Broken Pieces – Part 3 Author: Sarah E. Grauvogl Email: grauvose@muohio.edu Rating: PG Note: This is (finally) a continuation of the fic, “Daddy Nick and Mommy Lulu” started by Rosiiii and I toward the end of TG Season 2 in May of 2003. Taking into consideration what happened in the show’s season finale “All the Rage”, some events are still included (the parking lot beating, James’ demise, Lulu’s job offer in Berkeley) but the original story thread from “Daddy Nick…” stays the same in regards to the very much unplanned pregnancy and the nature of the Nick/Lulu relationship, with Lulu saying “I love you” first and Nick’s uncertainty over anything being able to last. The characters and TG are not mine, but the story as it unfolds from this point on are. The parking lot dialogue is almost entirely taken from “All the Rage.” What I intend to do is spin the story in a different direction, taking TG into an ‘alternate universe’ from what we saw in the arc of episodes preceding “All the Rage” and Season Three. ** A bit later that same night… ** Pittsburgh Police Station, 9:08 P.M. Silence had returned to the small cell. They had barely been there an hour. Their release couldn’t come quickly enough, both were anxious to get out and in desperate need of some fresh air. Instead of bringing them closer together, the close confines seemed to be pulling them further apart – each searching for his own space and means of coping with the predicament they found themselves in. As he watched his son pace before him, Burton released an exasperated sigh, “Nicholas, would you please sit down?” “Why won’t anyone tell me what happened?” Nick pleaded, “all I want to know is who… who…” He stopped himself, unable to continue, he didn’t even want to entertain that thought. he repeated internally “I’m sure they’ll tell us once they know something more definitive,” Burton tried to reason, “they probably don’t have all the details yet…” “I’m not asking for details, I just want to know who the hell was inside!” Nick snapped, no longer capable of suppressing his rage. He peered through the bars, glaring at the old cop assigned to keep watch, “I just want to know that the hell happened! Is that too much to ask?” he asked himself, Annoyed, the old cop approached the cell. He pointed his finger straight at Nick, as if to chastise him like a father would his child, “How many times do I have to tell you, Fallin? No privileges until after questioning. Another outburst like that and I’ll make sure you stay in there…” “Officer, please just hear me out…” Burton got up slowly from the bed, and walked over toward the bars. He glanced at Nick, as if imploring his silence, and then turned to face the cop, “my son would just like to know if his friend was hurt, that’s all – you see, we were supposed to go to…” “Well,” the cop started with a smirk, “looks to me as if you should’ve kept your plans, I don’t see any of your country club friends hanging around in here…” he shook his head, trying to stop the thought, The officer pointed toward the TV, hanging in the corner of the main bullpen, “news comes on at ten, maybe if you’re lucky – I’ll turn it on…” “We’d sure appreciate it…” Burton took a deep breath, his heart still racing. He tried to be understanding. He wanted to help. God knows they didn’t need anymore trouble. He had to say something to shut him up. “Son, step aside a moment?” Burton requested as he moved away from the bars, hoping to secure them whatever privacy was available. Waiting till the cop returned to his chair, Nick did as he was told. He joined his father near the bunked beds. “What?” “Cut this shit out, Nicholas…” his father answered curtly, “I know you’re concerned about that LSP and Lulu, but actin’ up isn’t going to get us out of here any sooner and it sure as hell won’t get you any information…” Burton cast his gaze back toward the old cop, “my apologies, Officer… my son is just a little upset…” The cop just nodded and turned his head away, focusing on the newspaper spread out before him. “You don’t care, do you?” Nick fired back angrily, “you don’t even see what a part of my life this place has become!” “What?” Burton leaned against the wall, and brought his hand over his brow in exasperation, “Nicholas, this is not the time…” he pleaded to himself, Burton swallowed hard, Shaking his head defiantly, Nick moved toward him, “there’s never a time, is there? You just don’t want to hear it…you hate that I know you don’t care, that I know that nothing outside that goddamn office matters!” “Nicholas!” his father barked, his heart racing all the faster. Burton clenched his jaw, reflecting before he spoke. It was hard for the words to find him. He dared to look up at his son, “please, I know you are anxious about what happened over at, at… at…” “AT LSP!” Nick stammered, his voice trembling, “I WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED AT LSP!” Waiting a moment, Burton continued, “right, over at LSP…but we can’t do anything about what’s going on over there until we take care of what’s here, the mess…you know… that we’re in…we’ve gotta take care of this first?” “Are those your words of wisdom?” he scoffed. Nick’s wary stormy blue eyes met with his father’s, “Lulu could be in there… I need to know if