LIFE GOES ON, Pt. 2

AUTHOR: Bobbie S.

Email: luvleopard2@yahoo.com

RATED: R. Adult Language and Situations


AUTHOR'S NOTE: Life Goes on is about relationships, old and new, and tying up
loose ends. This story begins the evening that "Antarctica" ended. Too many
loose ends were left undone; the old relationships involving Nick, Lulu, and
Burton. How did the arrival of Baby Anne affect each of their lives? Whatever
happened to Jake and Kate? In the effort to tie up some of those dangling loose
ends, I borrowed some familiar characters and situations from episodes from all
three seasons of TG. All other characters are fiction, as well as a geographic
location or two. 

--+--

Over the following weeks, Nick's depression deepened to the point that Burton
became worried about his son. He was constantly asking Nick to slow down a bit;
that he was working too hard.

Nick was working 6-day workweeks, long hours into the night, without pay. LSP
still did not get as much funding as they needed to carry on business as usual.
If Nick had accepted a salary, three people would have lost their jobs when they
actually needed to hire more help. He was not willing to fire any of the
clerical workers, all of whom were single mothers scraping to support their
families.



Unbeknown to Lulu, her leave money was now coming out of Nick's pockets because
he had made all the cuts at LSP that he could make without closing down the
operation. When her maternity leave ended after six weeks, so did her salary.
Nick was only there now because of Alvin's disability and Lulu still didn't know
what she wanted to do about her job. One day she would swear that she was going
back to work to resume her position as director; the job Nick currently worked,
himself, in order to hold it open for her. Then another time, she only wanted
to work part-time. Then she would decide that she did not want to work at all;
she wanted to be a full-time mom to Anne. Nick was getting very frustrated with
her. She didn't want to marry him, but she wanted him to cater to her every
need and whim. She didn't want to marry him, but she thought it was okay for
him to work himself to death to pay for the overpriced house he bought for her
so she and his daughter could be comfortable.


That was okay, but he couldn't live there. She didn't want to go back to work
but how the hell did she expect him pay her mortgage, his mortgage, and support
her and their child when he was earning no salary. If she would just make up
her mind what she wanted to do, he could move on with his life. He had several
job options and a few clients that he served from his home office. Burton had
more clients he promised to transfer to him once he got settled, but he didn't
know what Lulu wanted to do. All he knew was he could not continue to work at
his pace for very long; he was exhausted.



Lulu only allowed Nick seven visitation hours a week on Sunday afternoons, the
only free time he had and she thought he should be happy that she allowed him
that. Sometimes she would accompany him and the baby to Burton's Sunday
dinners, but for the past few weeks, she chose not to. Of course he got to see
his baby if Lulu summoned him to come over and do an errand or task for her.
Nick knew that their relationship was over and he also knew that Lulu was using
him, but whenever she called him, he came running, happy to be of service and
even happier to be able to spend a few more moments with her and their beloved
daughter. One evening he showed up at Lulu's unexpected, after work because he
just wanted to see his daughter. He brought a little rubber ducky for the baby
and a quart of Lulu's favorite ice cream for her

She was furious that he had not called first.



"Nick, I am trying to get the baby on a schedule, when you barge in her
unexpected, it just throws everything off schedule. You need to call before you
come over." She snapped as she took the duck and ice cream from him, without a
thank you.



"Lulu, Anne is asleep, wouldn't the telephone awaken her if I had called?"



"Well, what do you want?" she asked.



"Do I have to want anything to come over her? I want to see my daughter, and
see if you were all right or needed anything. Are you all right? Do you need
anything?



"No, I am fine. I was just going to take a nap while the baby is asleep, so if
you'll excuse me."



"Do you want me to sit with her in case she wakes up first?"



"Whatever, suit yourself." Lulu stretched out on the sofa with her back turned
to Nick. He walked over to the bassinet, kissed Anne and left.



Another evening Lulu wanted Nick to come over to her place and move some
furniture in what was to be the baby's room and help her hang some curtains.



"When I offered to decorate this room, you told me you and your girlfriends were
going to do it. What happened?" Nick asked her.



"Well, I am still not sure just how I want it decorated. A friend just gave me
this crib and dresser today, and that is sufficient for now. It will still be a
while before Anne outgrows her bassinet."



"Lulu, why do you keep rejecting everything I want to do for Anne? I have
offered several times to do the nursery for you. I have a really cool idea for
a storybook theme for the ceiling and walls and....."



"There is plenty of time to decorate the nursery, Nick, Anne is only 5 weeks
old. She is going to need a nursery for several more years."



"But with my idea, the theme would take her up to grade school. We would only
have to upgrade her furniture."



"Nick, you keep talking about "we." Once and for all, I want you to understand
that being Anne's parents does not make us a couple. We are friends, Nick, just friends."



Nick said nothing. Lulu noticed the hurt look on his face. Anne began to
whimper. "She's waking up," Nick said. "May I feed her?"



"You forget, Nick, that I breast feed her. I only give her bottles when we are
away from home." Lulu went to check on the baby.



"She needs a change."



"I'll do it," Nick eagerly volunteered.



"I've got it covered." Lulu stated. "I am going to give her a warm bath and get
her ready for bed."



"Let me bathe her, I need to learn how."



"Well, I'll do it and you can watch." Lulu gave in.



Nick was happy to sit back and watch. He paid close attention because it was
his intentions to care for his daughter on overnight visits at his house.



"Do you think you can watch Anne for me on Saturday?"



"Sure, what time?" Nick had planned on working all day at LSP, but he could
bring his work home and care for Anne at the same time.



"Around 10:00, no make it 9:30; my appointment is scheduled at 10:00."



"Appointment?"



"For my dress fitting. Kate Shaw has asked me to be in her wedding party. You
know if you hadn't fallen out with Jake, you may have been asked to be his best
man."



Anger welled up inside of Nick at the very mention of Jake Straka's name. "I
think that role should be reserved for Jake's boyfriend."



