LOOKING BACK 
 
Author: Jacqui
 
Email: ollyjac@optusnet.com.au
 
Rating: PG-13

Author's Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Some of the characters
are taken from the TV series "The Guardian" and the others are,
well, made up.



Author's Note: The following is a bit of a prequel to Friday Night, as this was
written before the premiere in the US, and, as we Aussies won't
get to see it until February I am going to pretend I didn't read the
spoilers.



--+--
 

Nick buried his face in his hands as he sat in the interview room.
He'd gone over the events of the evening repeatedly with the
police and was exhausted.

A few hours ago he had been allowed to see his father for a short time
and Nick had been glad when he'd said he'd wait around. Although he
had not been allowed to see his dad again, knowing he was waiting for
him was comforting. Eventually the hour got late and his father had
been sent home.

****
Nick lay on the bed staring at the ceiling. It was 11.30 pm and he was
having a hard time sleeping. The size of the cell was closing in on
him and he struggled to fight the increasing panic. He knew although
he was innocent he would have to go through the motions and that did
nothing to allay his fears, innocent men had been convicted before. He
couldn't help going over and over the events of the last 24 hours, if
he could only alter his train of thought he might be able to finally
get some much needed sleep.

He wondered, what on earth he could have done in this life, or a past
life to deserve the traumas of the last few years. He could accept the
punishment meted out for his stupidity with the drugs, but lately he
was more and more convinced someone up there really didn't like
him.

There was nothing to do but reflect on the past and as much as he
didn't want to, he couldn't help thinking about her. What was
she doing now? He knew what she was doing. It had been all over the
press,sell out tour with the final show in New York in a couple of
days and the huge speculation over some new massive recording deal.
Well she deserved it and he'd been such an ass. He'd even considered
going to New York for the show, it wouldn't have been the first time
he'd bought a ticket and sat unobtrusively in the back. There had been
times when he just had to see her, to be in the same room as her. Just
for a moment, he wished he could pick up the phone and call her, only
he remembered only too well the last time he'd tried that and any
sentimental feelings he may have had, disappeared as quickly as the
had they had surfaced.

Nick tried to shake the memories away, rolled on to his side and
belted the pillow trying to get comfortable, he closed his eyes, drew
a deep breath and hoped sleep would claim him.

It was some time later when he finally accepted sleep would not be
forthcoming.

Claire, it all came back to her. He had loved her passionately and
he'd managed to totally screw things up between them. If there
was one thing he regretted in his life it was how he'd treated her.

****
So honey, what do you think?"

"About what?" Matt replied absent-mindedly.

"About introducing Nick to Claire, what else?"

"Nina, when are you going to stop trying to get me to help you in
your matchmaking schemes?" he looked over his newspaper and tried
glaring at his girlfriend. But he had such a hard time being angry
with her, especially when she was right, but lately, *every* time they
were
together she tried to get him involved in her matchmaking plans for
Nick and one of her friends.

"Well, I think they'd be great together"

"Hmmm, if Nick ever got wind of me trying to fix him up again
he'd deck me, nope, not going to happen…"

"You know subtlety is the key. Claire is singing at the Campus Bar
tonight and tomorrow. Can't you just invite Nick for a drink? Hmmm…
Come on honey, it's a public place, just a drink, and if
it doesn't work out neither of them need be any the wiser.'

Nina leaned against the doorway provocatively. If she thought the cute
pout and the way she looked in his shirt was going to convince him to
do what she wanted…she was right.

Just as well he'd heard Nick leave early that morning, if
he'd walked in on this conversation the town wouldn't be big enough
for the both of them. But, Nina had a point, several really. Nick was
far too serious for his own good and a night out would do him good
regardless of the outcome. What was the worst that could happen?

Matt called Nick on his cell phone and left him a message inviting him
for a drink that evening. If he didn't show he would try again for
tomorrow night.

"If you *ever* even hint I knew what you had planned……."