she was in there…” Nick begged silently as he stared at the cracked cement floor, “Maybe that Darger will know something once he gets here…” Burton concluded, hoping to lay the subject to rest – at least for the time being. Lulu was definitely a part of his son’s life, but he questioned as to whether or not she’d be long term. Even with the possibility of a baby being involved, he knew his son had a knack for driving people away when they tried to get too close. Nick had pushed him away many times before. Even now, after all these years, he wanted to believe he could be immune to his son’s defenses. Deep down, Burton knew they still hurt – maybe he too was to blame for the distance between them. Maybe. But there was no way he could change the past. What’s done is done. Burton rubbed his brow, trying to relieve some of the built up tension from dredging up the ‘what might have beens’ that he had no control over. “Nicholas?” he called, breaking the silence. “What?” Nick asked reluctantly, wishing his father would take the hint. He didn’t want to be bothered, and he sure as hell didn’t want to be there in that police station. Certain that there was nothing else ‘safe’ to discuss, Burton dared to bring it up, “this week, there’s a kid from San Francisco coming in to…” “WORK! YOU THINK I WANT TO TALK ABOUT WORK?” Nick looked at his father in disbelief, “there might not even be a ‘this week’ – that man, that man… he could die…?” He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. It was futile, one of them had to be realistic. “And even if he doesn’t, who knows what this will…” Nick almost choked on the thought. Nick mumbled to himself. He felt the cold sweat on his face as the anger boiled inside. “Once we get this taken care of,” his father started again, undeterred, “we’ve got to think about some restructuring in the firm – that’s all I am saying…” No longer able to face him, Nick turned away, “how…how can you even think about work at a time like this?” “What the hell else am I supposed to discuss with you, Nicholas?” Burton returned, the hurt apparent in his eyes. “This is the longest conversation you’ve had with me in God knows how long…” “We… we don’t ‘talk’, Dad…our relationship isn’t like that…” Nick glanced back over his shoulder at his father, sitting there on the bed. It was then, in that moment, that he realized how broken the old man was. he thought to himself, knowing that had this, this mess, happened years ago – not a word would’ve been spoken between them. “Maybe I’d like to change that…” Burton finally answered, swallowing hard, “maybe I don’t like only knowing bits and pieces…”. Turning around, Nick scoffed, “you can’t go back and change things now, expecting me to…” “You said I don’t know how important that LSP is to you…” Burton started after clearing his throat, “you ever think that might be because only time I hear you mention it is when you’re bitchin’ about it? …you keep talkin’ ‘bout Lulu, but seems to me I hear more from her or her mother… and this baby, Nicholas, much as I want to be a grandfather… I don’t know if you’re ready for that type of life, to be committed…” “You think I can’t commit?” Nick stared at his father, breathing deeply as he awaited his reply. he painfully acknowledged. Judith Lieberman’s message played again and again in his mind. “Just…just… there’s no precedent, Nicholas…” Burton bit down on his lower lip, “I know you’ve been trying these past few years to get your life back on track, and I know you’ve made some progress, but…” he stopped himself there, he knew better than to go on. “But what, Dad?” Nick focused his eyes on the floor, clearly embarrassed; “progress is progress, right?” There was no denying the heaviness in his heart, or the disappointment that he still felt – even now. “Well, Son… it’s a start…” “A start,” Nick repeated, disillusioned. He thought, over time, his father’s criticism would pass. The standards he set long ago would be replaced. That one day, Burton would see past his failures and look at the success. Obviously, today was not that day. Nick glanced toward his father, “a start…it’s never enough is it?” When his father didn’t flinch, he said it again, “nothing I do is ever enough…” The old cop looked back at the cell. Silence had once again taken over. The old man was still seated on the bed, and the son had started pacing the floor before him. ** Legal Services of Pittsburgh, 9:16 PM Traffic had delayed their arrival. They seemed to catch every light. To hit every delay. As the cab made its way across the bridge, she could see the flashing lights. The sound of the sirens was shrill and incessant. There were two ambulances, maybe three. Several squad cars were parked at angles to close off the area. An officer was directing traffic; a few others were posted in front of the doors. “Oh God…” she gasped, clutching her small purse tightly. Her heart and head were pounding, a cool sweat beginning to form at her brow. she prayed quietly. The driver pulled up the car as close as he could, about 200 feet away or so. He turned around, “you sure this is where you want to be lady, all dressed up?” “Yeah,” Lulu opened the door and started to step out. Her cash was at home. His fee would have to wait. Now was not the time