"Nick, that's a terrible thing to say."



"Lulu, you know as well as I that Jake is queer and he is only marrying Kate for
her money and the status he can gain from her family tree."



"You don't think they are in love?"



"Kate may be."



"You don't think Jake loves Kate?"



"I think he loves her social status."



"You are impossible," Lulu stated, shaking her head as she dried Anne and put
her in a fresh diaper and tee shirt.



"Kiss Daddy goodnight, honey." She held the baby up to Nick's cheek.



Nick kissed Anne's chubby little jaw. "Goodnight sweetheart, Daddy loves you."



"Goodnight, Nick," Lulu said when Nick made no attempt to leave.



"You want me to leave?" He said surprised.



"I am getting ready to feed the baby and put her to bed."



"I'll do it."



"I am going to breast feed her Nick."



"I have seen your breast, before, Lulu, and they are quite lovely, I might add."



Lulu found no humor in Nick's statement and shot him a dirty look.



"Okay, okay, I am out of here."



"Goodnight, Nick. Thanks for coming, I really appreciate it."



"Sure you do." Nick mumbled beneath his breath.



"Remember Saturday at 9:30!" Lulu reminded him.



"Shall I pick her up or do you want to drop her by my house?"



"I would rather you come over here and watch her. She is so young, I would
rather she stayed in her familiar surroundings."



"Lulu it is going to have to be at my house or I can't do it at all. I had
planned to work all day Saturday, but I can bring my work home. So what is it
going to be? Will I pick her up or will you bring her over to my place?" Nick
was very firm. He was getting sick of Lulu insisting on doing everything her
way just because Anne was his daughter. After all, it was he who was doing her
a favor since she is too damn tight to pay a babysitter.



"Okay, I will drop her off at your place, that way I will know that I will not
be late for my appointment."



Nick did not like her tone or her attitude, but he let it pass. "Are you coming
to Dad's for dinner on Sunday?"



"I don't know. It is only Tuesday. I am not sure how I will be feeling on
Sunday," She responded in an agitated tone.



"Well, I will see you Saturday." Nick tried to kiss her goodbye, but she turned
her head. Nick started to walk out the door feeling rejected.



"Nick!" Lulu called back to him.



He stopped in his tracks and turned towards her feeling somewhat hopeful.
"Yes?"



"Whatever happened between you and Jake, I hope you will resolve it before the
wedding. I am going to need you to be my escort."



"Won't you be escorted by a groomsman? I am not in the wedding party."



"No, I mean during the festivities, you know the reception, dinner, the dance
afterward. And Kate's parents are hosting a big cookout the Sunday after the
wedding. It is going to be a gala affair and I am not good at mingling."



"And you are asking the "Teflon Man" whom you accused of being anti-social to be
your date at the so-called event of the year? If you would marry me like you
know you should, you wouldn't have to be concerned about a date."



"Behave, Nick. You know what I mean. You aren't good at mingling either."



"What makes you think that I am even going to Jakes wedding? I never received
an invitation.



"No one has yet. The wedding is not going to take place until Labor Day
weekend. Jake and Kate are leaving for a cruise on Labor Day."



"Uhm, Labor Day, the beginning of hurricane season. Jake on a cruise, in the
midst of a hurricane. That sounds like a winner to me."



"Burton said he was going; he said he wouldn't miss it."



"Then he can be your date." When Nick got no response from Lulu, he added,
"Dad was being sarcastic Lulu."



"He sounded serious to me."



"Well, I am not going, but I will baby sit Anne for you, if you like."



"You should go Nick, for Kate's sake."



"I will send her a gift, something only she can use."



"You are impossible. You and Jake worked together and were friends up until a
few months ago. Kate is the one who is being hurt by this squabble of yours."
You should let by-gones be by-gone."



"Nick could no longer contain his anger. "Lulu, have you not heard a word I
have said over these past months? It was Jake who was responsible for getting
me fired from the firm! That bastard set me up to get me fired; he planned it
step by step. Why can't you understand that?"



"Nick you got your own self fired. Your track record has not been squeaky clean
at LSP or Fallin & Fallin."



"So, how do you explain that he now has Dad's job as managing partner, huh, tell
me that?"

Nick was livid that Lulu was so anxious to take up for Jake.



"He has that job because Burton chose to step down from the position. And if
you hadn't..."



Lulu stopped speaking because she knew that she would only upset Nick more than
what he already was.



"If I hadn't what?"



"If you hadn't, well Jake was the next best man for the job since you were not
around."



"If I hadn't what Lulu, you didn't finish your statement."



"Okay, you asked for it. The way I hear it is if the board had not fired you,
Burton was going to do it anyway, so your days at Fallin and Fallin were already
numbered. The board just saved Burton the task of having to do it. So you
cannot blame anyone but yourself for getting fired."



"So who did you hear that from, Kate? Or was it her future husband, Jake the
Snake? You are as blind as the rest of the partners and old Jake is pretty
clever. He always wanted Dad's job, but he knew he didn't have a chance in hell
of getting it as long as I was there. So he schemed & plotted until he got me
fired by the board."



"Whatever, Nick. If that is what you believed happened, then that is what
happened."



"You really do believe that Dad was going to fire me, don't you? You really do
believe everything that Jake and Kate have told you about me. How could you
turn on me in favor of Jake after all that you and I have been through
together?" Nick's voice cracked as he spoke. He was crushed that Lulu would
believe such lies.



"Nick, it is late and I am tired and you must be tired also, coming over here
straight from work. I am going to feed the baby now and put her to bed. Good
night and don't forget Saturday."



Nick exited the door, feeling defeated. Lulu noticed the hurt in his voice and
eyes, but she really didn't care. Arguing with Nick was very tiring."



