Michelle to re-schedule Nick’s appointments for at least two weeks later. Any that would not wait would need to be handled by another lawyer. In his office, after the meeting, the first call he got was from Alvin. “Burton, Lulu just told me about the accident. I am so sorry. Is there anything I can do?” “No, Alvin, I don’t think there’s anything you can do other than take Nick’s cases and pass them to someone else for now. He’s taking it all very hard.” “Be sure and let us know about the funeral arrangements, Burton.” That reminded Burton. At the hospital Gladys said she could handle all the arrangements. He had no idea that Nick would be able to handle them in the state he was in. He made a mental note to talk with Nick about it to see what he wanted to do and then he could get back with Gladys. “Sure, Alvin. Thanks for calling.” ~~~//~~~ When Burton arrived home he found Nick had already gotten up, showered, shaved and dressed. He was drinking coffee at the kitchen table when Burton walked in. Burton was a little surprised. Nick actually looked rested. “How do you feel this morning, son?” “Better thanks.” Burton poured a cup of coffee and sat down across the table from him. “Have you given any thought to the funeral arrangements?” He watched his son closely to gauge his reaction to this question. “Didn’t Gladys say last night at the hospital that she could take care of everything?” Nick asked. Burton was surprised again. He had no idea that Nick would remember what went on last night. “That’s right. They have a large family plot at Evergreen Memorial, which is only about 15 miles from the estate. If you’re agreeable to that location, Gladys can take care of everything.” “That’s fine,” Nick said with a lump in his throat. “They’re gone to me now. Where they’re buried isn’t gonna matter. I will carry them always in my heart.” Burton saw his son struggle to check his emotions. “Nick, do me a favor. Don’t go back to work until after the funeral. I’ve already notified the office and your cases are going to be taken care of.” “I wasn’t planning to but I need to go back home.” “You sure you’ll be all right?” “I guess we’ll see, won’t we.” ~~~//~~~ Burton drove him to the hospital to retrieve his car. Nick drove home from there. The sun had come out and melted most of the snow. Traffic was moving smoothly. He parked behind Jamie’s car. At the door, he paused. His life had changed forever last night. He put the key in the door and shoved it open. He could feel Jamie’s presence. Slowly, he made his way up the stairs and down the hall. He pushed the door open. The room wasn’t finished but you could tell it was going to be the nursery. Nick went to the empty crib. He sat down in the rocker with his head in his hands and cried until he could cry no more. Finally, he walked down the hall to their bedroom. The last night he spent with Jamie came rushing back to him. Jamie was standing in the door to their master bath. Her blonde hair was all piled up willy-nilly on her head and held with a banana clip. She had just gotten out of the shower and had a large towel wrapped around her. Nick was sitting on the side of the bed when he heard his wife ask, “Darling, can you hand me my nightgown, pretty please?” He got up and walked towards her. “You won’t need that tonight.” He grabbed her and held her close. Her hair was damp around the edge of her face and her skin was still moist from the shower. He reveled in her clean smell, kissing her neck and ears and then her lips. “You’ve got to leave me something to remember you by while you’re gone.” She immediately started removing his T-shirt. Her towel slipped and fell to the floor. Nick bent to kiss her swollen breasts. Taking her hand he walked her to the bed. He sat down on the edge and pulled her to him. He rested his ear on her swollen belly and said, “Little Clay, if you’re in there you better get to sleep. Your mama and I are gonna do something you don’t need to be seeing.” “Oh, you silly,” Jamie said, giggling. She put her hands on his head and held him to her. He kissed her belly, then standing, he carefully lifted her and laid her gently on the bed. He removed his pajama bottoms and lay down beside her. Jamie pulled him to her breast and held him tightly while he caressed her body. “Darling, I’m going to miss you,” she said, sadly. Nick raised himself on his elbows, looked at his beautiful wife and said, “Not as much as I’ll miss you.” He pushed back a strand of hair sticking to her damp forehead. He kissed her deeply and passionately. Jamie found his manhood and began to stroke it. He moved between her legs. Looking into her eyes for any signs of pain or discomfort, he entered her slowly. She closed her eyes and began to breathe through her mouth. She raised her hips to meet his thrusts. Sensing that Nick was being tentative, she said, “Oh, Nick, you don’t have to be so careful.” “Are you sure? I don’t want to hurt you or the baby.” Her swollen belly between them was a constant reminder for him to be careful. “We’ll be fine. Now, give me some lovin’, big boy.” They had made incredible love into the night. Nick backed out of the room. He slept in the guest room that night. ~~~//~~~ Nick rode to the chapel with his dad. Burton was surprised how stoic Nick was during the service. It had been decided to bury the baby with his mother in one casket. There was a large turn out. Nick had insisted on giving a short tribute to his wife and the young son he would never know. Amazingly, he had been able to get through it without incident. It was a poignant, heartfelt moment. There wasn’t a dry eye in the church. Afterwards, Jamie’s parents opened their home for those who wanted to pay their respects. A large headstone would be erected at the graveside and it would read: Here Lies Jamie Elizabeth Collins Fallin & Clay Burton Fallin Beloved wife and infant son Of Nicholas Fallin On the way back to Pittsburgh, Burton finally asked, “Son, are you okay?” “Sure. Why do you ask?” Nick said succinctly. He looked over at his dad. “Listen, Dad. I can’t grieve the rest of my life. It’s time to move on.” “There’s no shame in grieving, Nick.” “I didn’t say there was. It just doesn’t get you anywhere. I don’t expect I’ll experience what I had with Jamie ever again. So, I’ll do what I do best; work.” Nick looked out the window so his father wouldn’t see the sadness in his eyes. Burton looked over at his son. Nick had buried his heart today when he buried Jamie. And Burton was helpless to comfort him in his grief. Finally, after several moments had passed, Nick said quietly, “You know, Dad, you were wrong about one thing.” “What’s that, son?” “You said, if I loved Jamie; if I really loved her, we’d have a long and happy life together.” Burton looked at his son not knowing what to say. Nick turned his head to meet his father’s gaze and continued, “Just loving her wasn’t enough.” He turned his gaze back to the passing countryside. THE END