to worry. “Charge the…” she started. “Taken care of, that gent that hailed the cab already paid me…” the driver interrupted, he looked toward the cops surrounding the area, “hey, good luck in there…” Taking a deep breath, Lulu couldn’t force herself to smile, “thanks…” She got out of the cab and slammed the door. She gathered the length of her dress and ran quickly toward the doors, not trusting herself to make it if she moved any slower. Before she could reach the doors, a tall, broad-shouldered African-American police officer stepped in front of her, “you can’t come up, m’am…” “I work here…” Lulu answered after catching her breath. She tried to look past him, to find if she could see anything, or anyone. she thought to herself, “Name?” the officer demanded. Even the simplest questions were hard to answer. Her mind was elsewhere. It was already upstairs. It was finding out who was on the other side of the gun. “Louisa Archer, Associate Director…” she returned, her heart beating all the faster. The officer checked the list of names that was given to him. He quickly found hers. Stepping aside, he opened the door, “go on up – but you’ll have to take the stairs, elevator is part of the crime scene…” “Right…” Lulu moved past him and ran toward the stairwell. Eight, maybe twelve, she had no idea how many flights it was. God knows she didn’t come up this way often. All her years of running didn’t help her now. Her thoughts threatened to paralyze her. Her legs were shaky, her breath short. Each step seemed a little higher, a little more difficult to get up. Lulu tortured herself, It seemed to take forever to reach the floor. The door to the stairwell was propped open. Taking a deep breath, Lulu stepped forward, “I…” A short, stocky dark haired officer shook his head and stepped in front of her, “this is a crime scene, miss, you can’t be in here…” “I’m the Associate Director,” Lulu said defiantly, her anxiety getting the better of her. She watched as uniformed strangers moved about the office, only a few in the areas sectioned off with yellow tape. She dared herself to glance toward the elevators, where the EMTs where. “Name?” the officer asked, distracting her. Unable to take her eyes away, Lulu could barely speak, “Louisa Archer…” “Hey, Darger – the Associate Director is here,” he barked into his walkie-talkie. He replaced the handset to its holder on his belt and looked up, offering her his hand, “I’m Officer Mitch Reynolds, we spoke on the phone. I’ll be handling the case...” “Oh God…” Lulu’s heart sank as she watched the EMTs drape a sheet over the lifeless form. She raised her eyes; a second covered body was already loaded onto a gurney near by. There were so many people around the bodies, blocking her view. She was shaking; she thought her knees might give out. She had to know. She could wait no longer. “Who? Who was it?” she mustered up the courage to ask. she pleaded silently as she waited for the officer to answer. “James Mooney and Larry Flood…” Officer Reynolds returned, “we’ve got a positive ID on them both…” “James and Larry…” Lulu repeated, the quivering of her voice betraying the relief she felt. she tried to assure herself, Lulu looked towards the elevators, watching in horror as the EMTs lifted the covered lifeless body onto the empty gurney. A dark hand fell to the side. That’s when it hit. It was James. He was gone. Sweet James. Lulu thought to herself, Her heart continued to race as she watched the EMTs with the bodies. “Ms. Archer, why don’t you have a seat in the conference room?” Officer Reynolds placed his hands on her bare shoulders, “we’ll get you a cuppa coffee or some water, we can talk in there…” Finally turning her head away from the grisly blood stained floor, Lulu nodded but didn’t move. “Where’s Barbara?” she questioned weakly. Sympathetic to her shock, Officer Reynolds slipped his arm through hers and guided her forward, “she’s already in there, with Detective Darger…” “Have you found Alvin yet?” Lulu asked after wiping her eyes. The tears were uncontrollable. God knows she was relieved it wasn’t Nick, but she never expected this. She knew the circumstances of James’ resignation, but this was not the end he was supposed to meet. As he stopped just outside the door, Officer Reynolds shook his head, “we’re still trying to get a hold of him.” Lulu urged herself, He hadn’t left her mind, she still didn’t know where the hell he was or why he wasn’t taking her calls. she wanted to believe, she stopped herself there, needing to focus. There she was. Seated at the long conference table. Her body shaking. Her brilliant red curls spilled over her shoulders as she leaned over the table, her head resting on her hand. Another officer tapped her lightly on the arm, “Barbara?” “Lulu, oh Lulu…” Barbara sobbed as she got up slowly from the chair with the assistance of another officer. She tried to wipe the tears off her cheek with an unsteady hand as she came forward, “oh Lulu, it’s so bad…it’s so bad…” “I know…” Lulu swallowed hard and allowed herself to be pulled into Barbara’s strong embrace. Breathing deeply, Barbara hugged her close, thankful that someone was finally there. “He and I… just… an hour before… just… we … were” she began, “we were…. we were just dancing