Nick was also very tired and hungry. He had worked a long and difficult 12-hour
day before he went to Lulu's. He had worked non-stop, only breaking to go to
the bathroom and trips to the coffee pot and the vending machine for cheese
nabs. As he pulled into the drive-thru of a fast food restaurant, it occurred
to him that Lulu hadn't even offered him as much as a cup of coffee, let alone
dinner or a snack. She knew he had come to her house directly from work to do
whatever she needed done. Again he felt thoroughly used, by Lulu.



**********





The Friday night of the 4th of July weekend, Nick showed up on Burton's doorstep
at 2:30 a.m.

Burton could not imagine who would be showing up at that hour. He put his
pistol in his robe pocket. Ever since he got mugged that night Shannon's
father, Roy, attempted to rob him of Nick's late mother's jewelry, he had become
very cautious about answering his door after hours.



"Nick, Son, come on in. Why didn't you use your key?"



"Because I know that you pack a piece and I didn't want to get shot being
mistaken as a burglar."



"Smart thinking, Son." Burton chuckled. "Is everything okay? Do you need
anything, a snack maybe?"



"I am fine, Nick said. "I was out late and I am too tired to drive home, so I
uh, well I just want to hang out on your sofa."



"Sure, of course, anytime. But, wouldn't you be more comfortable upstairs in
bed?"



"No, this is fine."



"Okay, but if you change your mind."



"Nick nodded as he took off his shoes and socks. Burton did not detect that
Nick had been drinking alcohol, but he looked haggard, as if he had been in a
dogfight. Nor did Burton suspect that he had been using; if he had been, his
home would have been the last place Nick would have gone. But Burton knew that
something was terribly wrong, but he did not want to ask too many questions, get
Nick upset and have him storm out of the house. Then he would never find out
what happened. He was slowly learning which of Nick's buttons could be pushed
and which could not, under any circumstance.



Burton went to the hall closet and produced a pillow, sheet and a lightweight
blanket. "Like I said, I could whip you up a quick snack if you're hungry."



"I am fine, but I could use some water and I can get that."



"No, you make up the sofa and I will get it for you." Burton returned from the
kitchen carrying a cold bottle of water and a half bag of potato chips. "Just
in case." Burton chuckled.



"Thanks Dad."



"Good night, Son."



"Uh, Dad, would you keep these for me?" Nick handed Burton his cell phone,
keys, and wallet. Burton took them from him with a puzzled look on his face.



"Of course, son." They made eye contact. The expression on Nick's face
portrayed agonizing pain. And this concerned Burton very much. Was Nick in
trouble? "Do you want to talk about it?"

Burton asked very gently.



"Not now, maybe later. "Uh, do you mind if I have one of your smokes?" Nick
pointed to Burton's pack of cigarettes and lighter on the coffee table.



"Help yourself. "Rest well, Son."



Nick nodded and proceeded to get undressed. When Burton had gone upstairs, Nick
went into the kitchen and retrieved a bottle of beer. He took the remote and
turned on the TV, flipping through the channels until he found something funny
on the Comedy Channel. He removed the filter from a cigarette and smoked it as
he munched chips, and sipped his beer.