"I wont I promise…"

Nina leaned in to kiss him, he was the best thing to happen to her and
although she wouldn't really do anything to risk their relationship,
Claire had fast become her best friend and she was convinced she and
Nick would be great together. She really liked him and if she wasn't
crazy about Matt, well you just never know. At least she wouldn't have
to convince Claire to show up.

Nine o'clock and still no sign of Nick, Nina had hoped he'd show up
tonight. He hadn't the night before, leaving her frustrated and
slightly miffed.

The lights dimmed and Claire walked out to the centre of the stage.
The crowd really loved her. She always started out with a few cover
songs before she got up enough nerve to sing her owns songs.

Just as the opening bars of Claire's first original song began,
Nick walked in the room. He glanced around trying to locate his
friend. As he headed over to their table, the young woman in the
centre of the
stage caught his attention. She was singing one of the most beautiful
songs he'd ever heard. He stumbled backwards as he tried to keep his
eye on the stage *and* make his way to the table.

"Hey Nick"

"What? Oh hi" he managed as he sat down his eyes not leaving
the stage. "Wow what a beautiful… …song"

Nina glanced sideways at Matt dying to "I told you so" him.
She knew it wouldn't take much to attract Nick's attention. Now she
counted down the minutes until the end of the first set. She had
already arranged for Claire to join them and was beginning to feel
rather pleased with her efforts.

****

Intermission, finally, and Claire made her way to her friend's
table. She had seen the blonde guy take a seat and felt slightly ill.
Nina had made no secret of the fact she thought her love life left a
lot to be desired or more to the point was practically non- existent
and it would not be the first time she tried to set her up with
someone. Exams were over and she was looking forward to the summer
break. It had been a tough semester and she wanted to do very little
for a couple of weeks. If she had the money she'd have hit the beaches
somewhere and just lay in the sun. She wished she could get out of
joining her friend but knew she couldn't ignore her.

"Hi guys" she smiled.

"Hi Claire" Nina beamed at the both of them subtlety going
right out the window. "Claire this is Nick"

"Hi" Nick smiled at her and stood up allowing her his seat.
"Can I get you a drink?"

"Thanks but some of the ice water will be fine" Claire tried
to hold her composure, the guy was devastating up close, maybe this
wouldn't be so bad after all.

The foursome spent the next half an hour chatting before Claire had to
begin the final set. During the songs Nick sat mesmerized by her
performance, no, not the performance, by Claire herself. He knew that
Nina'd had a hand in this and for once he was not sorry. Her last
two attempts had been dismal failures and he'd had to threaten Matt
with severe bodily damage if he let her set him up again. This time
though, Nick hoped that maybe he and Claire could get together sometime
without Nina or Matt's `assistance'. The only thing was how was he
going to get her number without making it obvious to the other two
that he was interested, as if they hadn't figured that out in the
first five minutes

Just before the final couple of songs Nina developed a `headache' and
Matt just had to take her home. Nick hoped that if he hung around
until she finished, maybe Claire would join him for a drink. He was
not disappointed and they spent the remainder of the evening enjoying
each other's company. Later in the week they met for coffee, then
lunch, then dinner and the relationship had grown quickly. It
wasn't long before they were inseparable much to the amusement of their
friends.

The next six months passed quickly and it had become increasingly
harder to say goodnight. Nick, reluctant to leave and Claire not quite
confident enough in herself to ask him to stay. Then everything
changed, Matt decided to ask Nina to move in with him and it became a
matter of Nick either finding another place to live or the both of
them would have to. If Nina moved in it would leave Claire without a
flat mate. As far as Nina was concerned the solution was pretty
logical, only trying to get Claire to let Nick move in, assuming he
wanted to, was going to be more difficult than setting them up in the
first place.

****

Nick was supposed to be taking taken Claire to dinner, he'd had
it all arranged, a very special evening, all planned carefully over
the last week. He had a little time before he was to pick her up and
paced the apartment trying to get the words straight in his head, the
small box in his jacket pocket weighing heavier by the minute.