and I…” Although he had seen countless scenes like this before, Darger appreciated the moment for what it was. He’d wait, ask his few questions and go – he had just about all the information he needed. There was no need to make things harder for them. He was needed back at the station, he trusted Reynolds to wrap things up. ** Evans’ Home, 10:57 P.M. The move to Pittsburgh wasn’t something she was anticipating; it wasn’t an opportunity that she relished. To confront the past now seemed useless, hopeless. Maybe she had denied him long enough. Maybe she had denied herself. Over the years, she had thought to come herself, to explain what happened and maybe see if things had changed. Each time, there was something that discouraged her. She always changed her mind. He made her feel as if what they had was nothing, at least in comparison to what he had at home. What he went back to. Maybe their relationship had been a mistake, but what they made wasn’t – that’s what she believed, that’s what got her through. He couldn’t take that away from her. Raising John alone wouldn’t have been her choice; she’d have wanted his father involved if he was willing. There were too many complications, too many possible consequences for coming forward. Maybe she was as guilty as he was, maybe she should’ve known she would get hurt. There were years between them now, a lot of painful years. And lies. In spite of her own inhibitions, she was really looking out for him. For his best interests. She had been all along. She didn’t want to see John get shoved aside, overlooked. There had been stories, little things she heard that in her mind were reason enough to keep her boy away. Now, he was a man, plenty old enough to make the choice for himself. God help him. Gael wanted to see him happy, she really did but she wasn’t about to stand back and watch as he got himself hurt. Every time she looked at him, she saw his father. The man she so desperately wanted to love her, the man she tried so hard to get close to. Maybe it was all in his eyes, sometimes more gray, others a stormy blue – it made life hard. Her previous inquiries had produced pictures, she knew her boy looked like the other son. Maybe that would be in his favor, maybe not. In her wildest dreams, she’d never have predicted who her son would’ve looked like. She’d have liked to believe that he got his blonde head, with just the faintest hints of red, from somewhere on her side, but she remembered hearing that his father too had lighter hair in his youth. Her young grandson was much the same in coloring, but displaying the stockier, more solid build of his father than that of his unknown uncle. The dimples were a beautiful commonality. Gael stopped herself, As her curiosity got the better of her, Gael finally knocked, “Johnny?” “Yeah?” John leaned forward and opened the door to his office, which had been only partially closed. It wasn’t as if he was trying to keep what he was doing a secret, but it helped to block out his mother’s looks of disapproval. he thought, “Declan told me you met a girl tonight…” she reported happily as she stood there in the doorway. In the back of his mind, John knew he should’ve told Declan not to say anything. Sometimes he overlooked the innocence of his son’s age, the desire to share every bit of the new information they acquire. His mother had a tendency to put too much thought into these things. Not wanting to start another argument, John just smiled and played into her inquistion, “oh, he did?” “He said you called her pretty,” Gael added, “short, dark hair, black dress, big smile…” “No, what I said was that she was nice…” John corrected, his cheeks quickly reddening. Undeterred, she reasoned that if Johnny was to truly make a fresh start, meeting a good woman would be the first step. Gael couldn’t help but ask, “so… did you get her number?” Embarrassed by his mother’s question, he shook his head in the negative, “so… she’s the assistant director of Legal Services…” “That’s where you went, right?” Gael thought the name sounded remotely familiar. “Yeah, I was looking to volunteer there a few hours a week…” John looked down at the articles spread over his desk, the contents of a project he had started long ago. Little mentions here and there. These were the only means he had of filling in some of the blanks. The look in his eyes wasn’t convincing, she saw the doubt as she came closer and leaned against his large cherry desk. At times it was hard to distinguish between fleeting interest and disappointment with him. Again he was like his father. “And now?” she asked. Taking a deep breath, John shrugged, “I guess we’ll see how my interview at Fallin goes…” “Johnny, you know I’d prefer if you didn’t take the job there…” Gael leaned forward and placed her hand affectionately on her son’s shoulder, “I really, really don’t think this is a good idea…” “It’s what I want, Mom…” John looked into his mother’s clear blue eyes, “don’t you understand what this, this life has done to me? I don’t even know who I am… how can I answer my son’s questions when I don’t know the truth myself…” Knowingly, his mother pulled back, clearly affected by the hurt she heard in his voice. Gael tried to sympathize, “this isn’t something that you can just… just