Neither Nick, nor Burton rested well that night. Nick finally drifted off
around 5:00 am and Burton fell asleep only after he figured out what was going
on with Nick. Something happened that night that tempted him to go back to his
old drug habit. His last resort was to seek refuge under his fathers care.
("Good for you son, Good for you!" ) Burton knew that it would have been easier
for Nick to have bought drugs and holed up in his own home during the 3 day
holiday weekend. No one would have questioned his actions. But to surrender
himself to his father in the state that he was in took guts.



~~~~~

As Burton tossed and turned, he remembered a conversation he had with Clay Sims
a few weeks ago at the firm. Clay entered Burton's office around quitting time.
"Hey Burton, do you have a minute? I wanted to catch you before you left."



"Sure, I am only going home. You know this is the first time in years that I
have actually gone home at quitting time rather than working into the wee hours
of the night." Jake does not know how much of a favor he did me by taking over
my job and responsibilities."



"He may have your old job, but the responsibilities are questionable; he does
not know what the hell he is doing."



"I know, Burton laughed. And frankly I don't really give a damn. I love my new
position; letting someone else worry about the future of this place for a
change. I've made enough sacrifices. Jake is always asking advice on how to
handle this and what to do about that. And you know what I tell him? I tell
him that it is his job, go figure it out."



"You know Burton," Clay laughed, "I think Old Jake is disappointed. He wanted
Nick out of here and he wanted your job and salary, and all he got out of the
deal was your job title and responsibilities. He thought he was going to get
your salary and Nick's."



"Well, he was a fool where Nick was concerned, "Burton added. Nick was one of
the few people around her who actually liked Jake. Nick was finally over his
probation and community service and to a point where he could devote all of his
time to Fallin & Fallin. He accomplished more work around here, with the
responsibility of two full time jobs than Straka achieved with only one."



"The partners are now realizing that. I heard a rumor that Nick didn't leave
this firm empty handed."



"Well the rumor is true. Not only did he take most of his clients with him, but
also the firm gave him a settlement for a very significant amount of money for
his partnership and his initial investment into Fallin & Fallin. What they
forgot was that Nick founded this firm after Fallin & Associates crashed nearly
3 years ago. They settled to keep Nick for suing the hell out of them."



"That's right. So, that's why Fallin & Fallin is nearly broke. Nick took most
of the money with him." Clay smiled. And Straka thought he was the smart one."



Well, my boy may be a lot of things, but a fool is not one of them. His father
taught him well. And when the time is right, I am going to retire and take the
rest of it with me."



"Well, Burton, one of the things I came in her to tell you is since you are the
only person around here who has done right by me I will tell you that I am
looking for a new firm to call home."



"Smart move, Clay. Can I help in any way?"



"Thanks, I'll let you know. I told Nick if he decides to start up another
venture, I would like to come on board with him."



"Well, he is not sure just what he wants to do right now. He is trying to keep
LSP above water until he can get someone to come in and manage the place. His
fiancé is the director, but she is still on maternity leave and she is not sure
at this point whether she wants to come back to work full time."



"Well that is something else I wanted to talk to you about; Nick's fiancé'"



"Lulu?"



"Yeah, that's what Straka calls her. He is telling everyone that she and Nick
are breaking up. I gather that she and Jake's fiancé', Kate are friends. According to Straka, Lulu wants nothing to do with Nick; don't even want the baby to have his last name. He also claims that Lulu calls Nick a deadbeat dad who won't even support his own child, even though he is wealthy. He claims that Lulu is going to take Nick to court to sue him for child support."



"That's a damned lie!" Burton shouted.



"Nobody believes him Burton and nobody believes that Lulu said those things. It
is just a rumor that Jake wants to spread."



"Well, he is lying. Nick has loved that little baby from the time he found out
that Lulu was pregnant. And as far as child support is concerned, I set up a
medical account for the baby at Pitt. Before she was even born Nick set up an
account for Lulu to access so the baby's needs will always be met, in addition
to very generous support checks he gives her every month. Nearly every stitch
of clothing that baby wears was purchased by Nick or myself. Nick even bought
the house that Lulu lives in, so his child and her mother would be safe and
comfortable. I dare that bastard to get in face, calling my son a deadbeat
dad!"



"It's okay, Burton, the reason I am telling you this is so Nick won't hear it
and get in trouble for kicking Straka's ass. But maybe you could talk to Lulu
and tell her to be careful what she tells Kate because she only repeats it to
Jake who twists it into something ugly."



"I see what you mean. I'll talk to Lulu, I like her and she and I have always
gotten along, she'll listen to me and Nick doesn't even have to know."



"There is more, Burton."



"Really?" Burton asked sarcastically.



"This is no rumor, I heard Straka tell someone in the lounge that the baby has
Downs' Syndrome."



"Well, at least he can tell the truth about something. That is true and we are
not trying to keep it a secret. That is why I opened the medical account at
Pitt."



"But, according to Straka, Lulu said that the baby's condition was due to Nick's
drug abuse."



"What?"



"That is what Straka said, and he added that is the reason why Lulu wants no
part of Nick anymore, because he is still using."



"Well, we both know that Jake is lying, because if Nick was using, Jake would
find a way to set him up and get him arrested. But you are right Nick would
kick his ass if he knew."



"Maybe that is what Straka wants; Nick to attack him so he would have a reason
to sue him or get him thrown into jail. He probably wants Nick and Lulu to
break up and he may be planting ideas in her mind against Nick"



"But why?"



"Because he is so insanely jealous of Nick. Nick is everything Jake has ever
wanted to be and never has and never will be."



"Like what? I never thought Nicholas's life was all that."



"Well, he's got money, good looks, a way with the ladies. He could have any
woman he wanted if he dumped Lulu tonight. You are his father, so you don't
understand what I am saying. But if that isn't enough, Nick is smart. He may
have had a bit of bad luck, but he will recover. His daughter may have a
condition, but she will be fine, her dad will see to it. And he will get
another job and be very successful at it. Those are the things that Jake is
jealous of. Nick has always out shined him and he always will. Right now
Straka is in the limelight, he is getting married into a prominent family and he
thinks every one is looking up to him. Everyday we have to listen to all the
damn details of his wedding and reception. We know so much about it, I say
what's the point of even going?"



"Well, I wouldn't miss it; and not because I give a damn. I am only going
because I have been a friend to Kate's family since before Straka was even born.
And that is the only reason I am going."



"Well, I wouldn't miss it either and not because of Straka. Some of us have