****

Nick woke with a start, he'd been dreaming of Claire. He remembered
being able to tell her anything about his childhood and about how
he'd felt being sent away after his mother died. How impossible an
already strained relationship with his father had become. He had so
wanted things to be different between he and his dad, but hadn't known
what to do about it and although things were improving between them, he
still didn't know what to do about it. He closed his eyes and
breathed deeply remembering the way Claire felt in his arms, the smell
of her perfume, the feel of her hair against his cheek. She had
laughed at him, making him laugh too and take stock of himself. She
didn't take any of his crap and had a made him feel so wanted,
she'd been home to him. For the first time since his mother's death
he'd felt comfortable with someone, he belonged. They didn't even have
to speak she just seemed to know what he needed. She always knew when
to back off and let him brood. He was not an easy person to be with.

For the first time in a long while he admitted to himself just how
much he missed that feeling. She'd been his comfort zone and he'd let
her slip away actually, he'd forced her away and after she'd left he
had built a wall around himself that had only grown thicker with time.
He thumped his head against the pillow and rolled on his side facing
into the room with his back against the wall.

Nick lay staring into the darkness, wishing for the impossible.
He'd managed to get up enough nerve to try and contact her once or
twice,but had been told in no uncertain terms, she was not interested.
At least that's what that dumb ass Sam had told him. So again he
walked away. Lying alone in the early hours of the morning Nick began
to second-guess things. What if she hadn't known he wanted to see
her,what if, this Sam *hadn't even told her*. A spark of hope ignited
his darkness and Nick resolved to make a more determined effort to
contact Claire.

Another long boring day, Nick's lawyer had visited him just a
short time earlier and told him the autopsy results were due at any
time. Once the autopsy proved an overdose, which he was confident it
would, Nick could go home, not more than a day or two. Another day or
two, it seemed like a lifetime. He was glad when his father finally
arrived. He had made a decision and needed his dad's help, at least
until he was out of this place, he did not want to waste any more
time. He asked his father to try and get in touch with Claire. He knew she
would still be furious with him but at least if she didn't want
to see him he wanted to hear it from her not some lackey. The fact
that she had not filed for divorce gave him some hope.

Burton was not exactly thrilled with the idea of contacting Claire. It
was not that he didn't like her, he'd met her once or twice
and had liked her but he'd just thought that Nick should have
concentrated on getting his law degree first and he'd been right. The
break up had affected him badly, and again, it had been just one more
thing they hadn't talked about.

This time Burton didn't think his son needed any more complications
and an ex girlfriend could be more than he could handle right now. He
was not about to tell him that though, not after the last time and not
with the determined look on his son's face. Burton would keep his
opinion to himself and only hope that Nick would not be even more hurt
than he had already been. He would do this for his son because he knew
what would happen to them if he didn't. Their relationship had found
some steady ground, at least for the moment and he didn't want to do
anything to risk it.

*****

Two days later Burton sat in his office staring out of the window. He
took a long drag from his cigarette and contemplated how to deliver
the bad news. He had tried every way to get in contact with Claire,
even flying to New York but had not been able to get anywhere near
her. That Sam guy was a real jerk, he'd given Burton the
impression that he and Claire were an item but Burton seriously
doubted it. Damn it, Nick set his hopes high on contacting her and
Burton hated to be the bearer of bad news, nevertheless he had to face
Nick sooner or later and Nick would just have to deal with it.

Nick stared out of his living room window, having been released
earlier that day. He watched his father walk towards the house hoping
he had some good news for him. As he neared the front door he knew
from the look on his face, he did not.

"Dad, hi," he opened the door and let his father in.

"Nicholas…I…" he shook his head.

"It's ok. She wouldn't come right?"

"Nicholas…..I'm sorry son"

"Doesn't matter…forget it"

Burton was not fooled, his sons hopes were dashed but as quickly as
the pain in his eyes appeared it was gone. Once again the wall went
up.

Burton didn't really know what went wrong between them and
regardless of his opinion at the time, it had appeared to be a
promising relationship. For the first time in a long time Nick had
seemed really happy.

Well what ever happened, it was in the past. Maybe it was best left
there.
 
 
THE END