throw yourself into and hope for the best…” “It’s just… just a job,” he stammered, as if trying to convince himself that’s all it would be. He knew it meant more than that, to finally be on their level. This was his chance, the one she never gave him. “John…” Gael touched his cheek lightly with her fingers; trying to calm him as if he were still a child, “please just hear me out…” Unwilling to reason, John turned away from her, “I have to start somewhere…” It was moments like this that made her question her decision, the choice that she made. Determination was one quality about her boy that never changed. When he wanted something, he got it; he let nothing stand in his way. Maybe this woman would be mentioned again, maybe not. She’d have to wait and see. There seemed to be only one thing on her Johnny’s mind right now. Without another word, Gael stood up and left the room. As he looked over the articles, John felt a certain emptiness. There were a lot of unanswered questions. He knew he owed the life he had to his mother’s decision, and while he didn’t hate her for it, he couldn’t help but wonder if things might have been different – had she tried a little harder, had she told his father the truth. ** Pittsburgh Police Station, 11:31 PM As Darger continued to write the final notes, Burton glanced toward his son. Apart from the questions the detective asked, not a word had been said between them after the outburst in the holding cell. He hated when Nicholas acted like this, when he shut down. Looking at him now, no one would think he was a thirty-four year old successful lawyer. His eyes were wary and blood shot, his hair disorderly from his fingers raking through it, his tuxedo stained with spots of blood, his hands swollen from the swings he took. In that moment he looked more and more like the addict he found than the son he tried so hard to love. Disheartened, Burton looked away, and shook his head – trying desperately to shake that image. “Bail has been set. Once you are released, you’ll be expected to come in again at our discretion for questioning,” Darger quickly reviewed the pages he had just scrawled, “I’ll be in contact with both of you and your lawyer…” “Thank you,” Burton painfully extended his bruised hand to Darger, “thank you once again for taking care of this tonight…” After the protocol handshake, Darger looked back to his small notebook, “is there anything else?” “What happened at LSP?” Burton asked, before Nick had a chance. With far too many unsorted details flooding his mind, Darger offered only a simple answer, “there was a shooting, two lawyers were killed…” Taking a deep breath, Nick could barely utter the small word,“w..wh…who?” “Larry Flood and James Mooney,” Darger answered, not immediately recalling the connection Nick had to LSP. “Why?” Nick repeated to himself, releasing a big sigh of relief. A weight was lifted off of him, his mind released of the guilt. he tried to conclude, although knowing that deep down – he’d prefer not to lose her at all. “Nicholas has his service hours there…” Burton answered succinctly. He glanced back at Nick, who seemed to be too shocked to speak. Some color might have been returning to his face, a sign of life in his eyes. Though now wasn’t the time to admit it, he too was relieved. he said to himself. “That’s right.” Darger closed his small notebook and replaced it to the pocket of his leather jacket. Leaning forward, he looked toward Nick, mercifully distracting him from his thoughts, “speaking of which, you can expect a meeting with your parole officer…” “Okay,” Nick answered quietly. He knew he was in no position to argue. that’s all he could think about; Darger had given him that piece of mind. He swallowed hard, hearing the words of Judy Liebermans’s message again and again. “Depending on what happens here, there’s a good chance that things are going to change…it’ll all be up to the judge” Darger explained, though he was certain that both as a lawyer and a experienced parolee, Nick would know the procedure well enough. “The judge?” Burton repeated, as if he was surprised by the possible consequences for his son. Darger looked at him in disbelief, “Mr. Fallin, a man us fighting for his life tonight as we speak, a man who merely made a bad choice about a parking space…” “He took the first swing!” Burton stammered angrily, getting up from his chair. Instinctively, Nick grabbed him, as if to stop his father from making yet another move he might regret, “Dad…” “I saw that security video, Mr. Fallin, I know exactly what transpired – but what you’ve got to understand is that you go and look for another space, not swing back…” Darger returned. He got up from his chair and turned away. Without another word, he headed for the door. Alone, Nick released his father’s jacket from his grip and sat back down. He shut his eyes and took a deep breath. The room seemed to be spinning around him. “Nicholas,” Burton seethed, his anger getting the better of him. There was no will to answer. He pinched his eyes even tighter. Nausea took over. What she said – she told him that she loved him. The baby. The beating. The call from Judy. The shooting. Now this. Nick tipped his head forward and covered his face with his hands. ** To be continued…