wagers on whether there is really going to be a wedding."



"What are you saying Clay?"



"Only, I don't believe that Jake is the marrying kind, if you know what I mean."



"I know what you mean, but if Kate loves him, well none of us can prove
anything, all I ever heard was rumors and we know how much pain they can cause.
As much as I despise Jake, I have to believe he's innocent until he proves
himself guilty."



"You're a good man Burton, but if you decide you want to make a little bet, I
would suggest you bet my way. I believe I am right on this one."

*******

That same night, Burton called Lulu. "Hey Honey, how's my little angel doing?"



"She's asleep right now."



"How have you been? Do you need anything?"



"I am tired. I have everything I need right now, but thank you for asking. I
never knew that such a little person could demand so much time and attention."



"Well, just remember, she won't be little for long. I've missed you at Sunday
dinner, will I see you next week?"



"I don't know; it is too soon to tell. But you know that Anne is always welcome
to visit with you and Nick."



"I know, honey, and I really appreciate it. Well what I called for is that
there are some rumors floating around that you and Nick have broken up."



"That is not a rumor, Nick and I broke up when he had an affair with Suzanne
Pell."



"Oh, I wasn't aware of that."



"Burton, just because Nick and I have a child together does not mean that we are
a couple. I told Nick that but he still does not believe that I want nothing
else to do with him."



"Uh, Honey, I understand how you felt about that uh little fling he had. I
don't blame you, but think about what is best for Little Anne."



"We have to get along for her sake, but I don't have to love, trust, or marry
her father. Nick and I only have to share the baby and that is all."



"Uh, Honey, is that the way you really feel or is someone trying to turn you
against Nick?"



"Someone like whom, Burton?"



"Like Jake Strake. I know you and Kate are friends, so you are probably around
Jake at some point in time. I just thought that he may be trying to put little
ideas in you head against Nick, since the two of them are no longer friends.''



"Burton, I am not a fool; I can think for myself! Did Nick put you up to
calling me?"



"No, and I hope you don't tell him."



"Well, I am telling you this. I do not love or trust Nick anymore and I wish he
would leave me and my baby alone!"



"I see. Well, as long as that is how you honestly feel, that Jake or Kate is
not influencing you."



"That is how I feel."



"Well, my son and I both love Anne; nothing is ever going to change that."



"I know, Burton and I appreciate everything you and Nick have done for me and
the baby, but I don't want Nick in my life anymore. It is just that simple."



"Okay Honey, thanks for being honest with me. Kiss my grandbaby for me, okay?"



"Okay, goodnight, Burton."



Burton hung up the phone feeling very disappointed. He remembered the last time
Lulu rejected his son, Nicholas, got so depressed, he used drugs and wound up
back in rehab. He hoped their splitting up now was not going to have a negative
affect on Nicholas again. Maybe that is why he is working so hard. He may be
trying to get over Lulu.



As Burton continued to toss and turn, his mind went back to a conversation he
had with Alvin during the period of Nick's last rehab experience when he had
used Blue Mystic, right after Lulu left him and moved back into her own home.
Burton, himself, escorted Nicholas to rehab and made him check himself in for
outpatient's treatment. He gave his son no option. Burton and Alvin ran into
each other one evening at the Incline.



"Well, Burton, how's it going with Nick's rehab? Well, he is doing just fine as
far as I can tell. He seems to be making all of his sessions. They are supposed
to call me if he isn't. Alvin, I really appreciate you keeping this in
confidence. You know, Nicholas could end up in jail if this ever got out."



"I know that, Burton. Nick has come too far to let a little slip undo all that
he has achieved."



"A little slip? He knew damn well what he was doing." Burton was very angry
and he didn't care if Alvin knew it. "I let him know in no uncertain terms that
this is the very last straw. If he ever pulls a stunt like that again, he is on
his own."



"Meaning what?" Alvin asked calmly.



"Meaning I will fire him and he needn't ever expect me to bail him out of his
screw-ups again. I am damn sick and tired of his lies!"



"You two aren't very close are you?"



"We've never really had much of a relationship. I haven't a clue as to what is
going on in my son's life. I know he chased Lulu's skirt until he finally
caught her, got her pregnant, and then look what he did to that poor girl.
Nicholas doesn't know the meaning of responsibility."



"I think you are being too hard on Nick, Burton. That's exactly what I think."



"How could you say that? He had an affair while Lulu is carrying his child."



"You would too if you had to put up with Lulu." Alvin laughed. "Poor Nick, of
all the women he could have fallen in love with."



"Don't you like Lulu?"



"Of course I do, but remember there are always two sides to every coin. Now
think about it. In this day and age, Lulu did not have to get pregnant if she
did not want to. And number two, if she was keeping Nick happy at home, why
would he want to stray? Nick's a man, Burton. Stop thinking of him as your
little boy. He only did what men do."



"So you are saying that Lulu only wanted a baby?"



"I am saying that you are too hard on Nick. Let me ask you something. How long
had Nick been using coke?"



"I haven't a clue. I only found out about it when he got arrested."



"You are his father and you don't know? He was 18 years old Burton, a college
kid, still under your care."



"18?"



"Yes. And just so you'll know, he was 16 when he lost his virginity."



"Oh, I know about that."



"Well, the point I am trying to make is, well have you ever sat down and talked
to your son about his illness? Yes, Burton, Nick's addiction is an illness. He
can go to rehab, get detoxed, and the whole nine yards, but no matter how clean
he stays, he is still a junkie for the rest of his life. (Junkie, Burton hated
that word). You need to talk to him about it and try to understand what it all
means and what he goes through in his struggle. You may get upset for me saying
this, but part of Nick's problem is the fact that you two do not communicate."



"I don't buy that. Nicholas was a rebellious teenager. I warned him about the
dangers of drugs and a lot of other things. He probably started using just to
defy me."



"Defy you? Burton, Nick's problem isn't about you, although you probably are
part of the reason he started using as a teenager."



"What do you men?"



"Kids who start using drugs and alcohol are usually responding to something
missing in their lives. Of course they will experiment a little at parties and
with their friends, they don't want to seem square. But when it goes beyond the
party and they keep on using there is usually a problem they are trying to cope
with. In Nick's case, it would be his parents or lack of them. The kid
practically raised himself. When he finally got free from those boarding
schools you sent him to, I heard him call them teenage prisons, well, he was
free to do as he pleased. And he did. After all who was going to stop him.
His mother was dead and you weren't around to kick his ass when he got out of
line. And Burton that is all Nick has ever really needed. A good ass kicking
from his father and a big bear hug. And it still isn't too late."



Burton had to laugh; That Alvin had such a way with words. There was no way you
could get upset with him. "He's 34 years old Alvin; I think the moment has
passed."



"Damn! And I was going to let you do the bear hug." So, I understand you are
not hard up for money, so I figure that Nick had all the cash he needed to party
on. So, party he did. Only by the time the party was over, he was 31 years old
and hooked on coke. How he managed to keep his addiction a secret for so long
and be so successful on the job is beyond me."



"Me too; you can imagine my shock, when he called me from jail. He couldn't
face me."



"He didn't want to face one of your lectures. Poor guy, if I was Nick I think I
would have just served my jail time. I have heard your tongue lashings, Burton."




"Well, a lot of good it has done, where Nick is concerned. I don't know if
anyone can get through to that thick scull of his."



"You can. You just said he couldn't face you. It had nothing to do with your
lecture, which I am sure he still memorized to this day. He couldn't face you
because he knew he had let you down big time. Did it ever occur to you how much
your son loves you? Oh he may not say it in words, but if he did not care so
much about you and wanted to please you and make you proud of him, he would not
have cared so much about how his mistake affected you."



"And how do you know so much? I know that Nicholas did not tell you these
things, because if he says two sentences the whole day, he could be classified
as being chatty."



"He does not have to tell me anything. I know people and I know your son better
than you do. You are his hero Burton, so don't be so hard on him. Now this he
did tell me. He said that as much as he tries to walk in your shoes and make
you proud, he just can't. Your feet are too big."



"You just made that up." Burton laughed.



"Maybe I did and maybe I didn't but it is still true. Your shoes are too big
for your son to walk in. There is only one Burton Fallin. No can fill your
shoes. The sooner you stop expecting your son to be your carbon copy, the
sooner he can heal from all that ails him."



Fatigue finally overtook Burton and the next thing he knew, he was waking up at
7:15. He went downstairs to start the coffee. He was happy to see that Nick
was still on his sofa sound asleep. (I hope he rested well; I sure didn't.)
Burton thought to himself as he retrieved his cigarettes and lighter from the
coffee table. He picked up the empty potato chip bag, empty water and beer
bottles and the ashtray to take to the kitchen, being careful not to awaken his
son. He noticed that Nick had smoked five cigarettes, judging by the five
filters in the ashtray. (He looks so young and innocent when he is asleep. His
appearance really hasn't changed a whole lot from when he was a little boy).
Burton smiled to himself. He got the sudden urge to kiss his son on the
forehead, the same as he did when Nick was a child and he came in late from
work. He would go to his room and adjust his covers, kiss him on the forehead
and whisper, "I love you, Son." (Where has the time gone?) As he
stood staring down on Nick, Alvin' words echoed in his mind. ("Burton, when
was the last time you told Nick you loved him?" I don't know, Burton replied.
"He knows it, I don't have to tell him." "But you should, Alvin fired back.
That is very important to his healing process. "You need to say it Burton.
Don't worry about embarrassing him or yourself.") Now Burton could remember when
the last time was. He couldn't remember when he was talking to Alvin, but it
was when Nick asked for his mother's engagement ring and it wasn't awkward at
all. ('What the hell), he thought.' He bent down and kissed Nick on the
forehead and whispered, "I love you son." He expected to see Nick's eyes pop
open, but they didn't.



As Burton put on a pot of coffee, he sat at the kitchen table, still pondering
Alvin's speech. "Burton what I guess I am really trying to say is you should
make yourself available to Nick before he creates a mess that will have to be
fixed later. Communicate with him so he won't be afraid to tell you that he has
a problem and needs your help."



"Nicholas isn't afraid of me or anything else in the world."



"Nick is afraid of you. He is afraid of your lectures, he is afraid of you
rejecting him because he is very much aware that he is not perfect and he cannot
live up to all of your expectations. That is why he does not share his personal
life with you; he is afraid you may not approve."



"I don't approve of him using that stuff and some of those other stupid
screw-ups he committed."



"No one expects you too. He doesn't make messes because he wants to; he acts
out in negative ways after the fact. That is his crutch because he has no one
close enough to him that he can talk to."



"What about Lulu?



"Lulu doesn't have the patience to care about Nick's problems. She only wants
what she wants.



"What about you?"



"He doesn't trust me anymore."



"Why not?"



"Because I made a terrible mistake that almost sent him to jail."



"What do you mean?"



"Well, you know back when he got involved in that Mandy Gressler mess? Well,
remember Dale, Mandy's boyfriend, the one who got killed in that strip bar was
Nick's probation officer at the time. Well, I was the one who reported that
Nick had missed some of his 12-step meetings. Well then Dale started to
investigate further and found out about Nick's fight that night at the Incline,
defending Lulu's honor of all things and that he had left the state to go to New
York City one weekend. But Dale would not have known anything thing and would
be alive today, if I had kept my big mouth shut; but I had to do everything by
the book."



"Why did Nicholas go out of town?"



"He went to a friend's wedding." It was on the weekend, on his time, it was
none of my business, but I had to interfere. There was no way he would have
been given permission to leave town for a wedding, so he just took off. I
couldn't even prove he left; I just heard him and James talking about it. Well
when I blabbed to Dale about the meetings, I only gave him enough ammunition to
black-mail Nick. If Dale found out anything else on Nick, I don't know, but
just missing his meetings alone was enough to declare him in violation of his
probation. So one thing led to another, to another, until Dale ended up dead
and Nick got accused of supplying drugs to Mandy and wound up in jail and you
know the rest."



"Does he know you reported him?"



"Yes, he knows. I apologized, but I couldn't undo the damage. I only thought I
was teaching him a lesson. I kept forgetting that when he wasn't at LSP he was
working at your firm. I don't know how he managed doing two full time jobs; all
that stress." Alvin replied



( "Well, I don't know either. I guess that stress is what helped to land him on
my sofa. This is got to be one of those times that Alvin was talking about;
helping my son before he screws-up. There is no way Nicholas would be out there
in my living room now if he wasn't crying for help.)



Burton poured himself a cup of coffee and got the ingredients out of the
cupboard to mix up some waffles. ('Boy did Anne ever make great waffles; they
were Nicholas' favorite breakfast. This time I screwed up honey. I have failed
our son and look where he is; out there on my sofa, struggling to stay clean
from his addiction. I remember you told me that I was not a fit dad because I
could never find any time for our son. Well this time I am going to make the
time for whatever he needs; I am going to be there, I promise. I will never
forget that time you went to Nicholas' little league father-son banquet because
I worked late. Not too many women would have the guts to do that to represent
her son and make me look bad in front of all the other dads. That is one of the
things that attracted me to you, honey; your guts. Poor little Nicholas,)
Burton smiled, ('He was embarrassed, although he never admitted it. He just
quit little league. Neither you nor I could talk him into
changing his mind. I guess he got tired of the kids referring to you as his
mother, Mr. Fallin. I should have moved heaven and earth to be at that banquet.
I should have learned from that, but unfortunately, I didn't.)



(But, you would have been proud of our son, despite his problems. He is a dad
now and a darned good one. I knew he would be a good father long before the
idea ever crossed his mind. A few years back he tried to adopt a little girl in
need of a heart transplant, but she fell victim to the system because she had to
have adoptive parents before she could receive a donor heart. You guessed it
Nicholas tried to adopt the little girl. Her name was Leslie and he did receive
custody of her so she could get her surgery. Sadly, she died while in surgery;
they waited too long, hassling with technicalities and her body had weakened to
the point that they just couldn't save her. But it was our Nicholas who came to
her rescue. I don't think I ever told him how proud I was of him for doing
that. Maybe because I was still upset over something he said in the courtroom
while he was fighting to receive custody of her. He said, 'The only thing worse
than growing up without your mother, was
growing up without your mother and father. I think he was talking about
himself instead of Leslie. I should have learned then, also.')



Burton passed Nick on the sofa, again, as he went to check on the morning
newspaper. Nick seemed to be resting peacefully. Burton suspected that whatever
happened last night, Lulu had something to do with it. What my boy needs is a
good rest and to get away form Lulu before she destroys him. Now he believed
that what Clay said were rumors may have been true about Lulu. After all she
told Burton himself that she wished Nick would leave her and her baby alone.
Maybe this time she told him. Burton thought that if there were some way he
could get Nick out of town for a few days away from Lulu and his tiresome work,
he would do it. If Nick didn't slow down. He was going to have a breakdown.



He went back into the kitchen and put on a skillet of sausages. Within minutes,
Nick woke up from the aroma of fresh coffee and sizzling sausage. "Morning
Sunshine, you rest well?"



"Yes, pretty well," Nick yarned as he picked up the mug of hot coffee, Burton
placed on the coffee table."



Breakfast will be ready in a short while, I am making waffles and sausages."



"Great."

**********

After breakfast when Nick made no attempt to leave or ask for his belongings,
Burton began to worry. Nick went on the patio and just sat, staring off into
space. Burton tried to chat, but he only responded with a few words. It was as
though Nick was in a trance. Burton told Nick he had fresh clothes hanging in
the hall closet if he wanted to change. He still had on his dress clothes from
the day before. Nick looked puzzled until Burton explained that last spring he
had left some clothes after he had changed at the house and forgot to take them
home. Burton told him where to find a spare razor and toothbrush if he wanted
to shave, take a shower and freshen up. Like a child, Nick obeyed his father.
While Nick was in the shower, Burton made a very important phone call. Nick was
upstairs so long that Burton got concerned. He thought that maybe suggesting he
use a razor might not have been a good idea. Even though he looked fine, Nick
was showing evidence that he was not. He still showed signs of deep depression. When Burton went upstairs to check on him, he found Nick lying on Shannon's bed staring up at the ceiling. He had groomed and changed, but that sadness from last night was written all over his face. Son, why don't you come downstairs and watch a little television. You can stretch out on the couch if you get tired and want to take a little nap." Nick obeyed and did what his father suggested. He watched cartoons and home improvement shows until he fell asleep.



It was during that time that Burton got confirmation from his first phone call.
He then picked up the phone and called Dee, Nick's housekeeper. He explained
Nick's situation and they both concluded that Nick was on the verge of using
cocaine before he came to Burton's house the previous night. Dee explained that
it sounded as if Nick was in the midst of an anxiety attack. The reason it
appeared that he was unable to think or function without Burton telling him
exactly what to do. She agreed with Burton that if he attempted to take Nick to
a doctor, it would only make his problem worse. He would only rebel and once he
left the safety of Burton's home it would be anyone's guess where he would end
up and what he would do. "



"I swear, Dee, Nicholas has agreed to do everything I suggested without
question. He was never this obedient, even as a child, and he was a very good
little boy, never giving either of his parents any trouble."



"What ever you do, don't give him his keys back and don't let him leave your
house. Try to find something for him to do to keep him busy. You don't want to
exhaust him, that is part of his problem, not getting enough rest, but keep him
occupied as much as you can." Dee stated.



"Do you think I can pull this off Dee?"



"I am praying that you do. I have been concerned about Nick since before the
baby came. I cook for him as often as I can because I know he does not always
eat proper. Also, I knew he and Lulu were having problems and I don't think she
was helping any. She has made him feel guilty ever since he made that mistake
with that social worker. And then I think she was disappointed after the baby
came. Don't get me wrong, I know she loves Anne, but I think that she felt
shortchanged when the reality of the responsi-bilities of caring for a special
needs child hit her. She acts as if she blames Nick for the baby's condition.
She issues demands and orders him around and he takes it all without
complaining. So in my opinion, whatever ails him, Lulu had something to do with
it."



"Do you like Lulu, Dee?"



"We can't stand each other. She thinks I take up for Nick too much, and I do.
She can't see his goodness like I can. She only sees him as a drug addict who
has been to jail twice. Nick is someone Lulu can use. I see him as a very
talented young attorney who will go very far in life and so will his daughter if
he has anything to do with it. He loves that little baby more than his very own
life. Nick is someone who has made some mistakes, but tries very hard to
correct them. Lulu can't see the good in Nick for focusing on his faults."
(Burton wondered if he was guilty of doing the same thing.) I have a concern
for Anne as she gets older, unless Nick gains full custody of her."



"I don't understand. What do you mean?" Burton asked with concern in his
voice.



"Well Lulu is a stickler for perfection. Anne is not perfect, at least not
through Lulu's eyes. Lulu sees her and treats her as a special needs child,
inferior to other children. Nick sees her as a sweet little baby with lots of
future potential. Lulu wants to stay home with the baby all the time where no
one can see her. Nick on the other hand is proud of his daughter and he wants
to take her everywhere and show her off. Nick thinks the earlier the baby is
trained, taught, and exposed to different things, the better."



"Things like what? She is only a couple months old."



"Things like everything babies and children do. Swimming, dancing, games. Lulu
wants to rely on doctors to tell her what Anne will be capable of doing. Nick
wants to find out her capabilities himself and teach her or have her taught to
the limits of her physical and mental abilities. He was telling me about
swimming classes for babies as young as six months old. Trust me Burton, if Anne
have the physical strength to wave her little arms and kick her legs, Nick is
going to have her swimming at 7 months old. He has already taught her how to
grip a crayon in those chubby little hands. And the cutest thing I have ever
seen was when he placed her before her little piano and had her banging on it."



"What?"



"Nick has a tiny little toy piano; only God knows where he found it. But he sat
Anne on the kitchen table supporting her little back and head with one hand
because she is too young to even sit up. Then he used his other hand to poke at
the keys, and he took her little fingers and poked them at the keys and it
wasn't long that she started banging at the keys herself. Can you see what he
is trying to do, Burton?"



"Yes, when you explain it that way, it all makes sense. I would love to see
that." Burton chuckled.



"You should see in his toy box; things he has bought for Anne that he don't tell
Lulu about. She shoots down every idea he has about Anne. She just calls him
crazy and changes the subject."



"What's in the toy box?"



"Mainly things that he plays with himself, but swears he don't. But he has a
lot of little things for her for when she grows older. Burton, your son has
found the world's smallest tricycle from somewhere. It is so tiny that her
little legs can almost touch the pedals now. I think it was designed for a
doll, but it works like a real one. He is going to have her riding that bike
before she even learns to crawl. Burton, I could go on and on about Nick and
the plans he has for his daughter, but you need to ask him about some of them,
you will be amazed. But, the important thing is you have to listen to him even
if you don't agree. Don't call him crazy like Lulu does or else he will never
share any of is ideas with you again. And he might even let you peek inside his
toy box."



"I am going to ask him about that piano, I want to see that." Burton laughed.



"Well, I will head on over to his house and pack his bags. You say I will need
to pack enough items for one week?"



"Yes, I will leave my car doors open. Just call me when you are coming and I
will see to it that Nicholas will be somewhere in the house where he will not be
able to notice you are here and why."



"I can handle that, but, Burton, you have got to promise me that Nick is not
going to walk in on me while I am in his bedroom, rummaging threw his things."



"He will forgive you quicker than he will forgive me." Burton chuckled.



"You won't be laughing if he catches me and I tell him you made me do it." Dee
told him.



"No, I guess I won't. We won't go there. Right now we just have to concentrate
on getting our boy well, because something is wrong. He hasn't made an attempt
to go home and he hasn't asked for his things back."



"That's proof enough for me that he isn't well. Especially if he is not arguing
with you." Dee said.

"I'll call you later, Burton."



"Thank you honey. I really appreciate it. You know I will make it up to you.
Bye now."



When Nick woke up, Burton decided to see if he could get to the root of the
problem. He asked Nick several questions that he responded to with no emotion.
Under normal circumstances, Nick would have told him it was none of his damn
business. But, today, he responded as best as he could, not being able to think
clearly. When Burton asked him something personal about him and Lulu, his
physical response was very emotional, he appeared as if he would burst into
tears at any moment, and he could not respond verbally. The mention of her
named seemed too painful. Burton knew that Lulu was at the root of Nick's
condition. (I have got to get this boy out of town before he loses his mind.
As exhausted as he already is, it would not take a whole lot to send him into a
nervous breakdown. I just hope I can pull this off before he comes back to his
senses. Right now he is vulnerable and will do anything I tell him to do.)



"Burton gave Nick a business project to work on, something that would keep him
occupied until dinner was ready."



When they had finished eating, Burton said, "Son, I would like for you to spend
one more night over here, do you mind. I have to get up very early in the
morning. There is someplace I have to go and I need you to accompany me."



"Okay."



"You don't mind?"



"No, whatever you want is fine." Nick said and left it at that.



"Good, Son, very good." Burton was now convinced that Nick had really lost his
mind or was losing it. He was too agreeable, not having a clue to what he was
agreeing to.



After Nick had gone to bed, upstairs, Burton went out to his car and put his and
Nick's suitcases in the trunk of his Cadillac. He had no clue of what was going
on. At 5:30 a.m. Burton woke him up and told him to get up, take a shower, and
shave and get dressed in the clothes he had laid out for him; they had someplace
they needed to go. Nick obediently did exactly as his father had told him to
do. He did not ask where they were going or where did his outfit come from.
When he was finished, he came downstairs and sat down to the breakfast his
father had prepared for him. Nick never uttered a single word or asked any
questions, not even when they boarded the airplane.



What was the point? There were only two places his dad could have been taking
him; either to a rehab or a mental hospital. He tried to be positive about it
because he knew his dad would do him no harm and he did need the rest. Maybe it
would help him get over Lulu. If he did not get over her, he knew he would
eventually lose his mind. He did not think he had already lost it, because he
accomplished that contract assignment that his dad had given him with no trouble
at all. But, he did know that something was terribly wrong with him because he
came so close to ruining what he had accomplished the last three years, by using
again, all because of an argument he had with Lulu. If he hadn't gone to his
dad's house he may be dead or in jail at this very moment. He knew he was in
trouble because he was so tired that he couldn't function, he couldn't think
straight. All he could do was torture himself with those horrible words of
Lulu's that kept echoing through his mind, over and over. Whatever was wrong, he needed to get better, because he had to see his daughter again. She was the only thing in his life that made any sense. ('So, whatever Dad has in mind, wherever he is taking me is okay, because I know he is only trying to help me. Someone has to because right now, I don't have the strength from within to help myself.')



~~~~~~



As Nick and Burton's plane took off, a message came across Nick's answering
machine at his home.



"Hey Fallin,Happy Fourth of July! This is Mona, again. I have to assume you
are out of town because you haven't returned any of my phone calls. I even
tried your office and your cell phone. "Well, anyway, if you get this message
before tomorrow, let me know if you want to come to that barbeque I mentioned.
Actually it is a surprise birthday party for me, but I am not supposed to know
that, since my birthday is really today. If you are on vacation, I hope you are
having a good time. Oh, by the way, Hattie gave me a card and a fancy hair
barrette for my birthday. She told me that I should never cut my hair. She
said that having beautiful hair is like having a good man; if you are blessed
enough to have it you should do your best to keep it. Can you believe that old
bat actually said that? Hey, you know something? I kind of like her, after
all. Call me real soon."